Powerful Women Don’t Regret

I'm on a mission to propel more women lawyers to power positions where they can have more control over their careers, compensation, and courage. Today, we talk about the power of reflection and how to do it effectively.

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As many of you may know from your literature classes, Miss Havisham is a character in Charles Dickens's Great Expectations. She is a wealthy spinster, once jilted at the altar, who insists on wearing her wedding dress for the rest of her life. She lives in a ruined mansion with her adopted daughter. Dickens describes her as looking like "the witch of the place." Miss Havisham lives with regret, and because of that, she stagnates and stands still.

Like Ms. Havisham, regret is not helpful in your career and life because it prevents you from moving forward. It focuses you on the negative rather than the lesson that you learned that you could leverage to fuel the next career step. We all make career missteps or have part of our journey that seems misaligned with what we want. It is essential to understand not taking a chance or risk can have as much impact as taking one that does not work out as planned. And assuming that chance will leave you with a good story and some learnings.

What matters is how we handle these hiccups on the road. Powerful women do not regret but learn, regroup, and move toward their next goal. Here are some of my tips for moving on without regrets.

Reflect. 

Reflecting on your career regrets can be advantageous if you identify why you regret a particular choice or lack of action. Schedule some time to jot down some of your regrets that stand out in your mind. What caused you to make your decision? Was it fear, money, or a sense of duty that forced the decision? Or were you moving toward something, hoping to build new skills and experiences? 

In addition to the regrets, focus on all the positives that emanate from your course of action or inaction. Knowing all you have gained or learned is highly beneficial in the process. Reminding yourself of that in a mantra or on a Post-it near your computer may be helpful. The more you re-frame, the easier the moving forward process is. The method of writing everything down helps sort through this. Also, build into this time some downtime where the brain can process what you are going through and your thoughts. 

Don't Go it Alone. 

Finding support if you are currently regretting a career situation is essential. Talk to someone you trust about your feelings, such as your significant other, friend, mentor, or coach. Spot mentoring (a one or two-time mentoring session) or informational interviews of people in similar situations or roles that strive for can also be beneficial. You may be surprised that they have been in similar situations and have practical tips to help you. And they can help you less emotionally evaluate where you are, what you have gained in this journey, and what you may want to do moving forward.

Focus and Move Forward

After assessing the situation and your past moves, think about what you want your next role position to be and what you need to do to make it happen. In doing this, think about your career and life holistically and design what you seek. Consider how you frame the last few moves or missteps if necessary. It is much easier to find a path forward (even if it takes a few steps) when you know where you are going. And don't worry too much about it being a final destination - we all make adjustments along the way. 

And as you move forward, you must remember that nothing is riskless - not even staying still. Because if you do not grow or change, there is an enormous risk. So, it would help if you are mentally prepared for the risk. Consider what you can do to mitigate that risk or help yourself prepare for it. For example, engage in mindfulness, exercise, or having a support system ready.

Regret keeps you stalled and stuck. Learning to overcome regret and focusing on the learnings and wisdom sets you up for success.

Want more insights?

• If you want to be recognized for your leadership check out this article where I share the 7 Steps to Leap from In-House Technician to Legal Leader. 
• Unlock your path to rainmaker success. Transform your business development with a calendar of actionable steps and strategic insights tailored to accelerate your client cultivation with my Business Development Booster Checklist. Download it here.

Sheila is the CEO of Focus Forward Consulting. She helps intelligent and accomplished women lawyers go from uncertain and uninspired to unstoppable and attain power positions where they have greater control of their careers, compensation, and courage.