Proper Selfishness (Part One)

This month’s newsletters will deal with the concept of proper selfishness. If you’ve worked with me as your coach, you likely have heard me use the term in our discussions. It’s a concept I have applied in all areas of my life with great benefit.

I encourage you to reflect on my suggestions while you get away for some rest, reflection, and renewal this summer.

Proper selfishness is rooted in self-respect and self-care. It’s about ensuring that your actions and decisions align with the values and beliefs you live by. It can lead to personal well-being and personal care that makes you a better and more complete “you.”

I also believe this concept lies at the root of effective leadership. As a leader, you can’t give what you don’t have.

The Foundation of Proper Selfishness

Let me lay the foundation of proper selfishness for your reflection:

Balanced Prioritization: Know when to put yourself first while still considering the needs and feelings of others.

Healthy Boundaries: Set boundaries to protect your mental, emotional, and physical health without isolating yourself or harming others.

Positive Self-Regard: Having a realistic and positive view of yourself without becoming self-centered (this also helps counteract imposter syndrome).

Enhanced Well-being: This leads to better mental and emotional health due to self-respect and proper care.

Improved Relationships: Others may respect you more for your assertiveness and clarity, leading to healthier interactions. Conversely, some people may have the opposite view because it is more difficult to use guilt or fear to manipulate or control you (that’s OK because you likely have a few people that you’re better off not having to deal with).

Personal Growth: Taking ownership over your development by focusing on fulfilling your potential by leveraging your natural strengths and talents while maintaining a balanced life.

Theme Number One: Personal Health

Proper selfishness in the context of health refers to prioritizing your physical health and wellness without disregarding the needs of others. By caring for yourself, you can contribute to the well-being of others and fulfill your personal and professional responsibilities effectively. It's self-care with positive ripple effects that extends to all the communities and environments you operate in.

Proper Selfishness and Physical Well-Being: 7 Key Aspects

Here are a few key aspects of proper selfishness relating to physical well-being that you’ve likely heard, read, or even said yourself, but are you living them?

1. Self-Care: Ensuring you get adequate sleep, nutrition, exercise, and relaxation. This means setting aside time for these activities, even if it requires saying no to other demands on your time.

2. Listening to Your Body (this is literally what my chiropractor told me on my last visit): Be attuned to your body’s signals and then respond appropriately. If you’re feeling fatigued, stressed, or unwell, address these issues rather than ignoring them. If your personal battery is running low, it needs to be recharged.

3. Setting Boundaries: Establishing clear boundaries with others to protect your health and well-being. This might include limiting work hours, saying no to social obligations when you need rest, or avoiding activities that are detrimental to your health (remember, “no” is a complete sentence).

4. Seeking Medical Care: Being proactive about seeking medical advice and treatment when necessary. This includes regular check-ups, following medical advice, and not delaying treatment for health issues. Men are typically the worst at this. When did you have your last physical?

5. Balancing Responsibilities: Finding a healthy balance between taking care of yourself and fulfilling your responsibilities to others. Proper selfishness does not mean neglecting others, but rather ensuring that you are in a good state to be able to help others effectively.

6. Mental Health: Recognizing that mental health is an integral part of overall well-being. Taking steps to manage stress, seeking therapy or counseling if needed, and engaging in activities that promote mental wellness are essential (admitting you need help is not a sign of weakness, but of self-awareness and the first step to healing).

7. Education and Awareness: Staying informed about health, treatments, and wellness practices and being open to learning new ways to improve your physical well-being.

By embracing proper selfishness, you can maintain your health and well-being, which in turn enables you to live a fuller, more productive life and be there for others when they need you.

I’ll close with my opening comment about being the best and most effective leader possible: You can’t give what you don’t have. For your benefit and ours, be properly selfish and look after yourself!

My Growth Through Learning Academy is designed to help architecture, engineering, and construction professionals become top performers in their industries. Click the button below to learn more about the academy and claim your free 7-day email course!