Picking Fuck up from the Airport.

Austin Bergstrom's parking lot was a swirling pit of despair.

Children screaming, car horns blaring, and me sweating bullets as my fancy aftermarket air conditioning struggled to live up to its billings.

Idling at the curb, waiting for Fuck.

She’d left the day before, claiming, I was “too needy and dependent on her.”

She called me a “linguistic junkie.” What the hell did that even mean?

Thanksgiving without Fuck was a shitshow.

Burnt turkey? “Oh, gee whiz.” No beer? “Golly.” By the time Uncle Carl started his third crypto rant, I was chewing the furniture.

It was grim. 

Then the airport doors parted and there she was.

Fuck.

Striding through the chaos, smug as a cat with a mouth full of feathers. Looking sharp, dangerous, and yes— rocking that epic ass.

I jumped out of the truck and shouted, “F***!,” like a wildly gesticulating idiot.

People gasped. A mother covered her child’s ears. A TSA agent reached for his taser.

Fuck ignored them all.

She tossed her metaphorical bag into the bed, climbed into the passenger seat, and stretched out like she owned the place.

“Miss me?” she asked, with the kind of smirk that could get you arrested.

“Don’t flatter yourself,” I lied through my teeth, gripping the wheel like a life raft.

The truck roared to life. The engine sounded better. The air smelled cleaner and the AC was suddenly blowing ice cubes. 

Even the tires seemed grippier, ready to rip the pavement a new topcoat.

“Don’t ever leave me again,” I muttered. “No promises,” she said, lighting an invisible cigarette and blowing metaphorical smoke into my brand-new interior. 

She was back, and my vocabulary was the beneficiary.

The road stretched ahead, bright, dangerous, and profane.

Fuck, I missed her.

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Cameron Day has completed the Advertising Survival Guide trilogy and is itching to write something new. You'll find his books on Amazon, packed with sociopaths, profanity, and more than a few F-bombs. That's what you get when you write the Advertising Survival Guide trilogy. Click his signature to buy his books.