Read This If Nobody Can Understand You

You might believe that you are unique because of your past. Nobody could possibly ever understand you. In other words, your significance is tied to your problems and the current drama in your life.

Many of my clients also believe that deep down, they are unfixable. They believe they have too many issues. Others are normal, and they are not. They also believe that they are a high-functioning fuck up, and can laugh and drink to this.

You are unique, but you are not a snowflake because of your problems. To every client who believes that they are so rare, unique, different, and nobody else can ever be like them, I can immediately remember 3-5 other clients who have had the exact equivalent experience. And I am just one coach, who hasn't had thousands of clients like Tony Robbins, which means I have very limited data, compared to a research agency.

It goes to show how your problems that you believed that made you significant, actually makes you very "normal."

You might find this hard to believe. You can't fathom that you're a "common case," as someone who has been in wars, seen people die, had really bad illnesses, experienced extreme violence, neglect/ abandonment, issues with your parents, intense betrayal, bullying, or even experienced prostitution or rape.

We believe that weird problems happens to us because there is something very wrong with us... or because we are different.

People also believe that their current problems are not relatable, and nobody could really understand. Dysfunctional marriage dynamics. Complex family problems. Career and business issues. Their circumstances feel so special, different from everyone else's, and therefore they feel that they can't truly fix it, and maybe nobody can help them. This is also not true.

Many people have had the extreme degree of problem that you're experiencing, and many people have deeply healed and moved on to live the once "impossible" outcome.

Jorge Luis Borges once said that there is nothing new under the sun. Everything original has already been created, and every original work is only a new rendition of something old. This is also true when it comes to the intricacies and the uniqueness of human experiences and problems.

From the perspective of someone whose profession is to pry and address the deepest, darkest, and the most honest parts of a person, the problems that make you "special" are only the results of your own limited perceptions. You've been sheltered. You've been living in a limited perspective, immersed in your own experiences. You've been living inside one character, experiencing this one character's thoughts, beliefs, and perceptions, and have been gathering data from a limited social network.

That's why you feel that there's no one out there with similar experiences. You live in a world where everyone is trying their best to appear normal. Everyone is trying to hide their shame. Everyone wants to seem like they're okay. Everyone wants to fit in. Everyone wants to be a success, or at least, appear to be.

The times you tried to express what's inside, you felt judged immediately.

The ones who judge others so quickly are those who want to avoid the pain of facing their own past, because seeing someone else open up becomes a reminder of what's inside of them, and it hurts them. Based on these rejections, you've made up the meaning that if you show yourself, nobody will like you. You also come to believe that nobody can understand you.

Your problems have come to make you feel significant.

Then, who would you be without your problems?

The truth is that most people have many of these "unique" problems, and the most common reaction is avoidance. That's why it feels like you are the only one. That's what makes you feel different, special, unique, and nobody can understand you.

When you want real transformation and change, you have to do the hard thing and let go of being significant because of your problems. To have an extraordinary life, and have success on your terms, your problems cannot be what makes you unique.

You have to let go of this attachment that you are something special because of your past negative experiences that hurt you. You also have to realize that many people, even in your immediate city, have experienced exactly what you've experienced, and most certainly, at the global level, there are at least thousands of replicas of your problem.

What makes someone actually unique?

Very few stay on the painful course to let this go. Very few learn to be different, significant, and special, because they are the ones who are willing to DO THE REAL WORK and heal from the problem.

How would you like to be known? How would you like to be significant? The one who had a lot of bad shit happen to that nobody can relate to, or the one who does their own work, and makes an incredible contribution?

About the Author:

Julia Cha is a best-selling author and a success coach for women leaders ready to shatter glass ceilings. With her expertise in subconscious transformation, she guides her clients to create their dream life in all aspects: a thriving career, financial abundance, and supportive relationships.

Learn more: www.juliacha.com

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