Reflections from 2023 - Ch1

Chapter 1

What a year it has been! Downtime towards the year end is the perfect time to muse on learnings and reflections and ensure we assimilate them in a way that it becomes second nature.

Today, I want to reflect on my learning on how to deal with people at work who seem to be constantly stressed out. While they talk a lot about themselves & their skills, their sense of panic at small problems and differences of opinion gives their mindset away. It also impacts how we make decisions as a team.

How do you deal with these coworkers? Should you address the issue directly? And how can you protect yourself from giving in to pressure and toxic emotions?

Reflection #1 It can happen to anyone

Stress is part of everyday life. I guess we all go through periods when we are dealing with a lot of stress. Those periods might last 5 minutes, 5 days, or 5 months. However, for some people, stress is a habit. When we work with personalities who feel overwhelmed, constantly stretched, and always out of their depth when working with differences of opinion and making decisions, my learning is that you mustn’t make them the villain. I have consciously moved away from thinking What can I do to change this person? I have learnt to think about how to neutralize the situation and what I can do.

Reflection #2 Don’t Judge

First things first: Check that you’re not being too judgmental. I am not a psychologist, so for me to judge someone’s way of handling stress is inappropriate. When they start talking about how hectic their travel to work is, or how they feel their team is not transparent with them, or how they have a problem with their boss - I try to nod empathetically and get them back to the work or decision at hand.

Reflection #3 Acknowledge the stress

I have learnt to say something like, ‘I noticed you were working late yesterday. How are things going?’ Then, after the person narrates the usual list of pressures, say, ‘That must be hard.’ It doesn’t matter if you believe it or not. That’s how this person is feeling. When I acknowledge it, it gives us both a chance to move beyond. At the same time, I don't agitate these same people by making comments like, “I don’t know how you can you stand it! etc” That’s superficial and it is definitely not helpful.

Reflection #4 Offer praise

A genuine compliment is an easy way to help everyone get back to their better self. Praising someone’s performance in the workplace gives the person an alternative 'self-image' of being a competent, positive professional. Appreciation can be a powerful intervention. When you tell people how you see them rather than leaving it to assumptions, they step into that role.

Reflection #5 Offer your Assistance

Another strategy is to offer your support. I have learnt to say, ‘Is there anything that I, or anyone on my team, can do to help to you?' I however keep in mind that I’m a limited resource, but I want to help if a team-member is in a situation that needs support.

Reflection #6 Break down requests

When dealing with a colleague always ready to press the panic button, I have started to think about ways to “reduce their cognitive load,” For instance, some of the ways I have explored this year are: shorten emails to the person, split larger requests into several smaller steps, or encourage the idea of dividing work into manageable chunks.

Reflection #7 Know when to step back

All the reflections (1-6 above) are with the intent to help and ensure effective solutions as a team. But another learning is, don’t go too far. I have learnt that it is important to reconcile our co-worker’s personalities with our own desire and need to complete tasks. After all, our job is to get done what you need to get done. Hence, from time to time - step back and don't try to be perfect at everything.

Focus on overall impact. That's what will matter in the end, and the impact & learnings will go with me as I march forward into the future, hopefully with some of the colleagues as well earned genuine friends :-)