Redefining Resilience

Have you ever had people tell you to toughen up, eat a cup of concrete, or to build a bridge and get over it? None of that’s helpful, is it? Far too many people, everywhere I go, are trying to be more resilient. It’s a buzzword that gets used a lot, and unfortunately, I believe the way it is perceived is a major part of the problem.

Hi, this is Grant Herbert, leadership and sustainable performance coach, and today I want to shift the focus to people leadership areas of the 9 crucial shifts we’ve been working on by helping you to redefine resilience.

One of the key challenges I work on with people all around the world is burnout—people who are unable to continue doing things the way they have been doing them. Unfortunately, during my travels, I see many things happening within organisations creating this problem. There's this hustle-and-grind mentality, where people work at high levels of performance for long periods of time, neglecting every other area of their life, particularly their health.

There are also unhelpful mindsets around self-care, preventing people from performing at their best while maintaining their health. So, as we step into this area of resilience this month, I want to give you some key understandings around how you can be more resilient, but in a different way—one that will allow you to navigate this fast-changing world without burning out.

I know a lot about this subject. I’ve had several physical and mental breakdowns in my 40-odd years in the workforce. Some of you might wonder, “Why should we listen to you? You clearly don’t get it.” But I think it’s just the opposite. From my own experience, as well as working with thousands of people all around the world, I see some key things that contribute to the problem.

I’ve also noticed that these factors have changed over the years. What we knew and taught years ago doesn’t fit the world we are working in today.

One of the key problems I see is toxic conditioning, where people are led to believe that they need to harden up, get over things and therefore operate out of a harmful psychology. These beliefs tap into the 3 universal fears: the fear of not being enough, the fear of not belonging, and the fear of not being loved. This pushes people to seek approval and do unhelpful things in the short term, let alone for their long-term health.

Another key issue is a lack of emotional intelligence. The way you navigate your emotions does not allow you to stay strong. This shift I want to talk about throughout the month is about moving from being stressed all the time—operating on the edge with unhealthy stress (known as distress)—to being strong, navigating what's going on in your world without it negatively impacting your health.

However, I want to redefine what being strong means. Otherwise, it becomes part of the problem, not the solution.

So, let's redefine what resilience is. It's not about toughening up, being superhuman, hardening up, being stoic, or showing no fear. It's about being the best version of yourself in your current circumstances. It's about embracing uncertainty rather than letting change and the unknown affect you negatively. It's about adapting to that change. Change is inevitable; it will continue to happen at an increasing pace. How you navigate change will significantly affect your ability to maintain a healthy level of resilience.

The key element of resilience that I want to stress today, and as we progress through the month, is asking for help. Asking for help is a strength, not a weakness. My new mantra is to ask for help early and often. From my experience, I know that I was hesitant to ask for help. I thought that if I asked for help, you would think I was weak or that I was not good enough. I worried I wouldn't belong and you might not like me.

Those 3 universal fears are always present when you’re trying to gain approval. So, instead, you pretend that everything is okay. That’s why I had my breakdowns.

Asking for help as a leader is paramount for navigating today's landscape. It's not about being weak; it's about being strong. It shows others around you that it's okay not to be okay all the time.

Learning to ask for help starts with understanding why you wouldn’t. What do you believe it means to ask for help? What do you think others will think of you? That’s where you need to start, and it’s why everything I do in leadership development is underpinned by the identity work we are doing.

So, what then is resilience?

Resilience is perseverance in the face of setbacks.

It's not about removing setbacks or getting to a place without challenges. That's unrealistic, and thinking that way creates a problem in building resilience. It's about avoiding catastrophising—where every time something happens, you imagine the worst-case scenario. It's about taking whatever is going on and looking at it in a way that helps you understand that you have everything within and around you to move through it. It's about getting others involved to help you navigate your journey.

There are 4 types of resilience that I want to cover with you this month.

The first one is physical resilience, which relates to how your body handles the journey you are on.

Then there’s emotional resilience. As we’ve talked about with emotional intelligence, you need to navigate your emotions in a healthy way. Doing so will help you build emotional resilience.

The third area is mental resilience, which is about protecting your mind and being mentally strong.

Lastly, there’s social resilience. This is about being able to interact with other imperfect humans in a way that energises rather than depletes you....

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Grant Herbert (aka The People Builder) describes himself as an ordinary guy, with an outstanding wife and 5 amazing kids, who has a passion to help people escape the performance trap and regain their authenticity in every area of life. He is a VUCA Leadership Mentor, Sustainable Performance Coach, Master Coach Trainer in Social and Emotional Intelligence, and the founder of People Builders.

Visit www.grantherbert.com to find out how you can connect.