"REGRETS"

The Cookson Hills Rural Electric Board Meeting had just adjourned its monthly meeting. Rich, a longtime member of the Board started to stand up and jostled the table, spilling his coffee over his notes, briefcase and pants, “How embarrassing. I am getting so clumsy in my old age.”

Everyone had a good laugh, and soon the other members of the Board were all telling stories of their most embarrassing moments. It came around to Jeff, who sat quietly listening to the others. Someone said, “Come on, Jeff. Tell us your most embarrassing moment.”

Jeff laughed and began to tell them of his childhood. “I grew up in Corpus Christi. My Dad was a fisherman, and he loved the sea. He had his own boat, but it was hard making a living on the sea. He worked hard and would stay out until he caught enough to feed the family. Not just enough for our family, but also for his Mom and Dad and the other kids that were still at home.”

Jeff looked at the group and said, “I wish you could have met my Dad. He was a big man, and he was strong from pulling the nets and fighting the seas for his catch. When you got close to him, he smelled like the ocean. He would wear his old canvas, foul-weather coat and his bib overalls. His rain hat would be pulled down over his brow. No matter how much my Mother washed them, they would still smell of the sea and of fish.”

Jeff’s voice dropped a bit. “When the weather was bad he would drive me to school. He had this old truck that he used in his fishing business. That truck was older than he was. It would sputter and rattle down the road. You could hear it coming for blocks. As he would drive toward the school, I would shrink down into the seat hoping to disappear. Half the time, he would slam to a stop and the old truck would belch a cloud of smoke. He would pull right up in front, and it seemed like everybody would be standing around and watching. Then he would lean over and give me a big kiss on the cheek and tell me to be a good boy. It was so embarrassing for me. Here, I was twelve years old, and my Dad would lean over and kiss me goodbye!”

Jeff paused and then went on, “I remember the day I decided I was too old for a goodbye kiss. When we got to the school and came to a stop, he had his usual big smile. He started to lean toward me, but I put my hand up and said, “No, Dad.”

It was the first time I had ever talked to him that way, and he had this surprised look on his face.

I said, “Dad, I’m too old for a goodbye kiss. I’m too old for any kind of kiss.”

My Dad looked at me for the longest time, and his eyes started to tear up. I had never seen him cry. He turned and looked out the windshield. “You’re right son,” he said. “You are a big boy….a man. I won’t kiss you anymore.”

Jeff got a funny look on his face, and the tears began to well up in his eyes, as he spoke. “The very next week my Dad went to sea and never came back. It was a day when most of the fleet stayed in, but not Dad. He had a big family to feed. They found his boat adrift with its nets half in and half out. He must have gotten into a gale and was trying to save the nets and the floats.”

Everyone was looking at Jeff and saw that tears were running down his cheeks. Jeff spoke again. “Guys, you don’t know what I would give to have my Dad give me just one more kiss on the cheek….to feel his rough old face….to smell the ocean on him….to feel his arm around my neck. I wish I had been a man then. If I had been a man, I would never have told my Dad I was too old for a goodbye kiss.”

Like Jeff, we all have been there and done that parental embarrassment dodge. Also like Jeff, we all would give our right arm to go back and cure a regret or two of our past actions or inaction.

There is an old saying in the Deep South, “you can’t get lard unless you boil the hog”. Translated it means you have to live life to experience all it has to offer. We all know first hand life has an immense amount of ambushes and land mines giving us a healthy dose of defeat, failure and missteps. None of us wanted to enroll in the school of hard knocks but it is a vital part of maturing and becoming savvy about the world. God teaches us all of those hard knocks and sufferings makes us stronger. (Romans 8:3)

When we graduate from the school of hard knocks, we show our scars and worry lines as our diploma. Many of us look and feel like chewed twine but we have learned, experienced and survived life’s ambushes and booby traps. 

Unfortunately, some of us forget what caused those scars and worry lines or have some proclivity for more pain and agony so they return to those same paths full of land mines. Or, many of us will avoid the actual return to the mine fields and instead beat ourselves over the head by focusing on the regrets of our bad decisions and missed opportunities. Simply stated, regrets fall into one of three simple categories; 1) Regrets for what we did, 2) Regrets for what we didn’t do and 3) Regrets for what we can never do.

Yes, the “shoulda, woulda, coulda blues” is in itself a land mine. Old el diablo can’t stop Jesus from saving us so he uses regrets to make us feel bad and doubt God has forgiven us. Think about it, we are eating sorrow by the spoonful about something we did or didn’t do twenty, thirty, forty years ago. Worse yet is some of us are wasting time living mired in regrets when God has already forgotten what we did or didn’t do. Because we are thick headed at times, God made it simple for us by telling us “I will remember your sins no more.” (Hebrews 8:12)

So if the Main Man upstairs has forgotten our past, why do we still do the regrets two step? Whether we feel like God hasn’t forgiven us (but he has) or the past sin or bad decision is too great for God to forgive us ( but there are no sins except unbelief which are not forgiven) or we feel like we must continue to punish ourselves so God will not take back His forgiveness (but He promises nothing can revoke His forgiveness) why can’t we cure the “shoulda, woulda, coulda blues” of regret?

The answer lies within ourselves. The original meaning of “cast no stone” was a forbidden act to attack a sinner if you yourself are a sinner. When we do the regret two step, we are attacking a sinner. It just so happens the sinner is ourselves. If you have owned your past sins, mistakes and errors followed by asking Jesus to forgive them, then God has forgiven you with a capital “F”. (Romans 8:1) Finally, always remember God wants you to be happy and prosper (Jeremiah 29:11) if you will trust him so let go of any regrets and let God make you happy!

Father God, thank You for remembering our sins no more. Remind us You have forgotten our past sins and mistakes so there is no reason for us to live in the past. Help us to put a tombstone on our past and keep our focus on You and looking forward to seek Your will. Keep us under conviction to “Cast No Stone” and refrain from punishing any sinners, including ourselves! Lord, give us the wisdom and discernment to understand we are exactly where we are in life right now because that is where You want us to be. That’s right, we are in the place we are today because that is where You wants us. (Ephesians 2:7-10 MSG) This includes Your forgiveness for all of our bad decisions, debaucheries, addictions, errors and omissions.