On Positiveness and Success

It is with a sense of humor that I reflect on how interpersonal relationships develop sometimes, from when two people are introduced to each other, to the courtship that often comes along with attraction, to later developing feelings and ending up in a relationship. We always find this one common behavioral pattern in people, where acting towards something becomes entirely dependent on how we feel. Funny enough how at the start, you would do anything for the other person, but with time and if not careful and conscious of one's action, it can get messy. 

Expanding this idea further and always with the light tone that I started with: It is almost anecdotal how we change with the course of time, how our behaviors differ the more we get to know people. How we show our true colors, for whatever they may be, compared to the polished images we try to project onto the other: “No, you take out the trash! Why should I do it every time?” as opposed to the beginning: “Oh yes sure honey, I’m on it”. 

Simply put, when we are exposed to a stimulus, an event of some sort, we get emotions first. I like to dissect that latter word as Energy in motion. Then, feelings occur in the system, ones of compassion, empathy, agreeableness, or even hate. We then helplessly succumb to thinking which inevitably leads to acting. 

The same mantra is applicable to success, in a relationship, a career, or in the academic field. Succeeding means doing. Doing means failing multiple times and failing is another synonym for learning. But here is the catch: What makes us pick ourselves up and try again? It is how we feel. How well we are, inside. The quality of our infinite self-talk.

In my experience, I have witnessed this through my work with colleagues, and teams all along my carrier. People respond better to positive stimuli. They feel appreciated and more confident when you show that you believe in them. My line of work is particularly stressful, as one has to be ready on all fronts, having done due diligence, the detective background work, and formed a full clear idea regarding any topic given, with its counterarguments, criticism, etc. It is not easy to have your name linked to the work of colleagues and teams. It takes trust and perseverance to be able to see eye to eye. 

Our success (mine and theirs together) depends on how they feel. Is it going to be satisfactory? Pride, after having done a good job or regret, as it is with some cases of collaboration? I believe everyone is endowed with their own set of strengths and weaknesses. Only a good leader can empathize and uncover enough of what is hidden beneath each person’s iceberg. A true leader is one who knows what kind of empowerment the other needs. This can only be done if at least a minimum amount of time has been invested to empathize with the other. 

Away from wishful thinking and naïve positivity, and leaning on what I got to experience first-hand, I state that success depends entirely on how you make other people feel. Empower them, celebrate their success, and create the change you seek. This is the symbiosis of life. One that we think of negatively, sometimes. Fearing that a person is in contact with us for personal gains is a fallacy we all make. It is natural to keep an eye open, but as we know in the natural world, both fungus and the tree benefit from being next to each other. The fungus colonizes the tree’s roots, improving their moisture and nutrient absorption capabilities. In exchange, the host plant provides the fungus carbohydrates produced through photosynthesis. I am surely not going to provide the people in my life with carbohydrates, nor candy and simple sugars for that matter. What I can do instead is thrive to create the right biosphere of support and recognition of achievements, that so many people if not most, need and must have.

It is essential to learn to quit the eternal self-talk inside one's head, either by meditation, prayer, or physical activity … doing something. But if one fails to turn it off, it is a moral duty to -at least- direct it positively.