Push back 🚫 against a pushy coworker

Welcome to Quick Confidence! This weekly letter delivers a spritz of stories, tips and actions that will build your confidence and power. Each tip bolsters confidence in your body, mind, and relationships so you can lead yourself and others to greatness.

📣 This month we’re focusing on confident assertiveness to celebrate the second edition of my book, Pushback, out on September 18th! More on why it's a big deal below. 📣

Ever been in a meeting where a colleague treated you like a subordinate, even though you were peers? 😤

I’ve been there. I vividly recall a time when I worked alongside a colleague—let’s call him Mike. We were both on the same level, striving to help our clients improve employee engagement, yet in meetings, Mike would routinely position himself as my superior. He’d suggest I handle the “office housework” like scheduling and note-taking (a burden more often placed on women and people of color, btw) while reserving the spotlight tasks for himself.

Each time, I walked away from those meetings feeling more frustrated, irritated, and, frankly, defeated.

If you’ve had a “Mike” in your work life, you know how these situations can chip away at your confidence, making it harder to assert yourself the more you let things slide. But there's good news: You can take back your power! Use the strategies below to be more assertive and ensure you’re being treated as the valuable contributor you are.

Quick Confidence Tips to Assert Yourself with a Pushy Coworker:

1. Interpersonal: Enlist your manager’s support. Proactive communication with your manager can provide much-needed air cover. If your manager backs you up when you need to decline work being delegated to you by your peers, it makes it that much easier for you to say no in the first place. So the next time a colleague tries to rope you into a non-critical task, let them know that while you aim to be a team player, you also need to prioritize high-impact work. Your manager’s support reinforces your boundaries and makes it clear to pushy colleagues that your time is valued.
2. Mindset: Stay ready with a few quick comebacks. Let’s be real: thinking on your feet isn’t always easy, especially when emotions are running high. That’s why having a few assertive responses at the ready is helpful. For example, if someone says, “Here’s how we’re going to divvy up the work,” you might push back with, “That’s one way to do it. I recommend we…” Or, if they try to sign you up for a new project, say, “That’s an interesting project, but it’s not realistic with my current workload,” or “I need to talk to my manager about it first” (see the first tip). When in doubt, you can always say you need to think it over to avoid a “Yes” that you’ll regret later—this is particularly important for women who, according to research, are expected to be more agreeable than men.
3. Embodied: LOL—Yes, laugh out loud! Humor can be a powerful tool to diffuse tension and take control of a situation. When Mike-like colleagues suggest you handle the grunt work, try lightening the mood with a quip like, “Did I sign up for the grunt work and somehow forget? Thanks, I’ll take a hard pass!” This strategy can catch them off guard, making them reconsider their approach. Remember that using humor to diffuse an uncomfortable situation isn’t about avoidance or deflection. Here, it's used as a tool to acknowledge the absurdity of the request without attacking the other person and while maintaining your own composure.

Dealing with a colleague who consistently oversteps can be draining, but these tips allow you to respond without being confrontational. By standing up and pushing back professionally, you protect your peace of mind and build a reputation as someone assertive and confident who values their own contributions.

What strategies have you used to assert yourself at work? Share your experiences in the comments—I’d love to hear how you’ve handled your own “Mikes.”

Pushback 2.0 and Quick Confidence in paperback!

The second edition of my book Pushback, and the paperback of my book Quick Confidence both come out on September 18th!

Unusual? Definitely. I don't know of any authors who've had a dual book release. Books need to sell a lot of copies to merit a second edition (yay, Pushback!) or paperback version (yay, Quick Confidence!), so I'm pretty honored and excited about this.

If you want to be part of the movement, place a preorder of Pushback 2.0 for yourself, mom, team, friends, daughter, niece... you get the idea. Preorders help more people learn about the book and increase its chance of getting on a bestseller list. And if you've been patiently waiting for the paperback edition of Quick Confidence, your wait is over! You can preorder the paperback version now. Thank you as always for your continued support!