PRECISE COMMUNICATION CUES AMONG THE GENDERS ADD TOWARD HARMONIOUS SPOUSES RELATIONSHIPS (P-6/6-B)

The priority of interest and choice in selecting a life partner is dependent on the mental maturity of person. It is a great blessing when people from various family backgrounds with variant personality traits by co-incidence have the same frequency level of understandings in a marital unit. Under the spell of love, some pay too much importance to appearances/beauty while ignoring the maturity and personality traits in selection of the partner. While beauty fades with time, inner beauty or habit-pattern remain a part of life. Depending on a spouse, it is important to be a good listener, having self-awareness with obvious self-expression at the spot. So each one should be sharp when to talk, what to talk, how much to talk in a given situation to get rapport for a healthy relationship. In the professional life of a clinician (psychotherapist), the key point of success depends on his family life pattern. If he is trapped in the blame games, time and personal maximum role expectation of the spouse, then he cannot sincerely concentrate and devote himself to the sensitive issues of each client. Islam has given full choice in marriage. Moreover, the right of selection is based on both the parties. Even widows have been given equal right for remarriage V-2-232.," And when you have divorced women and they have fulfilled the term of their prescribed period, do not prevent them from marrying their (former) husbands, if they mutually agree on reasonable basis. This (instruction) is an admonition for him among you who believe in Allah and the Last Day. That is more virtuous and purer for you. Allah knows and you know not.”

In the present era when mostly patients visit doctor to doctor for psycho-somatic ailments and functional disorder, the role of a clinician is essential in capitalist society. Therefore, the role of the spouse of such professional people demands full committed support, understanding and mental equation, so that the clinician may be able to concentrate for bringing fruitful results where medical support has failed to change the depressed and personality impoverished ignored people of the society. Just to add for the reader, although I had no contact prior to my arranged marriage, 50 years of successful marriage is the result of my professional fruitful life, which is based on the gifted role of my spouse’s nature.

 During cases of clients of various sensitive natures like university students, show business ladies, marital/sex related divorced couples etc., where I had to invest long and late night sessions, meetings out of city professional gatherings etc., they never bothered her. She applied “who what when where why how whom” method of communication when even I was not conscious about the stated effective skills of interaction in life. I need her support in life affairs. Now I think she is enjoying life with full security. Sometimes at the request of presented women or family issues cases, clinically I have to make self-disclosure to them as they wish to talk about her peaceful life. Self-praise is no recommendation as I feel it is the prayer and blessings of the mutual integration in life affairs.                                               

 No doubt, there are individual differences and gender variant roles in different socio-cultural set up with religious codes and conditions yet a flexible person with the wit have capacity to resolve the marital and sexual relations. Mostly rigid people with predisposition, ego-centric personality have impoverishment to face it hard to adjust in the spouse’s relationship. The traditional male dominant personality role or aggressive female liberal moods have difficulty to maintain a long and stable healthy marital life. The divorce rate is increasing in the modern and capitalist society where importance is given to individuality over family life affairs. People lack patience, understanding and do not respond over the feedback, rather react under aggression with an ego or family honor issues otherwise it is an adjustment and understanding and tolerance problem. No doubt, they must first think ten times on minute details of the target problem as: Where is a will there is a way” to reorganize in a situation where elders and sensitive family, children factors can lead to worst future consequences. Otherwise, it would be of no use to cry over the spilt milk, instead of confronting the natural bond of the sexes for harmony, love, security, respects among the sexes that lead to long negative effect in family unit and children. There must be a mutual understanding, tolerance, responsibility among the two poles of life that generate children and family life. Its solution is within the riddle, so one should try to make it not a Pandora box of mental pains and sufferings in life. The possible solution of the afore-mentioned is possible if the clinician/parent/social worker and counselor seriously pin-point the target precisely on the given formula of WWWHWWW. So, the missing links can be found to resolve these social, marital and personal issues in gender interlink problem. I have tried to present this human phenomenon in my previous articles like, “A Goal Directed Activity with Effective Communication and Feedback, the Sole Solution to a Problem”.

 As a personal remark, I have never had the time to watch a complete film or drama but for the first time, I watched a complete series that impressed me in the TV-play “MUNAFIQ” on YouTube. It was so meaningful, and full of human psychology, morality and cultural touch that one can learn a lesson in practical life where both the genders are cleverly cheating on each other under the same roof in a Muslim society. The whole team played such a realistic role about daily-life issues and personal motives that it recharged my knowledge that human beings are tricking each other without awaking the insight of such hypocrisy in short life.

 As a final remark, it is a great professional art and knowledge to equip oneself with how face reading, hypnotherapy, telepathy, passing message through eye-contact gestures, tone, facial expressions with body language have a deep impact on the respondent in specific relationships. So, it’s all dependent on the aptitude, knowledge and self-awareness of the mental frequency level between two respondents in a sitting. It is observed that certain social, political and religious leaders apply such methods to control the mob psyche etc. At times, quacks, pirs, guardian of shrines, gurus etc., apply this technique to bring change in the devoted followers under the name of spiritual treatment. Mostly the ignorant become subject in the process as they avoid the moral responsibility within a given situation for the consequences.

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