Perfectionism: The Trap of Trying to Get Everything "Right

Event: Self Doubt Workshop 21st Nov

That little voice in your head, the one telling you you aren’t good enough. The one pushing you into a pit of indecision. The one that narrows in on even the most minor negative detail or critical feedback. This voice is your inner critic … and it can be exhausting! If you’ve had enough and are ready to reframe your relationship with your inner critic, join us on Thurs Nov 21 at 8AM AEDT. Together, we can turn down the volume of your inner critic and address your self-doubt. Click here to register.

COACHING CONVERSATION:

Katie had always achieved excellent results at school and university. Early in her career, she was known for getting everything right, never missing a deadline, always having the answers or if not, being able to figure it out. She prided herself on having high standards, and the ability to execute at the highest level.

As she progressed her career, Katie took on some leadership responsibilities, and found this very challenging; no-one else seemed to be capable of delivering to her standards which meant she always ended up doing their work as well as her own to preserve her reputation. When she joined the Acts of Confidence program she was exhausted and her confidence was at an all-time low, she had received feedback that her team was underperforming and had poor engagement scores. As she progressed through the program, Katie realised that the strengths that had served her early in career were now hindering her success. Perfectionism and fear of failure was impacting her ability to grow and develop talent and her own performance and well-being.

In the program Katie was encouraged to identify small, low stakes acts of confidence where she could work with the team to do things a little differently. It felt super uncomfortable at first, but Katie soon realised the benefits of asking for help (AOC #4), which meant delegating and coaching the team, ultimately building their capability and the learning opportunity that came when things didn’t go according to plan (AOC #5, Fall down and get back up again: resilience, failure and fear). While it took some time, Katie noticed that she was creating better relationships with her co-workers, was less exhausted and was able to focus on the more strategic parts of her role which allowed her to make an even bigger contribution to the organisation.

November's Deep Dive: Perfectionism: The Trap of Trying to Get It All "Right"

Perfectionism is a self-destructive and addictive belief system that fuels this primary thought: If I look perfect and do everything perfectly, I can avoid or minimise the painful feelings of blame, judgement, and shame. – Brene Brown

In today’s high-achieving, fast-paced world, perfectionism can seem a high prized virtue: something that’s rewarded, admired, and even encouraged. But beneath the shiny surface of striving for flawlessness lies a darker truth— in many cases, perfectionism is often more harmful than helpful. It stifles creativity, inhibits growth, and leads to burnout. For women who are already balancing multiple roles and navigating complex career paths, the pressure to be perfect can become overwhelming.

Read the full blog here.

What is Perfectionism?

A useful definition of perfectionism, via Wikipedia, is: "a personality trait characterised by a person’s concern with striving for flawlessness and perfection, accompanied by critical self-evaluations and concerns regarding others’ evaluations."

In simple terms, perfectionism is the relentless pursuit of doing everything "right"… but there’s more to it than that. Perfectionists hold themselves to unattainably high standards and constantly worry about making mistakes. They often feel that their self-worth is tied to how flawlessly they perform—whether it’s at work, at home, or in their personal relationships.

The Problem with Perfectionism

At first glance, striving for perfection might seem like a good thing. After all, who doesn’t want to excel? But go beneath the surface and you will start to see that the problem with perfectionism is that it leads to critical self-judgment, creates unnecessary stress, and at times can even derail progress. Here’s why:

• Overly critical self-evaluation
• Concerns about others' judgements
• Purpose misalignment

These traits are depleting; they drain perfectionists of time and energy.

Where Does Perfectionism Come From?

• Perfectionism is often the result of years of conditioning. As children, many of us were rewarded for getting things right or being praised for good behaviour. Over time, this praise became linked to our sense of self-worth, which established a pattern where we perceived mistakes as something to be ashamed of, and the only way to avoid that sense of shame was to be perfect.
• Failure is personal: Many of us internalised the idea that failure was a reflection of who we were—bad, inadequate, or less than, which created an aversion to risk-taking.
• Perfectionism and identity: We become driven by a belief that success is solely based on our ability to get things exactly right.

Why Perfectionism Is a Problem

Perfectionism might feel like a strength, but it’s often an overextended one. When we over-rely on being perfect, it can diminish our effectiveness. Here’s why perfectionism is problematic for both individuals and organisations:

For Individuals:

• Delegation is hard
• Failure is not an option
• People pleasing is a priority

For Organisations:

• Inefficient use of resources
• Missed opportunities
• Burnout and well-being

For more detail on the above read the full blog here.

How Individuals Can Address Perfectionism

Perfectionism isn’t something you can switch off overnight. However, with awareness and intentional practice, individuals can start to shift their perfectionistic tendencies. Here’s how:

• Expand self-awareness: Get curious about the drivers of your behaviour, and what it is costing you? By becoming your own best coach, you can start to question whether striving for perfection is serving you or holding you back.
• Clarify expectations: It’s crucial to get clear on what’s actually expected of you, both by others and yourself. Perfectionists often operate under false assumptions about what is necessary.
• Practice small experiments: Start breaking the habit of perfectionism by giving yourself permission to be imperfect.
• Learn to fail: Practice failing. The more comfortable you become with making mistakes, the more confident and resilient you’ll be in the long run.

How Leaders Can Support Team Members to Address Perfectionism

Leaders play a crucial role in helping their teams manage perfectionism. By creating a culture where progress trumps perfection, leaders can support their teams to develop healthier habits.

• Set clear expectations
• Role model imperfection
• Coach through perfectionism

How Organisations Can Address Perfectionism

At an organisational level, tackling perfectionism requires creating a culture where mistakes are seen as part of the learning process, not as failures to be avoided at all costs.

• Promote a growth mindset
• Actively foster psychological safety
• Provide specialised support: Changing deeply ingrained beliefs and assumptions around perfectionism often requires targeted, transformative programs, that address the deep seated, often unconscious drivers of perfectionism (In our Acts of Confidence program we regularly hear how life-changing it is for women who shift their relationship with perfectionism, by taking small steps that challenges their perfectionistic tendencies and develop healthier, more sustainable ways of working)

For more detail on the above read the full blog here.

Conclusion

Perfectionism is more than just a quirk; it’s a pervasive, sometimes addictive tendency that affects individuals, teams, and organisations. While striving for excellence can lead to success, the overextended drive for flawlessness stifles creativity and productivity, inhibits growth, and leads to burnout.

By becoming more self-aware, setting realistic expectations, and embracing imperfect action, individuals can break free from the perfectionism trap. Leaders and organisations can support this shift by fostering a culture of psychological safety, promoting a growth mindset, and providing appropriate coaching and support.

If you’d like to learn how to overcome perfectionism, book a clarity breakthrough call.

If you’re a leader who’d like to support a team member to address perfectionism, reach out at info@coreconfidence.com.au.

For more information on the Acts of Confidence program click here.

To read the full blog click here.