PTSD

I have a new appreciation for PTSD this week. 

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is a condition that engulfs some people that experience a scary or dangerous event. It manifests in a wide range of behaviors and feelings including apathy, agitation, excessive fear of mundane events, inability to concentrate, challenges falling asleep, anxiety, snapping at people for the tiniest of actions, challenges communicating or even being with other people and more. Different people experience it differently and exhibit some, many, or different mixes of the symptoms above. 

Having served in the military (I did not kill anybody but, unfortunately, witnessed death and injuries), and just being around for a good amount of time, I have watched and been with people who had PTSD. But, watching is not experiencing.

I have never had PTSD before, even though I have had my fair share of traumatic events in my life. I don’t know why that has been the case and so, I guess I can only be grateful for it. 

This past couple of weeks, following Hamas’ brutal and horrific attack on Israel on October 7th, I noticed myself and my wife exhibiting PTSD-like symptoms. The shock of the surprise attack, the vicious brutality - so much of it literally inhumane barbaric behavior, including towards children, even babies, the scale of it (over 1300 dead, over 3000 wounded, close to 200 kidnapped in 48 only hours…), and the continuous pouring of horrific photos and videos and individual stories of the people who experienced it first hand - the heart explodes - all made it a continuous dissonance:

Is it really true?

Is it real?!?

Is it happening to us?!?

In 2023?!?!?!?!?

My wife and I found ourselves this past couple of weeks often walking like zombies in the house. Sometimes we talked with one another, other times we just walked pass each other. At times we wanted to hug our 16 years old daughter who lives with us, at other we snapped at her for the most insignificant of things. We could not manage our meals, ate mostly junk at odd times, woke up multiple times at night. We tried to work, weren’t able to concentrate, let alone be creative, barely able to keep to the minimum of just the most important things, wishing not to engage, definitely not to be on camera. 

The TV was on the same news channel 24x7 as we partially watched it while also checking social media constantly for more information.  We talked with our friends and family members in Israel 20 times a day. We wanted to be left alone and be silent, we wanted to scream, we cried, we were angry, we were sad, we were angry again. We went out for long walks to try and clean our heads. None of us read a single page in a book. We were shocked our daughter was able to go to school and do her homework. We were angry at her for not caring more. We were so happy for her to be able to do so. 

Two specific events drove home these symptoms we experience.

My wife called me on Thursday midday. I was on a call at work. I picked up. She was panting. She told me she was all right, but needed to talk with me. She drove back from Costco (a 10 min drive from our house in Palo Alto). At some point she noticed two motorcycles driving behind her. Her mind immediately went into: “these are terrorists coming to kill me”. She sped up, made a sharp turn at the next intersection and after they continued straight stopped at the side to call me. Even during the 30 seconds this event took place, she logically knew this is not real. It was perfectly clear to her we are in California and there is no danger, and still. 

Then, earlier this week I took a flight. At the gate, I saw two people holding their two twin girls who must have been about a year old. My first thought was: they look just like the babies who were kidnapped last week from an Israeli village to Gaza. The video of their capture mashed in front of my eyes with the two real life babies in front of me. Why is that my first thought? It makes no sense. Well, PTSD is not logical. 

All along the week I was thinking about this immense human suffering. It is surreal. It is unreal. And then I was thinking - if this is what I feel, all the way out here in California, I can’t even imagine how must people in Israel feel?!? How must those in Gaza?!?!?

My heart goes for the people there, their immense suffering and the trauma that must stay with so many of them for years to come…

I have a whole new level of appreciation to the challenges people might encounter with PTSD and what we as coworkers and managers should do with that.  

I have been blessed; I have a great management team whom I could depend on to keep the lights on and get the work done while I was not at my best, and a supportive manager and peers who were able to give me the time to recover.

Not everybody has those.  and so, here are some things we can do, should do:

1. Be Sensitive to Our People: Lots of things can cause PTSD. We should be sensitive to the people working with us (working for us if we are managers, working with us as peers), to identify when those people might need help. Be tuned to the appearance of potential symptoms, talk with them often, be sensitive to changes in people's behaviors.
2. Reach Out and Ask: if you worry someone’s behavior has changed unexpectedly – ask them why it happened and listen to potential PTSD symptoms.
3. Offer Sympathy: It is so hard to know what to say to someone who has experienced (or is experiencing) trauma. and so, many people don't reach out, simply because they don't know what to say. Reach out! It is very helpful. But... don't ask if they are OK - they are not. The outreach that me feel best is something along: "I have no words", or "I don't know what to say, but wanted to reach out and tell you I am thinking of you and am here if there is anything I can do".
4. Give Time: I am not an expert and cannot provide clinical advice, but I do know that people with PTSD often just need time. And if not “just”, they definitely “also” need time. Do whatever you can to give them the time. Delegate tasks to other people, offer them a relaxed schedule, ask others to pitch in, cover for and help.
5. Suggest Additional Resources: Direct the people to professional resources (even if only the HR or Employee Services team at your company) that can look for more ways to help.

It’s impossible to know when one might encounter PSTD and need such support.  Having gone through it now, I hope to be more sensitive to the people around me. I hope others will too.