Reflections on 2020

Happy New Year everyone!

I’ve taken time throughout this past year to reflect on my developing thought processes and relay my observations of a time away from work and ‘career’ per se. These articles have been well received and once again – I’d like to thank each and every person who has taken the time to read and respond in their own way.

As we leave 2020 behind us and look ironically yet eagerly towards the optimism of 2021, I thought I’d try and capture some of the key things that I have learned or things that I have come to realise are important. Again, these are drawn purely from my own experience and are meant as nothing else than interesting musings. This is neither advice nor suggestion. I’m not the first to realise these things nor will I be the last. It’s just me and my thoughts.

As always, in no particular order of importance although they have been written in the order they fell out of my head...read into that what you will.

1.     Fatherhood

I wanted to talk about fatherhood rather than parenthood, as whilst there are obvious overlaps and similarities, fatherhood itself has been brought into sharp focus for me recently. I’ve maintained that my kids have been a primary source of critical decision making for me over the years, and were the catalyst (or at least the first of the metaphorical dominoes to fall) for my decision to leave my job all those months ago. For that I thank them.

In this past year, my hope has been to become a more ‘present’ father, and by that I don’t simply just mean being ‘around’, as much of the misuse of the term ‘presence’ seems to justify. By present I mean being the person your child doesn’t mind being in the company of without saying anything, being the person they secretly want to emulate whilst never admitting as such, being the person who observes and listens more that they admonish, being the reliable shadow of strength and sensitivity that follows them throughout their troubles and being the person who knows when to ask and when to be quiet. That’s on top of being the disciplinarian, the doctor, the teacher, the clown, the policeman, the negotiator and the human ‘cuddle’ pillow.

It’s tricky stuff as children keep changing, their horizons widen, their likes and dislikes flicker like the weather, knowns become unknowns and it’s like trying to ice skate with one rusty boot and a flame thrower. You do your best to be their metaphorical (and physical) human shield, extending your batwings over as much of their lives as you can muster whilst allowing them the freedom to be themselves, safely and with encouragement. However, past months have exposed me to circumstances that have weakened my shield. In fact, it’s broken me a little bit and my kids have seen a side of me that is vulnerable and cracked, without any real sense of how to fix it. What has been astonishing to see is the way that they have seen this and have extended their own little batwings as far as they can over me to protect me from something they don’t understand and can’t fix but know is important. They have become mini-fathers to support their own Dad and it means the absolute world to me.

As 2021 emerges, I know I have challenges to face that I can’t predict or ‘fix’ – relating to my own father – and I am going to have to grow up a little more, but the knowledge that my own children are there to support me with their own teenage ‘daddy’ batwings gives me encouragement and power.

2.     Honesty

Not that it should, but I was surprised when I started writing these articles, by the overwhelming feedback that supported the ‘honesty’ in my writing. This wasn’t a deliberate tactic. I simply wrote what I felt. But it is interesting that lots of you picked up on the honesty aspect more than anything else. In truth (sorry), it has been easier to write honestly about circumstances that it would have been to contrive a story to make things sound more ‘successful’ or deliberate but I’ve become a little bored of the consistent pursuit of success exonerated in the variety of social platforms we all inhabit. The career persona that talks of awards, growth, influence, power and drive feels so shallow and tissue thin.

Don’t get me wrong though…I’m still hugely passionate about what I do but I am as happy discussing what is wrong as much as is what is right with the creative and consulting industries - our perceptions of success, the banality of awards, the introspection, mental vulnerability, bullying, expectations of ‘working hard’, perceived collaboration, balance and ‘value’. I am fully aware that this welcome epiphany (woo hoo – see earlier articles) is most likely a by-product of life stage, experience and age, and I’m not sure I would have been as receptive to this in my early 30’s. I was as guilty as anyone when working as a consultant, of my careful juggling of honesty and salesmanship. A desire to build trust but equally to secure work on the basis of perception and ‘smoke blowing’ rather than a clear understanding of the truth.

