Pinpoint Respect

This article was originally posted on www.stevebaue.com on 2/19/2020.

Recently, a coaching client of mine was telling me about a colleague who she couldn’t connect with. She said it felt like the colleague had their guard up around her and didn’t trust her. We talked in depth about the options she had. A week later, she reported that one tactic had almost instantly turned the relationship for the better.

It’s what I like to call pinpoint respect.

What is pinpoint respect? Let’s break it down by starting with my favorite definition of respect: the understanding and demonstration that someone is important, good, and valuable. Part of the reason I like this definition so much is because of what it doesn’t say. It doesn’t say I have to agree with you. You can have your own opinion, and at the very least, I can respect the passion with which you believe in it. It also doesn’t say I have to like you. Let that sink in for a moment. To respect you does not mean I must like you. It simply says to treat you as everyone should be treated, as important, good, and valuable.

Now, let’s add in the pinpoint. It’s easy to treat respect like a 10,000-foot idea. In reality, it’s a micro-action, and it’s typically secondary in practice. We don’t set out to do it consciously. This is where I differ from the norm. I try to intentionally pinpoint, or show, my respect to at least one person every day. This means that I deliberately make that one person feel (and I mean really feel) important, good, and valuable.

Pinpoint respect isn’t something that I haphazardly give out. When I am getting ready in the morning, I think about my day and make a plan. I consider the meetings that I’ll have, the tasks to be completed, and the people that I’ll come in contact with. Out of those individuals that I may interact with, I decide which one will be my focus. I reflect on what I respect about them. What makes them important, good, and valuable? I’m not talking about fluffy puppies and rainbows. I’m talking real, specific, and tangible actions this person does that make them distinctive. When I see the person, I’m ready.

“Hey John, I was thinking about you the other day. You know what I like about you? You are always including others in the conversation. You have this ability to introduce someone and include them without ever breaking the flow of what you’re talking about. It’s a gift.”

“Hey Sue, you know what I admire about you? You have this real-time feel for what’s not being said. You sense when something needs to be addressed and find a way to bring it forward in a way that doesn’t put anyone on the spot. It’s a skill I wish I had.”

“Carrie, can I tell you what always impresses me about you? It’s your knack for summarizing everything that is said in a way that is simple to understand and remember. I bet you don’t even think about the impact that has on others. I always look forward to your summary statements. They help me so much.”

Trust me, those types of messages resonate in a good way. I’ve had people remind me of what I’ve said about them years after saying it. Sometimes, those are the same people who said I’d go far (and they hoped I would stay there).

A sincere message that describes why someone is important, good, and valuable cuts through, and often rises above, almost anything else you will say or do. That’s it—that’s all you need to do to start the flywheel of pinpoint respect in your life. Once it starts moving, it becomes easier, and you can include more people in it. Believe me, they’ll appreciate that you did.

Steve Baue has more than 25 years of domestic and international experience in organizational development, human resources, and executive-level leadership. He owns Steve Baue, LLC, a consulting agency focused on helping leaders and organizations be themselves, but greater, and ERC: Counselors and Consultants, an employer benefit company helping lift the mental burdens that hold employees back from their full potential.