Pay It Forward

The more you help others, you the more you help yourself.

That was single greatest insight that shone like a beacon light in my recovery from addiction and suicidal ideation.

It saved my life.

Sharing with others what I was learning on my own stumbling path, and seeing how it was helping them, gave me glimpses through to a life that was worth the living.

Over time those glimpses became a way of seeing myself with eyes that were able to love what they saw.

And the more I helped others the more my life became this life I love to live today.

Part of this unfolding story included a very dear young friend, and an extraordinarily talented musician, Tim Block.

Let me tell you that story.

The plot line pivots a few years back, when I had the honour of helping Tim as his life turned inward on itself and threatened to implode.  

And the story’s denouement happened just a few days ago, when I had the even greater honour of being on the receiving end of Tim’s helping hand reaching back to me.

It was the reciprocal act of kindness that had it genesis many years ago.

In 2015 I was in the early stages of my recovery, and the impulse to share what I was discovering beyond the borders of my work as a speaker, coach and mentor, was already beginning rise. I wanted to find a way of helping anyone with whom my work might resonate.

After much angst and soul searching, I decided I had to leave my business, leave the UK, and move to the safe and isolated haven of my home in Portugal. There I would begin a self-imposed retreat that I knew would last a good few years.

The intention was to give myself time to contemplate, write and create whatever wanted to express itself through me. My hermitage would allow that flow absolute freedom from the implied constraints of external obligations.

Authenticity, openness and the benefit of others were the only imperatives.

It didn’t take long before my explorations led me to write and create short form videos that I called “Thought Experiments for a life well lived.” They blended modern empirical science with ancient intuitive wisdom in ways that encourage others to experiment with the ideas in the ‘laboratory’ of their own life.

As I was beginning to explore this format Tim, as he would from time to time, dropped into this creative space.

He would be writing and producing music, I would be writing and making my videos, and we would share the work as it flowed.

I clearly remember showing him my first Thought Experiment video, ‘Help Others Get It’, curious about how it would resonate with a younger generation.

This was that video:

He loved it, and immediately felt that I had found the perfect way to reach an audience that so desperately need to hear what was being shared… his peers.

“So many people I know need this stuff. They need what you’re sharing. It’ll help them so much. You absolutely have to share these videos on Instagram and social media”

In gratitude I nodded and felt some precious kindling had been lit.

But as I was digital immigrant of the first order, I think we both knew that doing so was beyond the bleeding edge of my abilities at the time. Simply writing, editing and producing the pieces was already a full time job! 

Time past. I kept creating. So did Tim.

But soon Tim began his own dark journey through deeply challenging times. Increasingly he leaned into the help and guidance I was able to share.

His own Phoenix was struggling to take flight and he feared the flames might consume him utterly. I was so grateful to be able to help.

Meanwhile, my foray into social media did begin but stayed in the more familiar territory of Linked In. But I never ventured into what I saw as the unknown and mysterious lands of Instagram, Twitter or TikTok.

And so with Tim now standing back in the light, and my creative expressions becoming increasingly ripe, the story returns to the weekend that’s just past, when Tim came over to visit with some friends.

He had told me that a few weeks back he'd started making a gift for me and was here to give it to me in person. I was intrigued.

“The gift”, he said preparing to give it to me, “was inspired by that very first video you showed me all those years ago.”

He reminded me of how much he thought I should share these videos on social media so that a younger generation, could find them and be inspired by them.

He went on to say that they had so inspired him, and that I had so helped him in his own recovery, he wanted to do something for me that was the living embodiment of that first video about helping others.

 “So,” he said, “I did this for you.”

 He handed me his mobile phone. On its screen was a TikTok account full of my videos… but I didn’t have a TikTok account!

 “You do now.” Tim said with a beaming smile spreading across his face, “Check out the video in top right. How many views has it had?”

“1.2 million!” I replied in utter astonishment.

The account, which Tim has set up just a few weeks before, also had over 50,000 likes and 8,600 followers.

“You helped me so much Tom when I really needed it. I wanted to help you. And I wanted to Pay it Forward, by helping millions of others find what you have to share.”

What a truly magical manifestation of this profoundly impactful insight.

What Tim didn't know was that his gift reached back even beyond my move to Portugal, to when I was struggling with the direction in which to take my life in those early months of recovery.

Because as I deeply contemplated my highest possible purpose, one phrase written on my white board played like a mantra in my head:

 “I want to help millions of people enjoy a life well lived.”

It was the tipping point that gave me the courage and inspiration to move to Portugal and enter the vast terrain of ‘I don’t know’ in search of a path that would lead me at least some of the way, toward that highest purpose.

Never would I have believed that 8 years on it would have risen into reality.

I am reminded of the immortal line that ends the 1940’s film ‘Now Voyager’:

“Why wish for the moon when we have the stars.”

Well, this moon shot of Tim’s, made that wildest of dreams come true.

Now let’s head for the stars!

COULD YOU HELP?

I am so grateful to those I have told this story to over the last few days and who are now helping me help others by following the TikTok account.

Here's a couple of ways you can help too:

1. Follow the journey by following the account. (There's a link in the comments below.)
2. Share this article with others.

Finally I want to thank you so much for taking the time to read this article all the way through, I am exceedingly grateful.

In loving kindness,

Tom