Reflections on Change: The Unexpected Pillar of Support (V.2)

In the first part of this series, I shared how life led me to face an unexpected personal and professional change after the loss of my wife. Amid this process, there was a strength I hadn’t anticipated: my 10-year-old son, Tomás. What I initially thought would be my biggest challenge—supporting a child who had lost his mother—became one of my greatest sources of support.

In his innocence and wisdom, Tomás was, and continues to be, the pillar that has allowed me to understand that grief and the change it brings must be faced with courage, commitment, and resilience—but above all, with patience, prudence, and intelligence. While I lost my wife, he lost his mother. I could have thought that, as an only child with such a close relationship with his mom, Tomás might have fallen apart. But the opposite happened.

From the very beginning, Tomás understood his loss with a wisdom that surprised me. While I struggled with my pain and the idea of taking on the full responsibility of our small family, he accepted it with a calmness that was hard for me to comprehend. At just 10 years old, he made remarks that at first were hard for me to accept, but over time, I came to understand that behind his words was a deep maturity.

I remember one day, about four months after Paola’s passing when I asked Tomás how he felt. His response left me speechless. At first, it seemed like the most blunt answer I had ever heard. He said, “Dad, I’m okay. I miss Mom and remember her with happiness, but God gave me two parents. One left, and I still have the other.”

I confess that those words hurt me deeply. My immediate reaction was one of incomprehension. I asked him if he thought we were like toys that could be replaced. With his usual calmness, he looked at me and said, “Dad, it’s not like that. I just know that I have you, and Mom is no longer here. She left, but I have you, and with you, I have everything.”

It took me time to grasp his logic. What I initially interpreted as coldness was a display of his capacity for adaptation. Tomás understood that life had changed, but he didn’t focus on the loss—he focused on what remained. It wasn’t about replacing his mother; it was about recognizing that in me, he had support, a figure that would provide him with guidance and assistance. In his childlike wisdom, Tomás had grasped something that I was still processing: life doesn’t always let us choose the changes, but we can choose how to adapt to them.

This learning made me reflect on how, in many cases, those who best handle change are not necessarily the most prepared or experienced but rather those who can see beyond the loss and find opportunities within change. In organizations, something similar happens. Sometimes, we underestimate certain audiences' ability to adapt when, in reality, they may become the first promoters of change, those who help mobilize others.

Tomás taught me that although change brings painful losses or sacrifices, it is essential to focus on what is gained, on the good that change can bring. His rationality made me see that even in the most difficult moments, it is possible to embrace change with a positive outlook. As change managers, we must learn not to underestimate those around us, as they may be the first to demonstrate that, even in adversity, there is always a way to adapt and thrive.

In my case, my son was the unexpected guide who showed me that resilience is not always found in obvious places. Similarly, in the workplace, those who seem less prepared for change can become the leaders we need to navigate the most challenging transitions.

In the end, the key is to see the opportunities that each change brings and work in that direction. Just as Tomás found in me a pillar to lean on after his mother’s departure, in every change process, we must learn to identify those supports that, while they do not replace what we have lost or what we have given up, allow us to move forward and find stability in a new reality.

Let us allow ourselves to be surprised by those impacted by change who embrace the new, even the uncertainty, with positivity, commitment, and rationality. Let us use their insights to support those for whom the transition is more burdensome, guiding them toward understanding and adoption. Let us be patient and understand each person’s timing, but also seek to understand their logic to provide the support that helps them grasp the change, enabling them to move forward.