Probably a Mistake, Not Giving a Stunningly Beautiful Brazilian Model a Lift...

Probably a Mistake, Not Giving a Stunningly Beautiful Brazilian Model a lift... I had dropped into a friends, Darren Smith, studio on the Hackney Road, London. That day it was hired out to a friend of his Richard Stow, someone I was aware of and had messaged with but never met... Richard Stow was doing the shoot for MOT models for their Christmas Card... I was smoking outside and most of his team were outside smoking and or talking and started talking to me... Particularly the make-up artist, that told me she used 2 names, one for high end fashion and one for commercial work, not an unusual practise in fashion, as she said she had had work in Vogue Italia under her real name through her agency... and for a lot of commercial work that paid well she had another name. If the high end work knew her commercial work they might not give her the high end work or pay her so well for it... Nothing bad about her using 2 names... and many people do it in fashion for the same reason...

Later I was sitting in the reception area on a sofa talking to Darren, who was standing up and this rather stunning woman came in who looked very Latin... and started talking to me... Not all models are stunningly beautiful, arguable most are not, the commercial models tend to have more stunners... I cannot remember her name, though I think she mentioned it... always been bad with names even when I was a kid... everything else no problem... One of the first things she told me was that she used to be with an agency that was a boutique high end model agency, which has had a few names in the past and is now called Tess Management... Boutique as they do not have a lot of models, but many of them are celebrity models... I almost worked with them once as they loved my photographer, but the shoot idea I came up with, the fashion stylist wanted to have transparent tops with the model wearing nothing underneath... I asked the agency if that was OK and they explained to me that they realise I come from art but their models are not to do nude or topless work... Though the models portfolio I wanted for the shoot had a totally topless shot of her... Zoe Barling a friend and fashion photographer at the time, when I told her, told me never ask the agency, ask the model, do the shoot and as long as the agency loves the shots there is not a problem... Learning curve... So I had never worked with the agency but knew them... She said she left because they had signed her, because she was stunningly beautiful, but hardly ever got any jobs because they were boutique and most of their models were also celebrities and got all the bookings... So she left the agency, which is now called Tess management and joined MOT models and got work everyday... She was one of MOT's top models, why she was doing the Christmas card, and because she was now a commercial model instead of a fashion model her curves came out as she ate more normally... and by curves she meant and I mean the kind of curves that top lingerie models have... at a guess... 34C 24 35 that is imperial, not metric you can check... Long black hair, golden skin, dark flashing eyes, full curving lips, a bone structure to go with the rest... and around 5'8"... Then she started asking me what bus she had to get to Old Street, since I drive, or was driving at the time and had my car parked in the studio car park... I told her I did not know... Darren tried to answer her... but she acted as though he was not there... and kept on asking me about the bus... she was around 26 or maybe 28 years old... and gorgeous, she also kept telling me though she was a fashion model / commercial model that she did not 'hang out with the fashion crowd'... I should have listened... I had been out with a few fashion models and decided not to again... I probably should mention in between talking to the people outside and the model dropping into the reception to talk to me... I did see Richard Stow... who I know he knew who I was and walked as far from me as possible in the car park and was twitching to a great extent, seriously looked like a bit of a fit as he walked by... did not say hello or acknowledge me in any way except by his 'tizzy fit' I realised that his team must have mentioned me, hence his reaction and the model coming to see me... Their report of me must have been more than positive... I must admit though I did not know Richard Stow but knew about him, and thought he seemed very cool and one of the good guys... Though 2 things... which I know had upset him... One I had been connected to one of his friends on Facebook, Charlotte De Carla, a friend of a model I had shot... and ended up in a message chat with her one evening... Where she was a bit stressed as her friends were all arguing... She was also a fashion model and what really stressed her was, as she told me, she had a group of fashion friends that were a bit incestuous and a number of them had slept with each other and then sort of fallen out, but were still friends and arguing... Charlotte told me she really appreciated the chat, as I sounded really cool... Later I asked her if she would model for me for an art project, she then asked me, well I think it was a question, "Do you want to fuck me" I said "No, I want you to model for me"... She said she would then left me sitting waiting for her on the day we had arranged for her to come round and she never turned up... and did not even let me know she would not... I then sent her a message, probably far too long, asking why... she seemed really off with me... and knowing Richard was suppose to be cool, dropped him a line about it... He seemed to think I was complaining about Charlotte which I was not... and got a little bit off with me... Then one of his friends went out with Charli Howard I thought was a bit if a arse... which did not make matters any better... Then to have one of the cool photographers team and one of his stunningly beautiful models seem to think I was really cool... Well...

