Purpose Makes You Less Lonely

Last month I completed the first draft of my next book for Hay House. 49,630 words in 32 days. Every day, like so many writers/authors around the world, I would sit at my desk, first thing in the morning and hammer out words.

Here’s what they don’t tell you about writing non-fiction, when you’re imagining the person who needs to be helped by the central promise of your book, you’re constantly in a state of service. With every word you write, you imagine that ideal reader flicking through the pages in a book store, and you phrase your message around helping them as much as you can, with every sentence. This fills you with an immense amount of purpose that keeps you disciplined in the writing process.

Each morning, throughout the whole month, I felt happier than I had been since 2021, the last time I was writing my last book. Every day, I felt a profound sense of purpose that the previous months (April to July 2023), steeped in book marketing, did just not give me. (Marketing in fact, feels the opposite of serving for me, it always feels like doing things strategically so you can receive something). While writing the second book, I have felt connected to others in a way that only being of service can allow you to feel, yet I was still doing an activity which was largely solitary. The focus it brought me also warded of the sometimes unwanted feelings of isolation I have as a single woman surrounded by married friends with children. I felt anchored, the writing now feels like my North Star!

I decided to do some research on the connection between purpose and feeling less lonely. Mathias Allemand from the University of Zurich and Gabriel Olaru from Tilburg University studied 2300 adults in Switzerland and found that purposeful living leads to reduced feelings of loneliness, regardless of age and other circumstances.

Key Takeaways from the study:

·       The size of the tasks that give you purpose do not matter. You don’t have to be saving the planet or even writing a self-help book, it can be as simple as tending to your garden. Simple activities which give you joy

·       It’s no coincidence that “purposeful activities,” unlike my writing, often involve the presence of others. For example, being on a sports team.

·       Once again, being of service was the antidote to loneliness and I have a whole chapter on this in my book Let's Talk About Loneliness. It was found in the study that people who both gave and received social support registered a higher feeling of purpose.

You can read more on the study HERE.

I realised that the lift in my mood while writing to serve others was something that I want to keep for the rest of my life, whether another word is published or not. I'm making a deal with myself that I will keep writing until my back is gnarled and I can no longer type.

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Simone Heng is a human connection specialist and former international broadcaster for, among others, Virgin Radio Dubai, HBO Asia, and CNBC.

Her work on loneliness and human connection specifically deals with the intersection of culture and trauma.

As a speaker, Simone inspires people to connect in a world thirsty for connection. She has spoken to thousands, and often for Fortune 500 organizations. Her clients include Google, Meta, Amazon, ByteDance, KPMG, Spotify, Salesforce, SAP, Lucasfilm, the United Nations, and many more. Simone and her work have been featured on CNN and in Forbes, SCMP, TEDx, Vogue, Glamour, BBC Radio, Elle, and Harper’s Bazaar, among others.

Simone is based and was born in Singapore but has also studied in Switzerland, was raised in Australia, and worked in the United Arab Emirates. She has a communications and cultural studies degree from Curtin University of Technology.

Her latest book “Let’s Talk About Loneliness” is published by Hay House and available globally.