The Power of Letting Your Teenager Fail: A Parent's Guide to Building Independence
As parents, we often struggle with the balance between protecting our children and allowing them to learn from their mistakes. In this post, we'll explore the valuable lessons that come from letting your teenager experience failure in a safe environment. From building decision-making skills to fostering independence, discover why embracing failure can be a powerful tool in your parenting arsenal.
The Challenge of Teenage Independence
Every parent of a teenager knows the struggle: your child craves independence, but you're not sure they're ready for it. This was the case with my 14-year-old son, Jayden. He's intelligent, kind, artistic, and musically gifted. But he's also, well, 14.
Jayden attends a co-op school, spending three days at school and two days at home. On his home days, he's responsible for completing his assignments. However, his time management skills left something to be desired, leading to constant reminders and, inevitably, resistance.
The Decision to Step Back
Faced with this situation, my wife Missy and I had two options:
We chose option 2, allowing Jayden to take control of his schedule and responsibilities. The result? He fell flat on his face.
The Beauty of Failure in a Safe Environment
While it may sound harsh, watching Jayden struggle was exactly what we had hoped for. Here's why:
The Power of Collaboration with Teenagers
Through this experience, I've learned that collaboration is key when dealing with teenagers, especially boys. When they're invested in the decision-making process, they're more likely to accept the consequences, whether positive or negative.
Recommended by LinkedIn
Benefits of Letting Teenagers Make Their Own Decisions:
Building Relational Capital with Your Kids
By allowing your teenagers to make decisions and face the consequences, you're building relational capital. This approach shows them that your guidance comes from a place of care and a desire for them to learn, not just because "you said so."
Preparing Them for the Real World
As my oldest approaches 20 and my second oldest nears 18, I'm acutely aware that soon, they'll be making decisions without my constant presence. My job as a parent is to help them become:
The Importance of Experiencing Failure
Many parents try to shield their children from any hurt, pain, or failure. However, this approach doesn't prepare them for the realities of life. By allowing them to fail in a supportive environment, we help build character through both failure and success.
Conclusion: Embracing the Parenting Journey
Being a parent is one of life's greatest callings, and I'm incredibly grateful for my kids and the adults they're becoming. By allowing them to experience failure, we're not just teaching them how to handle disappointment – we're preparing them for a successful, independent future.
Do you have questions or scenarios about parenting or family life? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below!
Don't forget to subscribe to our newsletter for more parenting insights and tips: Chrisaevans.com/newsletter.
Helping Business Owners Automate & Delegate to Reclaim Time, Boost Efficiency, and Scale with Ease.
2mofailure is the best teacher next to pain. Great post Chris A. Evans
Founder helping you elevate your career. Follow for insights on business & career growth. CEO of Runway.
2moSuch an important topic! Allowing failure helps teens grow and gain independence.
The coolest lawyer you’ve ever met | Corporate, VC and M&A lawyer for SaaS founders | I help SaaS founders draft, negotiate, and close deals.
2moLetting them fail while secretly sweating bullets... yep, been there. 😅
Executive Coach | Chief People Officer | Organizational Development Advisor to Leaders | Leadership | Mentoring |
2moChris A. Evans true, but really hard to do
Ranked #1 Male Creator (Favikon) in SG -Careers & Office ⚡️ Ranked Top 1% Worldwide & Top 20 Creator in SG ⚡️ Founder-InspireX, Ex-Vodafone Airtel Ooredoo ⚡️ Keynote Speaker ⚡️ Follow me for Personal Development Insights
2moChris A. Evans By allowing him to experience failure, you’re teaching him resilience.