The Real Problem with Swearing
🟦 Susan Rooks 📚 The Grammar Goddess
Editor/Proofreader: I help business / nonfiction writers and podcasters look and sound as smart as they are.🔸Cruciverbalist🔸BIZCATALYST 360° Columnist🔸‼️The Oxford Comma‼️🔸Dog Rescuer🔸Spunky Old Broad😉
First published on BIZCATALYST 360
*****
No, it's not what you might be thinking.
Recently, I posted a fun meme that had a “swear” jar and a “talking about my dog” jar for coins, reflecting an old idea that when we swear or when we talk about topics we weren’t asked about, we should drop a coin in the jar to remind ourselves to not do that.
Oh, you missed it? Well, here’s the link.
But to my point, the words we use aren’t the only issue, especially with swearing.
Why?
Because not everyone thinks the same way about specific words. Each language has some words that are considered naughty or inappropriate in polite society, but there may be disagreement in any one country/culture or even different countries that use much the same language.
In the U.S., the word “bloody” means covered in blood; it’s not a nasty, dirty swear word.
But in the UK, it has been one of the worst of the worst, even though apparently that may be changing.
Here in the U.S., the “F” word is about as ugly as we can get, although even that word seems to be creeping into more polite conversations.
So if it’s not the specific word that gets so many of us riled up, what is it?
The tone of voice we use along with the words.
Most of us know the approximate percentages of beliefs we have with words used by others in what’s known as a “mixed message,” one that just doesn’t “add up.” Absent true clarity, our belief in the message will come from the words we hear about 10% of the time, the tone of voice about 30% of the time, and the nonverbal/physical gestures 60% of the time.
So while the words matter, they may not be the most important part if they don’t align with the tone of voice; in that case, we’ll believe the tone is sending the real message.
Saying “Sure, that will be fun” with a harsh voice likely won’t fill a listener with good feelings; they’ll probably believe just the opposite. Even a little kid might not believe we mean it if our voice doesn’t sound “right.”
Right?
I finally realized that for myself, the more I repeat the word(s), the more upset I get. And when I swear, my tone of voice reflects the anger/upset in whatever situation is driving the need to swear.
It’s even worse for my dogs -- especially my poor little rescue, Gibbs -- who clearly has PTSD from his early years before coming to live with me. Gibbs runs to his crate and shakes when he hears those tones, which stops me immediately. He so doesn’t deserve that!
And who’s getting me all upset?
I AM.
No one else.
It’s taken me a while to realize that although a situation may be difficult, ultimately swearing doesn’t help at all. It blinds me to seeing solutions, to seeing if the situation is even all that difficult, to seeing how to turn it around.
I don’t like getting/being out of control at all, so now when I’m tempted to use a swear word, I (mostly) take a deep breath and make a conscious effort to relax.
I swear I’m working on this, friends. 😁
All in all, I think Gibbs would agree that our household is a far happier place when I do that.
What has your experience been with swear words, friends? Do they help? Hurt?
#grammargoddess #language #swearing #communication
Keynote Speaker, Author, Neuroscience Geek
3ySusan Rooks, did you write this one just for me? :) I love the reminders you shared about the tone and the nonverbal expressions/gestures communicating more than the words. But, I'm going to be honest... Sometimes it feels good to just let it out. I have a few favorite swear words and my cats are pretty used to them by now. 😉
I help individuals (especially Veterans) develop the ability to make informed, self-directed career decisions, and to conduct effective employment searches ... chrishogg_linkedin(at)yahoo.com
3yThanks for putting this up Susan. A little context. In my teenage years, 20s and 30s, I swore as a matter of routine. But I didn't just use a foul word or two at "appropriate" times. I was so foul and filthy and even blasphemous that I actually won an informally-presented "award" in the Army (the Army no less) for having the foulest mouth in the entire camp, and in college other students actually avoided talking with me because of my language. It's been over 40 years since the Lord cleaned up my speech, but I am still embarrassed and ashamed of what came out of my mouth ... and even today I let out a curse word in a moment of Internet frustration and I hate it when that happens. So what do I think about "swear words"? That they diminish a person, and no matter how hip or cool or "authentic" using them may seem, there is nothing positive to be gained by using them. Oh, also, see Ephesians 4:29.
Using my proven knowledge/expertise in Administration to the advantage of a Great Employer. Unfluencerᵀᴹ
3yThe problem with swearing us when people use it all the time without effect. The point of swearing is effect whether it is in anger, emphasis or amusement. They have found that swearing after hitting your thumb with a hammer reduces the level and length of pain (I do implore the prime minister to investigate this himself). Then there is the "F" bomb, which legend states started as legal jargon in the thirteenth century meaning "For Unlawful Carnal Knowledge". Not even royals are immune. There was a tale about the Queen speaking with a lady who was rather upset when Prince Philip was discussing the merits of different manures - to which the Queen responded "I know what you mean - it took me 20 years to get him to say Manure "
Knowledge Navigator and Grammar Mechanic: If you want in-depth, well-researched blog posts or articles, contact me. I also provide editing and proofreading services.
3yI overheard two kids talking yesterday and one asked the other if "frigging" was a bad word. I've known 4th and 5th graders who say "What the" and stop before the f-bomb. Kind of funny, actually.
Speak Truth to Power
3yIf a canine frame of reference comes up? Feel free to mention it. No charge. Swearing depends on the person. Some guy made videos with a poster stating "Get (fecal matter) done." It was distracting because I don't like the S word and it negated the message. My parents swore a lot and it manifested a lack of creativity. A young girl makes videos and uses the F word. Evidently it makes her authentic. Hearing this word and seeing her pretty face and voluptuous body? I cannot watch her videos without thinking of something prurient.