Back to the beautiful Brazilian model... She definitely looked all woman... and repeatedly told me she did not hang around with fashion, but loved modelling and how many times she asked me about the bus... I am not sure... Well probably only about 8 or 10 times... with Darren trying to tell her and being totally blanked... It did tell me she wanted to talk to me and me only, it also told me, she wanted me to offer her a lift... a woman on any other day would have made me weak at the knees... the if it was unknown in my life for this sort of thing to happen... then maybe... But world famous popstars and a lot of beautiful fashion models later... well... So I did not offer her lift in my car to Old Street, ask for her number or anything else... Arse that I am, but a few years later let Arielle De Lacy... Ava De Lacy my cat of many names jump all over me naked...

When I told Zoe Barling about the Brazilian model she said you are nuts... If she was a one of MOT's top models and worked everyday, she was probably earning at least £10,000 a day and obviously wanted you to give her a lift and spend some time with you... etc... and if you say she was beautiful she must have been exceptional... and your perfect age... Zoe among other things use to do portfolio refresh shoots for MOT, Storm models and a number of others... Knew who Richard Stow was and knew a lot of models thought he was hot... jist not the stunningly beautiful Brazilian one that had brains... and understood why having a stunningly beautiful model he was shooting hit on me might have freaked him out.. I must admit I still think he is sort of cool and do not understand the problem, have messaged with him since, and said about a drink, not that that has happened and have him on my LinkedIn connections but he have never talked to me on here... O we messaged, as he was writing a film script about he's then girlfriends father, who was a German rock star... and I offered to read through he's script and / or give him feedback if he wanted... I write, among other things, some people that should know have told me brilliantly and rather beautifully... Also when I was about to shoot Natalia Tena, film actress, Harry Potter, now Games of Thrones etc... I wanted a classic English 1960's motorbike and asked Richard if I could borrow he's, but he told me he had sold he's and I managed to get one as well as a shoot location elsewhere...

O this is the last email I got from Charli Howard... Chris she mentions in it, is one of Richard Stow's friends... Chris Benns fashion stylist... Charli was also really pissed with him after they broke up as he connected with her younger sister on Facebook who was still at school...

"From: charli.howard@yahoo.com

Date: 2 December 2010 12:34:04 GMT

To: info@russellhand.com

Subject: Remember me?

