QUESTION FROM A COACH – WHAT IF MY CLIENT IS FRUSTRATED BY MY QUESTIONS?

Question - How do I coach a person who feels frustrated with my coaching questions?

Jennifer – First of all, both our current and prospective clients should already know that they are responsible for doing the work in answering some big questions their coach will bring to them. Therefore, if they're frustrated, it could be that we as the coach didn't do our job appropriately to define who is responsible for what.

So many times clients come and say, “I thought she was going to tell me the answer.” This false expectation may not necessarily be the client’s fault. They just got an incorrect version or understanding of what coaching is. So, it's your responsibility before you even engage in a coaching conversation with them to explain that your role as a coach is to ask questions and actively listen to identify obstacles, fears and limiting beliefs that get in their way. And it’s their job to do the work of answering those questions, building self-awareness, identifying for themselves their own obstacles, as well as working towards their own solutions.

Therefore, it's important that we're checking in with ourselves - did we establish those expectations well. If we did and then the client comes and asks - “Why are you asking me all these deep questions?” - this is a good time for you to remind them that coaching is the process of exploring to help you identify who you are and how you show up in the world so that you can get out of your own way and reach your goals. And if you didn’t do it sufficiently during your initial visit with the client, then find time to explain to them more clearly what coaching is and what it isn't.

But let's just say you've done all that and they are still struggling with answering those big questions. This presents you with a great coachable moment. It's an opportunity for you to coach the client around her frustration. So, it might sound  like, “Hmm Jane - I know that you understand my role as coach and your role as the client, yet I'm noticing you resist and avoid, or even push back on some of my questions. What do you think that that's about?” So you use it as a coachable moment and remember, you're likely asking these clients things that they've never been asked before. You're making them explore truths about themselves and maybe challenging them in a way that nobody ever has. It’s natural that their ego is going to resist a little bit. So coach them around that resistance. When you do, beautiful shifts will soon follow.

About the Author  

Jennifer Powers is an ICF Master Certified Coach and founder of Powerhouse Coaching. Powerhouse Coaching specializes in leading 10-hour Group Mentor Coaching Classes for coaches wanting to attain or renew their ACC, PCC or MCC   credentialing from the International Coaching Federation . Powerhouse Coaching also offers 75-hour ICF Level 3 Master Certified Coach courses to coaches wanting to move from PCC to MCC. Professional coaches can also join the Powerhouse Coaching Club which features skill building and business building for an international community of coaches. Learn more at www.phcoach.com.