Reckoning With Aging

I stare in the mirror at my aging body.

Lines.

Wrinkles.

Cellulite.

I touch my belly, that looks like I’m 5 months pregnant, and wonder what it would have felt like to have life grow inside of me.

I’m tired.

Tired of fighting gravity.

Tired of phantom aches that the doctors’ can’t explain.

Tired of seeing Momma in the mirror when I look at me.

I workout.

Eat clean.

Drink water.

It makes no difference.

I can see my once taunt thighs becoming Pillsbury soft.

I see tiny varicose veins creeping up behind my right knee.

I see the faint beginning of double chin and the “spread” of a wide ass.

My gray hair refuses to be hidden without permanent dye.

I’m reckoning with aging. 

I’m looking life unflinchingly in the eye and coming to terms with this truth: in a few weeks I will be more than a half century.

Which is a miracle.

When I look back on my life I marvel at the miracle it has been.

I wanted to make God proud with my life.

I wanted to reach the world.

My life is a miracle.

God has always been proud of me.

I reach millions of people monthly.

So in a very real way, I’ve made good with my life. And if I never exercised again, my body looks better then women in their 20s.

I pray I age gracefully with dignity and panache.

I no longer have ambition.

Now, I have purpose.

I want God to use me.

I have no idea what that looks like at all.

I don’t know what God wants of me for the rest of my life.

Whatever it is, I’m here for it.

My life is God’s life.

Lord, let your will be done.

Dr. Venus Opal Reese