A conversation with Life we all must have.

“Close that door and come here”, she says. Smiling, with those deep penetrating eyes she looks at me. Goddess like gorgeous she is looking as always, but this is the closest I have ever been to her.

I have always imagined this moment in my dreams. Fearing as much as wanting it. And it always ended at the very moment I am standing right now. Somehow all my senses cease to exist turning me into a rock, unable to move, speak or hear anything. Mesmerized & afraid I am at the same time looking at her hand reaching out to hold mine. The sound of my heart pumping and sudden rise in body temperature is the only thing I can hear and feel.

“I am afraid”, I say in trembling voice, words barely coming out of my dry mouth.

“I don’t know if this is right and should I really leave everything behind and embrace you”.

Hinting at her I say. “Its not that I don’t want you, but I am worried, if this is the right thing to do. I don’t know, if it all will work out fine. I have a reputation, respect and people know me as good person. All of this I have worked hard for years to build. (Of course, everyone defines their own meaning of me being “good” to them.) There are people I love and they love me back. I am worried how they will take all this.

Will they be accepting me as they used to?”

Surprisingly confused, I find myself at great loss of words. Unable to look at her, I look down.

“But you have waited patiently for this very moment. For all those years you worked hard to make your loved ones happy and fulfill all they desired. All of it to earn their love. And you succeeded as well. You have their love, respect and everything you and they wanted. And you deserve this. But, what about me? Have you forgotten me? You always wanted to hold me, embrace me and live me. And the truth is that I too have waited for you too long now. I want you to live and love me.”

Her voice growing heavy, eyes full of tears now. I can feel the disappointment and pain in her voice.

“But this time I am not going to wait anymore. If you think embracing me will somehow destroy the identity you are fighting so hard to create and protect, then you don’t deserve me. If you feel it will make your world treat you less of a person you are, then none of you actually understood love. All of you are trading emotions and calling it love. Sooner you break this illusion, the better it is for you all.

You have to let go of who you are in order to become who you are meant to be. And that starts from embracing me.”

“Don’t forget, I am part of you. You don’t exist without me. And I am not going to wait for you forever. I am happening right now. You have been missing me so badly. You know it. In this uncertain world, I could be over anytime. I am your LIFE”. Her voice getting angrier, tears now rolling down in abundance. She was hurt.

And with growing heartache & plum in my throat, I keep looking at her, barely able to make eye contact. Her hand still reaching out to me…

(I am travelling as I write this. The day started with a strange feeling and I decided to pen it down and share with you all. Its been a long time after all. Would love to have your comments as always :-)....- Sam)