The problem of problems (and of living a life in the front)

A recurring question I keep hearing these days is: what is the problem? 

This question seems to have replaced a question I used to hear instead: what is the solution? 

I feel this marks an important stage in our human development:

A shift away from a narcissistic and omnipotent stance in the face of life and towards a more agentic and responsible stance

A shift away from closed mechanical systems and towards open systems

A shift away from capitalistic and extractive mindsets towards a more society and stakeholder oriented mindset. 

A shift away from efficiency towards effectiveness. 

And yet, as desirable as these shifts may be, I also feel that the real opportunity lies just beyond them, in the recognition that we are part of an infinite network of relationships, evolving and living. 

In such a breathing relational field there is no right or wrong, no fair or unfair. There are no stakeholders because in this relational field there are no separations. 

This living system, this evolving organism in which we all co-exist, moves at a speed that is not the human speed. We must be appearing like little ants to it, frantically moving on the surface of the earth. 

Little ants that live in the front of our bodies, always leaning forward, always missing something. Without balance. At risk of falling on our faces at any time. The front of our bodies and a life lived from there takes us to engage with problems, to look for them, so that we can get busier and stay occupied looking for ways out of them, rather than staying centered in our actions. 

When we make a problem of something, we may take it on. The risk is that we star to co-depend. To tie our existence to it. And to justify our existence through it.

What if there was nothing to fix? How uncomfortable would that be? What would give us a raison d’être then if there were no problems to keep us busy? 

Trust me I know what that feels. I have lived my life unconsciously resolving problems, lending my functionality to dysfunctional situations, deriving a dangerous sense of satisfaction from taking things on me, a sweet sense of worthiness from being of help. The illusion of finally belonging, of finally having a place. How many of us have let the hunger for finding this place drive our lives, without realizing that it was destroying our relationships, turning our loved ones into shadows, and enveloping ourselves into dense nets and cords, leaving us strangled and stiffened? 

What if there was nothing to fix because there was no problem in first place? When we overcome that discomfort what lies ahead is a pure sense of liberation. Freedom from unhealthy ties and toxic dependencies. Lightness. Joy. The joy of an unchained heart, an open heart. 

A heart that is not bleeding out from its front, ready to turn any emotion into a drama, any event into a crisis, any distance into an abandonment, any conflict into a war. A heart that is balanced because it is open to receive from the back.

And what does that heart receive when it leans back? My guess is that it receives self love. 

Because if we were filled with self love maybe we would not need to look around for problems to feel good and worthy. If we were filled with self solve we would break loose from dynamics of power - and the strongest dynamics of power are those created by the ones who want to help. Then we would simply be part, be engaged, be present, be directed. Conscious action would be possible then.

If we were filled with self love, we would give without asking back. We would extend without grasping or shifting the burden or the judgement onto others. We would be silent. We would listen. We would move slowly … no longer ants, no longer dysfunctional, no longer frantic.

Huge problem that of problems, it seems. So what would be the question that we could finally ask, the one that would free us from having to fix, that would finally give us the key to that land where belonging is just everybody’s natural state, and not one to desperately recreate through dysfunctional relationships and structures? 

If the field that surrounds and embraces us is indeed a field of relations and interconnections, where no one is separate, nothing exist per se, but only in those relationships, then I suggest the question may be: what is the paradox? 

Paradoxes are mesmerizing. They do not have a solution, so we are free. They coil around themselves, with no beginning and no end. Wicked. Maybe. I say beautiful, living, real. Not right nor wrong. Not fair nor unfair. Not male nor female. Not north nor south. A world of both. A world of many possibilities. In which we can be free and of which we can be part. 

What are the structures that we could create, out of love, to reorient towards paradoxes? 

What are those businesses that are not set up to solve problems but to weave relationships? What are their business models, the contracts, the norms, the organizations, the communications, the channels? What societies would we create, if we were simply weaving healthy relationships? What structures and architectures would love create?

If those structure could free us and return to us lightness and joy, humanity, kindness, and hope, then what would it take to be finally filled with love and able to look into the vortex of paradoxes un-scared and unscarred?

Maybe it simply takes that we lean back first...