Reply-To: charli.howard@yahoo.com

Hi Russell,

You should remember me! Its charli..I know we didn't end on a good note and me telling you to fuck off or whatever, but I've been thinking of contacting you for a while now..I hope nothing bad has happened, I hope it's all going good for you. If you don't email me back then that's fine (I'm not even sure if this is your right email address but I'll give it a shot anyway). Well I've started at the London College of Fashion and met genuinely nice people..I have to hand in some work today actually..although the course itself is really difficult and more work than I expected, and secretly I wish I was still modelling. I've lost weight (quite a bit actually) since you last saw me - I am now a proud owner of a 24 inch(ish) waist and managed to get down to 8 stone at one point. Storm asked me to come in and see them so I did - they made me lose weight, so I did it healthilyish and went back, only for them to be cunts and say I was too short. So I went to Select who were nice and said I was too short (why the fuck do they scout me then?! Jesus). I got up really early this morning to go to Viva (they have a few supermodels on their books, like Agyness Deyn) and was quite happy that they asked to see me. I stuffed my socks to make myself taller and everything but my idea didn't go quite to plan and I only ended up half an inch taller. So after being told I was too short for them (for fucks sake, they knew my height before I went in) I'm now sitting in a cafe eating my feelings away..and feel I'm going to throw up. (Also the stuffing in my socks really hurts). The only "good" (hmm) agency who are sending me for a test is Profile - they have this supermodel on their books called Bianca Balti who I wish I looked like, and they discovered Rosie Huntingdon-Whiteley as well, but the booker is ditsy as fuck. She gets NOTHING done. I've been waiting to test for 3 weeks now, and if I email her she doesn't reply. Grrrrr. But I think Profile might be a good stepping stone for me. At least they're not as shit as D1. And I don't want to go to Models 1 (yet) as that nob Chris is dating one of the bookers, so potentially that could be arkward. Also I hit him in the balls so I don't think we're on speaking terms. I'm also not on speaking terms with Viking cause I kicked him in the balls too after a visit to his flat..to be honest he deserved it. I wasn't speaking to him anyway, just felt like getting revenge and pretended I wanted to see him. I shouldve listened to you where boys were concerned, but I was that arrogant little 18 year old who "knew it all". Weird that I'll be 20 in a few months. I've learned a lot since then. My parents live in berlin now..so I need to look after myself more. I've stopped taking drugs (well - coke) to heal pain and am on a drugs rehabilitation thingy and counselling. The man says its a shame I'm 19 and have been through a lot. There are things that have happened I wish I could tell you but can't. Sorry. I'm also getting help for my "eating" - its such a relief after about 8 years of hell. This year has been shit, I don't know about yours. Cannot wait for 2011. I'm sorry about how I acted towards you. But you shouldn't have rang up my house cause my dad wouldve got quite mad (no offence). Most of it was the drugs talking. I didn't realise it at the time but I was also severley depressed. I've been on Prozac three times this year alone. I wanted to end it all - its a horrible way of living wondering whether you should throw yourself under a tube or a bus, or take an overdose, and whether anyone would give a shit. I hope things are working out for you and that you're in love..I'm still waiting for that someone..

Charli x"

I had called Charli's mothers landline because she had given me the landline when she was back up in Shropshire at her parents... I was worried about Charli, psychological problems, suicidal tendencies, drugs and alcohol abuse... getting drunk and coked up, as she told me and getting fucked by all the photographers she worked with... Charli obviously gave me her parents / home phone number... And she once told me when she went to her doctors back up in Shropshire for antidepressants that I was her only friend... Sadly since Charli has lied about me and been abusive about me as she always was... Why she is apologising in the email, one minute being really friendly and asking my advise and then texting me calling all sorts of things... She had said sorry on many occasions in the past, in-between the abuse, putting it down to the drugs and alcohol... I did once talk her into getting counselling for it, think she said she was seeing a counsellor in Stratford... Though I will do an article on Charli and her desire to be the next Kate Moss whatever it takes... O just to make sure there is no confusion I did not fuck Charli Howard... Very pretty face but never actually found her attractive... or sexy...

After a life time of stunningly beautiful intelligent women hitting on me, including Alison Goldfrapp, Baby Spice, a few other popstars, actresses, fashion models and sexy beautiful intelligent women in general... I probably have a very different perspective to most people about beauty and beautiful women... Weirdly it is stunningly beautiful women that seem to find me hot... and that is before they even talk to me... and I have personality and content as well... and actually some rather amazing women still seem to like me, well until they are poisoned against me...

The photograph of Natalia Tena on the 1960's Triumph Bonneville...

Interestingly... I do think like so much my old Friend Darren... and are Richard Stow might turn round and say this did not happen... Now if I have Alison Goldfrapp of the band Goldfrapp in my LinkedIn on here... One world famous pop star... why would I feel the need to claim another... Baby Spice... hit on me... or this story about a Brazilain model... ? Since I had Arielle De Lacy not only hit on me but jump all over me... or in fact since I photograph Natalia Tena, who was in a couple of Harry Potter's and now Game of Thrones... As with the photographs of myself travelling around the Mediterranean with my friend Pete... As in having my artist book in The Tate special archive of artists books... I do believe some people are trying to say I am crazy or a liar... Interesting idea... Then in a similar vein Charli Howard... Email and photographs...

Admittedly pre nose job... O she rung to tell me she was on her way to Prague, I think it was to have a nose job... and among other things told me I said to her when she went on about her nose, and having a nose job, Do you want to look like every other model, pretty and bland, surely your look is what gets you your work... and there so many pretty pretty models all with similar looks... Then though she never manage to become the next Kate Moss and famous... As I found out a couple of years ago... She managed to become famous another way...