I still think there is a careful balance to be struck in the creative ‘engagement’ process. You can’t buy creativity purely on the basis of fact. You have to believe in a little sprinkling of magic dust and genuine empathy but there’s certainly a desire in me now to dress that salad with a more liberal topping of honesty. Having spent years worrying about being ‘too honest’, I’ve come to realise that honesty is probably the most endearing and enticing virtue of all. I will certainly be approaching any future endeavours with more of it, which I hope will naturally expose those that suggest honesty is something to park in the interests of growth and ‘success’.

3.     Health

A somewhat obvious one given the year we’ve just endured, but COVID aside, This past year – specifically the last few months – have brought health to the fore for me and my family. And by health I don’t just mean biological health and disease in the conventional sense – although there has been a sizeable dump of that on our plate recently. I’m also very aware of the fragile nature of our human state. Our assumption of abilities and the day to day nature of the way we live our lives. All stuff that can be taken away in a heartbeat.

We bumble forwards worrying about the next supermarket trip or the trivialities of mask wearing or the need to tidy the cupboard under the sink, but the truth is that tomorrow you could be trying to simply string a sentence together, or need someone to help you go to the toilet. I’m certainly not suggesting we go through life appreciating every single mundanity and it’s right that we should allow ourselves normality and ordinariness as this makes room for love and art and reflective contemplation, but a quiet respect for the things we take for granted and that can so quickly be taken away from us is something I will take into 2021. I’m not suddenly going to start running marathons and evangelising veganism (those that know me may chuckle at that!) but I will certainly think a little more about expected longevity, the liberties we take for granted and the preciousness of everyday life.

4.     Accepting the Now

I wrote a few versions of the title to this item, and am still not 100% convinced it’s correct but it’ll do for the purposes of this article. I mentioned a rather ‘head bending’ podcast by Damian Hughes and Jake Humphrey featuring Jonny Wilkinson in a previous article and I would recommend you listen to it and attempt to wrap your mind around what Jonny is attempting to explain.

Soon after I published that article, someone who has done something similar to me this past year wrote to me and – amongst other things – commented as follows…

“One thing that struck me when reading your articles - there comes a time when reflection and the recalibrating either stops, or what you’ve been doing in that time, is maybe the source of the new thing?”

I’m sure this wasn’t intended to be as profound as it was, but it struck me and has helped me start to figure out my short term future a little more. That, plus a great conversation I had recently with a creative leader I have a huge amount of respect for and whose experience I value. The idea that you should stop looking or planning for something impactful – be it a new business, a bold statement, a grand gesture – in order to fulfil the careerist expectations weighing you down, but in fact simply enjoy what it is you are doing right now and look to find ways to allow yourself the luxury of continuing it.

I talk about the metaphorical meshing of the life and work gears, and how I am in a unique position to define those two gears to suit my own end. I’ve been looking for something that might come ‘next’ and have been somewhat frustrated (although not significantly so) by the lack of conclusion to that end, but these recent interventions (if you can call them that) have made me realise that what I can do from the confines of the ‘now’ is much more aligned with those ‘gear mesh’ ambitions than anything else that may seem to be more ‘ambitious’ or ‘successful’.

This may all sound like new-age hogwash, and I don’t blame you for thinking that, as I’m not doing a particularly good job of explaining what I mean, but the acceptance that a more relaxed balance of personal and professional plus a less overt ambition whilst still retaining passion for what I do and underpinning it all with honest overtones can give me what I think I need. More importantly, it can provide me with what I think my family needs right now, which is always the ultimate benchmark. I feel a little more like the calm and contented Obi-Wan than the petulant, eager Luke Skywalker – always trying to prove themselves. Sorry…Star Wars nerd alert.

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This certainly isn’t a conclusion. It’s simply an instantaneous barometer of my thoughts right now. I’d like to think – as I write these – that all 4 of the things I’ve described ring true for some time, but I’m also aware that the last year has taught us not to settle on anything and to expect all manner of strange events, decisions, political shenanigans and absurdities.

There are many other things that are important, but these are the things that predominantly occupy my thoughts and I keep coming back to. Please do let me know what yours are. I’ve had similar conversations with good friends over recent weeks and its interesting to hear how the past year has influenced or changed people for the better or worse. I simply hope that 2021 gives us a little more certainty, a little more predictability (where we need it) and dare I say it, a little more mundane normality!

Until next time.

Russell