Read this before asking for a raise! 💪

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Ever hesitate at the idea of asking for a raise? 💸 If so, you’re in good company. Many of us, especially women, have been conditioned to stay quiet about money and just feel “grateful” for what we have. But let’s be honest—tiptoeing around pay and waiting for someone else to see your worth? It just doesn’t work. 

Here’s the thing: asking for a raise is about more than just money. It’s about ensuring that your pay reflects the value you bring. And while we might understand this concept at its core, I know firsthand that it doesn’t make asking any less nerve-wracking.

It reminds me of when I found out that not one —but multiple peers —were being paid thousands more than me, even though we were in similar roles. Talk about infuriating!

Realizing I wasn’t being fairly compensated stung, but the hardest part was mustering up the courage to ask for that raise. It was like standing before a tough judge, hoping for a lenient ruling.

Whether it’s the fear of asking or limiting beliefs like, “Do I really deserve this?” holding you back, remember: if you’ve taken on new responsibilities or grown your skills, that effort warrants compensation. Here’s how to ask in a way that feels empowering, prepared, and (dare I say?) a little thrilling. 😉

Quick Confidence Tips for Asking for a Raise

1. Mindset: Use confident language. When discussing your achievements, let’s leave “I think” and “I feel” behind. There’s no need to water down your accomplishments. Instead of saying, “I feel like I’ve contributed a lot to the team,” go in strong: “I increased team productivity by 20% through [specific project].” Being prepared with facts and stats and communicating them with clear, confident language boosts your credibility. Still feeling butterflies at the thought of asking? Try role-playing with a friend or family member. It will help you polish your tone and feel less awkward answering tough questions. You can even ask them for feedback on your eye contact and body language. Practicing this way doesn’t just sharpen your points—it helps you stay cool and will boost your confidence for the real meeting.
2. Interpersonal: Build in some runway. An essential but often overlooked aspect of asking for a raise is setting yourself up for the best-case scenario. Long-time Quick Confidence supporter and friend, Dr. Todd Dewett, shared some great advice on this: He suggests asking in a way that doesn't box your manager in. His example? Try something like: “In nine months, what milestones would I need to achieve to make a raise an easy decision?” This strategy doesn’t just increase your chances of getting a raise (because it gives you time to codevelop a plan with your boss); it also prompts you to add new achievements to your resume, setting you up for other opportunities if a raise is still out of reach. Thanks, Todd!
3. Embodied: Practice emotional intelligence. Being well-prepared for a salary conversation is great, but empathy and timing are also important. Your manager is human, with their own stresses and responsibilities—which means there’s a right and wrong time to ask. Asking right after big layoffs or budget cuts is probably not the best idea. Same with asking right after their stressful monthly leadership meeting. Aim to broach the topic after a positive—like a project win, after wrapping up a successful presentation, or after receiving high praise from a top client. Read the room and read your manager's energy. Choosing the right time—when your wins are fresh in their mind and your manager is most receptive—gives you the best chance of success. As you know, timing is everything!

Sure, it would be amazing if every accomplishment automatically led to a raise, but let’s face it—that’s just not how it usually works. Leaders have their own priorities, so it’s up to us to advocate for ourselves. Schedule that meeting at the right time, bring the facts, and lead the conversation with confidence. The more prepared you are, the easier it is to show that your value deserves recognition.

So let’s hear it—what’s helped you overcome the nerves when asking for a raise? Or what would help you get ready to finally ask? I’d love to hear your tips and stories in the comments!

Making your point succinctly, disagreeing without being defensive, and knowing the proper etiquette when communicating through email versus in-person are all necessary skills for being a powerful communicator.

In my Interpersonal Communication Nano Tips course I teach you the tools required to master interpersonal communication. Check it out!