The Power of 'I don't Know'

We’ve been brought up in a culture that increasingly demonizes lack of knowledge or skills. In school we’re seen as inadequate if we don’t know something. We get very low rating for not knowing. In job interviews, we’re ever afraid to say, ‘I don’t know’ because there is stigma associated with not knowing. Therefore, we try to make things up and give answers to things we know little or nothing about – and end up screwing everything. It’s even worse for leaders because it’s expected that you know everything. You have answers to all questions. You have solutions to all problems. Team leaders, Ministry leaders, Family leaders - we are all operating in an environment where we feel like we are obligated to provide solutions to everyone who comes with a problem. Often, this puts us in a state of anxiety and sometimes feels like we're a fraud the moment we're faced with challenges that truly we don't have solutions for. This is the kind of drilling we’ve gone through. We’ve gone through too much pressure trying to be too smart, knowing everything and never willing to admit our shortcomings. And in the process, we miss valuable opportunities to learn.

Some of us have worked under bosses who tell us, “I don’t take a NO for an answer” or “Never tell me that you don’t know”. While this could be well intended to push us to be at our best and be ‘solution providers’, it has also portrayed ‘not knowing’ as a weakness and something that we should be ashamed of.

‘I don’t Know’ is one of the most powerful statements of expressing our intellectual humility. With years of leading teams, I’ve learnt that the frontline teams have far more knowledge and detail of things on the ground than I do. And I utilize this understanding by asking more questions, listening more so that I can learn and use these learnings to better my approach in decision making. Our failure to admit out limits to our expertise is one of the biggest hindrance in acquisition of new skills and knowledge.

Sometimes back, I and my wife were going to visit a friend in Ruiru. So, we got a cab. As we neared where we were going, the cab driver asked me, “will we pass Spur Mall”? “I really don’t know exactly where Spur Mall is”, I replied. He laughed and asked me, “Na unajua mahali unaenda kweli kama hujui Spur Mall hii Ruiru?” (are you sure of where you’re going if you don’t know where Spur Mall is?) I could see my wife getting red even if she was not the one answering the questions. “Yeah, of course I know the road to where we’re going only that I don’t know the exact location of Spur Mall. Is it funny that I don’t know where Spur Mall is?”, I asked. I guess he realized his mistake and he just kept quiet and never talked again. We got to our destination and as we were stepping out of the cab, my wife asked me, “and where do you get all that patience to tolerate such people? Don't you get angry? You know I wanted to ask that driver to terminate the trip we get out and look for other means”. Think of it. These are some of the biases so entrenched in our society where you’re viewed as someone of less skill or knowledge of you don’t know something.

At work place, there are phrases I use a lot:

“Sorry, I didn’t understand. Could you please explain that again”?

“I’m not an expert in that area but so and so is”

“I don’t know much about that. I’ll consult so and so”

This is a demonstration that we don’t know everything. We don’t have all the answers. No one does. You gain immense respect by admitting that you have shortcomings and people naturally warm up to you if you seek their help.

It’s never easy to admit that you don’t know. Even admitting to yourself is as hard as admitting publicly. But the moment you embrace the fact that you don’t know it all, you open yourself up for learning, personal growth and development.

We should get back to the space where we admit that we don’t know it all and be okay to say, ‘I DON’T KNOW. I’M NOT ABLE. PLEASE HELP.