The Problem For Women In Tech And Business

Sorry, John Greathouse... You're wrong.

If you didn’t read the article that was written on the Wall Street Journal by John Greathouse yesterday, you can do so here. For the sake of catching you up, here is a summary: John recommends that women go by only their initials when applying for jobs or submitting a pitch for funding. He explains that people’s inherent bias to “judge a book by its cover” cannot be overcome, and thus women must accept this as the status-quo.

Now, normally I wouldn’t go after another writer or business person for stating their opinion, regardless of how much I disagree with it. But this… this one I couldn’t just let slide – for many reasons. Perhaps it’s because I am a father of two daughters, or the fact that the President of my company is a strong and successful business woman, or maybe it’s just my old fashioned sensibilities of not looking at a victim and asking them to change their ways.

There was recently a story in my town about a highschool boy who lodged a formal complaint against the cheerleaders of the school. He demanded that they not wear their uniforms because they were causing him to have “impure thoughts.” Sorry, but that’s a “you problem”, it’s not on them.

Just like that boy, I see John asking the women of the world to change their behavior in order to accommodate the people with the actual problem. It’s focusing on the results, and not the cause of the issue.

It Starts Early

There was a recent stir caused on social media when Amy Schumer and Blake Lively both shared images of a Girl’s Life magazine cover juxtaposed with a Boy’s Life magazine cover. They were both upset at the frivolousness of the topics on the cover of the girl’s magazine and the sheer sexism being shown in contrast to the topics chosen for the boy’s magazine. They were wholly justified in their anger, and what they were highlighting is actually the cause of the problem John Greathouse tried to solve with his call for women to wear digital masks.

From an early age, we develop preconceived notions of what women are and what men are. Now, I could get into an even deeper topic on the matter of race and ethnicity, but–for the purpose of this article–let’s just stick with gender. While, genetically speaking, there are differences between the genders, at no point do those differences need to become obstacles.

And hey, just so we’re clear, I grew up in a very conservative household that had some pretty antiquated ideals on the roles of men and women. I love my parents to death, and I think they did an amazing job. But yes, they did pass on to me some warped ideals of gender roles. It wasn’t their fault. They were simply teaching me what they had been taught. And therein lies the danger. Many of the things we think are self-evident when it comes to genders are actually prejudices that have been ingrained ingrained from a very early age.

When I was a kid, I liked purple, pink, and other bright colors. I wasn’t a fan of blue. But, when asked what my favorite color was, I was quick to say blue because I had experienced the ridicule of saying purple before and I wasn’t going to go through that again. But you better believe that, now that I’m older and more secure with myself, my closet is overflowing with purple and pink shirts. In fact, I’m wearing a purple shirt as I write this article!

Now, I’m talking about something as superfluous as a choice in colors but is a sign of a much deeper problem. As I mentioned earlier, I am the father of two girls. One of them mentioned to me a while back that she didn’t like blue because, “blue was a boys’ color.” I stopped her and asked her where she had learned that. Not surprisingly, she couldn’t remember. She’s only six years old and she’s already creating prejudices based on gender, and she doesn’t even know where they’re coming from! Which, as a parent, is terrifying because I know neither my wife nor myself were the ones to give her that idea. So, if we as her parents, seemingly the two most important factors in her education, can’t stem the onslaught of prejudice, then what hope do we have?

Instead of throwing up my hands and making my daughter remove all the blue shirts from her closet, I think we need to look at the source of the problem.

Women ARE Different

I’m married to a woman who does things I know I’m physically incapable of doing. And I’m not just speaking about childbirth. I’ve seen levels of empathy flow from her I know I could never emulate. I’ve seen her tirelessly work on projects for our children that she’ll never receive an ounce of recognition for. I’ve also seen her go through her last year of college, while in her third trimester of pregnancy, and still graduate with honors. She’s an amazing human being. As a woman, she’s very different from me. And that’s okay.

Do I consider her an equal? Far from it. I would never deign to consider myself on the level of my wife. Her abilities far supersedemy own. I am not her equal in any way, shape, or form.

I don’t believe that what we need, as a society, is to pretend we’re all equal. In fact, we should embrace the idea that we aren’t equals in many situations. What we do need to provide is an equal opportunity for someone to prove their worth. This doesn’t mean everyone puts on a mask or, as John brought up in his article as a proof of concept, hides behind a screen while auditioning. Instead, we need to remove the prejudice.

This is obviously easier said than done. But it can be done. It’s accomplished by first realizing there is a prejudice, which John does point out in his article. And yes, we are predisposed to react to prejudices. But just because there is a predisposition doesn’t mean it’s a fact of life. It merely means there is an obstacle for the BEHOLDER, not the BEHOLDEN. The beholden is who they are. They should never hide or change that. Similarly, the beholder is NOT their prejudices. They are who they are, they should never hide or change that. But no one is a prejudice.

We are human beings. We are sons, daughters, husbands, wives, grandparents, and friends. At no point is someone a racist, a bigot, or a sexist at birth. That state of being is a result of the prejudices they’ve been taught.

But for a group of people who have been to the moon, who have composed symphonies, who one day hope to colonize the stars, how could something as minor as a prejudice hold us back? We’re so much more than our upbringings. I’ve seen fathers who never had a father of their own become some of the best dads I’ve ever met. I’ve seen people from abusive households grow up to become the most kind and gentle people I know.

The discussion of women in business is not about how can women assimilate themselves into an environment that is hostile. Rather, it should be a discussion on how can we dismantle the inherent hostility that exists in business.

My personal opinion on the matter is that we’re all far too intelligent to succumb to lies. If I told you the sky was green, you’d know I was lying and you wouldn’t believe me. You wouldn’t let it affect your decisions, because you know it’s obviously a lie. Similarly, if I told you men were better managers than women, you should give me the same look as when I’d told you the sky was green. Then, when you received a resume, regardless of the name or initials present at the top of the paper, you would not allow the ridiculous claim to affect your decision on whether to interview or hire that person.

Now, how do you disprove a prejudice? You put it to the test. If I told you the sky was green and you weren’t quite sure, you should probably go outside and look up. Boom, prejudice destroyed. If I told you men were better than women at problem solving, maybe you should read some studies on the matter, talk to the women in your life, or read a book or two. Very quickly, you’ll realize this prejudice doesn’t hold water.

Yes, it will make you uncomfortable to examine prejudices you’ve grown up with your whole life. But that’s part of being an adult. And to solve these issues, we need to have a healthy dose of introspection and self-awareness to work on identifying and dismantling our prejudices.

Because it’s a me problem, for all of us, not a you problem.

Oh, and just one final note. My two beautiful daughters are named Andalynn and Kennedy. But as their dad I call them Andie and Kenny, both names that could pass for boy names. I do this because it’s easy to say, and quite frankly I love the reaction some people have when they hear them. When they’re older, I hope they embrace who they are and proudly write their full names on their resumes, and reserve their “boyish” nicknames for their friends and family. Because a name should have nothing to do with who you are.

This article originally appeared on my Forbes column.