Then again Richard and his friends... Like my old friend Darren... all work in fashion and or media their own interests to look out for... and to call me nuts... or say I am a liar... As would Charli... among others... Zoe Barling though why would she... I did tell her about it at the time... though she was not there when the Brazilian model was angling for a lift, she was when we were at a magazine party at Stringfellows Angels... and I was being given 2 of their hostesses numbers... wearing lingerie... well being a bit drunk at the time they also were helping to keep me steady, though I had a bouncer behind me as you are not suppose to touch them... though he was keeping an eye did not say anything... Well they were giving me their mobile numbers and emails... They were both Polish, blonde, blue eyed, and told me they had boyfriends... and did curve in all the right places... Though Zoe at the time did go of course they have boyfriends and give a fuck... that is why they gave you their mobiles and emails... She could be terribly cynical... they did also tell me they were not pole dancers / strippers... just hostesses... I think that got a snort from Zoe as well... Now why do I talk about this and myself... I think that might be to do with a bunch of people lying about me... Also because I know so many things about different people, which they would rather I did not mention... A little while after the Brazilian model... I was invited to a book launch at Rankin's studios... by Alex Box make-up artist... and a woman kept staring at me... O Darren was there, as I got him in on my invite... well he had for me several times... though that time he did not tell me he was not on the list... Why I am not sure... The woman who was staring at me, was rather stunning though across the room... I asked Darren if it was the Brazilian model... ? He said No and they all look the same to you... I said why do you say that... I talked to her later, she was not the Brazilian model though had many features in common... She told me she was sure she had seen me somewhere... which was why she was staring at me... she also told me she was from Glasgow and one of Rankin's favourite models at the time... she was rather cute she also had a tiny scar on her nose... though I did not ask why, at the time I told her I was a fashion photographer, true... but if I would have said I was an artist instead she might have remembered where she saw me... As a few days later I did, it was at an art opening... outside the White Cube in Hoxton... she was standing next to Damien Hirst... and they were both staring at me... well I had not seen Hirst for years... though he always did stare at me or occasionally nod... We had a mutual friend or 2 in common, but there was another reason he always use to stare or nod at me... as I do believe our mutual friend might have told him I was a brilliant artist... Hirst is friends with Rankin, Rankin is a fashion photographer who also own Dazed and Confused and Dazed Media, with a few others... So Damien Hirst standing with one of Rankin's favourite models was not surprising... More surprising was Hirst being at the opening, it was not his show, and he when he shows at the White Cube has a pre private view for his collectors and the press... So very few see him at private views... O Rankin was at the private view as well, standing outside the other side of me to Hirst and the Glaswegian model... smoking cigars... Shame I did not remember that when I was talking to the Glaswegian model at Rankin's studio at Alex Box's book launch... or as I said say I was an artist instead of a fashion photographer... Then Zoe Barling was at the private view where Damien Hirst and the model were staring at me... Though a French photographer we both knew who was also there was convinced at the time the model was staring at him... As he was inside the show when Tracy Emin turned around and looked at us when we were inside the gallery... Not that I know Tracy Emin but we have seen each other at many shows... and I think it was far more likely she was looking at me as she recognised me from somewhere...

Now a number of people have told me how friendly northern English are... Including people from Manchester... Interestingly a friend or 2 of mine are from there... But apart from my own experiences... I also remember something Alex Box said who comes from a north England fishing port, which one I am trying to remember... not that it matters... Alex Box is a world famous make-up artist... who I seem to remember told me she did an art degree at Chelsea... I know Chelsea again... but we were not there at the same time and unlike many who did an art degree then went into fashion... Alex never had a problem with art people... in fact she once message me to tell me to ignore them and get on with my art... as I was obviously so good... which would be fine if a bunch of fashion people and other not very nice or honest were not trying to fuck up my life... Alex is a goth... one half of her hair is black the other is white... In her home town before she left and eventually became famous... people use to spit at her and her boyfriend... telling them they were freaks, perverts and to fuck off and never come back... When she became a famous make-up artist many years later... They heralded her as a wonderful woman that came from that town... Now she was not impressed and nor was I... O do not worry I have so many more true stories... that might include... Damien Hirst... Jay Joplin and Rankin... ;) O another one about Alex Box... a women told her that she really looked liked Alex Box but obviously was a copy cat, as Alex Box is much taller than her... Fashion... Alex Box is an incredibly nice, rather dinky woman... Hope you do not mind me saying this Alex... I could not say for sure how tall she is... because personally I am not obsessed with height... and I think it had no baring on the person... I mean who would... in their right mind... But apparently some fashion person told Alex Box she could not be Alex Box because she was too short... Seriously... of course she could not be a world class make-up artist because she was a rather small beautiful package... I hardly know Alex but she is from all I know a rather wonderful human being, mother and goth...

