Put yourself first: A letter to the people-pleasers

Hi Coach,

Let’s get straight to it—putting yourself first isn’t selfish.

It’s necessary.

If you’re someone who constantly prioritises others, even to your detriment, then this is for you.

Being a people-pleaser means saying yes when you want to say no, bending your time and energy for others, and putting yourself last—or maybe second, but still not first.

It’s driven by a fear of not being liked, a need to justify your worth, or an aversion to disappointing people.

Sound familiar?

If so, I need you to hear this: You can’t keep sacrificing yourself without consequences.

When you prioritise others over your own needs, you risk burnout, resentment, and unhappiness.

It’s a recipe for exhaustion, mediocrity in your work, and even bitterness toward those you aim to help.

Worst of all, it keeps you from thriving.

Here’s the solution: Put yourself first.

Start by reclaiming your calendar.

Imagine it’s Sunday evening and you’re planning your week.

Instead of filling your schedule with everyone else’s demands, schedule your own needs first.

Block time for exercise, sleep, hobbies, and activities that recharge you.

Make those non-negotiable.

When you start prioritising yourself, a few things happen.

First, you gain control over your time, energy, and happiness.

Second, your boundaries teach others to respect you.

And finally, you’re able to give more to the people and work you truly care about—because you’re no longer depleted.

Let’s make it practical.

Here are some steps to put yourself first:

1. Live in your calendar, not your to-do list. Schedule everything that matters to you, and leave extra time as a buffer. If it’s not in your calendar, it’s not real.
2. Set boundaries. Protect your time like it’s gold. If someone asks for your time, offer options that fit your priorities, not theirs. Remember, “no” is a complete sentence.
3. Start your day with intention. Whether it’s journaling, exercise, or a quiet coffee, begin your day in control. It sets the tone for everything else.
4. Redesign your week. Include time for deep work, breaks, and recovery. Limit unnecessary meetings. Work smarter, not harder.
5. Drop the guilt. Saying no doesn’t mean you’re letting people down. It means you’re prioritising what truly matters—your well-being and your ability to serve at your best.

Here’s a truth you need to accept: Nobody else will prioritise you.

It’s your job.

If you’re worried about guilt, remember that burned-out you is no good to anyone.

You don’t have to explain your choices.

Simply say, “I’m not available,” and suggest an alternative.

People will adjust.

And if they don’t respect your boundaries, they’re showing you where they don’t belong in your life.

Take this as your call to action.

Start saying no to what doesn’t serve you, yes to what lights you up, and build a life that reflects your values.

Your future self will thank you.

🗣️ 👀

Chris.