Many of you might be 'snotty' about fashion though you do seem to dance to their tune even if you do not realise it... and it is the second most polluting industry after oil... and what white people say to me being white is so much different to the way they want to portray themselves... to others of different races... I have talked with so many guys that fuck black, mixed race or asian women then think it is funny, because they actually think they are 'sluts' and 'trash'... Then so many black, asian or mixed race people are so racist against white people... Then so many women are bigoted against men... well particularly white men...

Now I have always been just been me... Which might sound weird but I sort have always been... Where as most of my ex's have been somewhat narcissistic... Now I know all the shit I have said about myself might sound highly narcissistic but if you are revising your artistic book as you promised your mother before she died... and doo not want to go to your families highly hypocritical church ceremony for your mother but actually want to carry out your mothers last wishes... you actually would be on a Greek island in 2015... Now travelling on the Greek islands I have done many times before... But in 2015 it was the first time I had a bunch of lying crackers spread lies saying I was into children in an unhealthy way... Not that that upset me at all... I mean my mother had just died... albeit peacefully in her sleep... When I heard 3 Greek ferrymen, saying in English, staring at me... Who would spread rumours he is into children in the worst way, but someone says they know him and thinks it is highly unlikely... Shit really I think none existent... Spain... scum liars and sadly to say shitkickers.., Now to say most children are boring... and have very limited intelligence... Yes, I could agree with that... To say they have parents that do not know much but pretend they do... at least to their children... Yes... But to spread lies about me to say I am into children in an unhealthy way... No... Apart from anything I sort of have a love affair with curves... women's curves... and I think anyone with a brain might actually realise that... well I am an artist... and my work is about human interaction, which actually does including with women... I must admit I know this was coming out of Spain... I will tell the story why... latter... But at the moment as it has been going on for a longtime... Which actually includes a few ex's... lies etc... I might be slightly pissed off about... and absolute moron police listening to my ex's... Can I see anyone dead over this... probably.... and it seriously is not me... Neither is it just my ex's or any other fuckwit lying about me... But if you want to get down on your knees, say sorry and do everything t apologise... Well maybe the worst scenario might not happen... I might said a little bit annoyed... but what twisted fuck spreads those kind of lies... and between my psycho ex's Arielle De Lacy / Ava De Lacy... Claire Burke... artist that lives in Weybridge in Surrey a sad twisted women that told me our relationship was not serious... but I was suppose to tell her it was...

Then if you know why you could die... whether you are an ex... the police... or some piece of shit that hit on me... why stress... death will come to you all...

Me I could die tomorrow, and I have still lived a life... The absolute scum in Spain... their children... my ex's and their children if they have any... or every other arsehole can just die and turn to dust... no going to heaven or even hell... or the well of souls... Just dust... non existence... and always and forever... NOTHING...

Then who could possibly be the sad, twisted pieces of human trash that would say these things about me... Paranoia, misinterpretation, I think not... Arielle De Lacy / Ava De Lacy... a bunch of scum in Spain.. a bunch of ex pat trash... a bunch of people that do not want to end up in prison... or known as lying scum... I mean in 2016 a women in a car park in Tesco's in Vauxhall was screaming at some woman on the phone... saying you can't say it is not him... Nobody will believe my friends in Spain are telling the truth... Now I have a few ideas about the lies coming out of Spain and my ex's and the human trash that hit on me.... But probably not all... Then maybe one of my art projects can be human lying scum hunting... Why not... do not like scum... and do not like liars...

Bit like Arielle De Lacy / Ava De Lacy / Sirena De Lacy all she had to do like the shitkickers and everyone else had to was, tell the truth rather than lie... But most people seem to prefer to lie than be honest...

Russell Hand © ®