The Relationship Secret

[3 Minute Read]

The granddaughter sat at the foot of her bed, uncomfortable in the hard plastic chair with shiny metal legs. The kind of chair you’d expect in a nursery school, not in an assisted living facility, and certainly not in a hospice wing.

The sun happily shined through the open window, splashing on the floor. A gentle breeze played with the sheer curtain, nudging it gently into the room, and then drawing it back.

It reminded the young woman of the ocean waves, lapping in and out on the beach in her younger days she enjoyed with her grandmother. Her grandmother laid quietly, breathing gently in and out, enjoying a short nap.

The grandmother stirred, opening her eyes slowly to the breeze kissing her face. Sensing someone else in the room, she turned her head and smiled tenderly at her granddaughter.

“Hi Grandma,” the granddaughter sang gently.

She nodded - instinct told her she was about to have an important conversation - and muscled her way to sitting up in bed. The grandmother breathed in deeply and exhaled.

“What’s wrong sweetheart?” The grandmother asked, her moist blue eyes peering at her granddaughter.

“Nothing grandma, I’m just here to say hello…”

The grandmother smiled and looked down, then slowly turned to her head to look out the window. “If that was true sweetheart, I wouldn’t have asked you what was wrong.”

The grandmother continued, “You know, back when I was a young woman, and my grandmother laid in a bed much like this one, I sat in a seat much like the one you’re sitting in right now.”

Uneasy, the young woman simply nodded.

“Of course, as she laid there on her death bed, we were told not to tell anything to her that might upset her, with her being in such a dire state and all,” pursing her lips and nodding to herself for effect as she stared out the window. The grandmother’s sarcasm was evident in her gestures.

“That woman lived through 5 natural childbirths, the death of one of her children during a flu pandemic, losing several more to war, she went through rationing, and two cholera outbreaks in her town where she lost most of her husband’s side of the family.”

She turned to look back at her granddaughter.

“Do you know how ridiculous that sounds, to look at a woman who had lived through all that, and think she can’t handle some bad news that might ‘upset’ her?” Her head tilted slightly as she asked the question.

“So, sweetheart, I’m obviously living with one foot in the grave and the other on a banana peel, so why don’t we skip ahead to what you came here to ask me about?” The grandmother smiled to soften her words, a subtle attempt to blunt the truth of the situation.

The young woman knew she was revealed. “How did you and grandpa make it work for so many years?”

The grandmother took a moment, studying the face of her granddaughter. She wanted to make sure the young woman was vested in what she was about to say.

“We did what was what was unexpected.”

“What do you mean, grandma, do you mean you did what was expected?”

“No sweetheart,” The Grandmother gently explained.

“To do what is unexpected is to be kind when we had every right to be mean. To show grace when it wasn’t deserved. To forgive quickly when we really just wanted to be mad. To spend time without having plans. To bring a gift for no reason at all. To give a hug without prompting. To leave a simple note on the back of an envelope.”

The grandmother looked down, smoothing out the sheets with her hands, "Look at your relationship and tell me how much of any of that is expected."

“Our secret?” The grandmother smiled, warmed by the thoughts of her guy as she looked out at the beautiful sky,

“We never stopped trying.”

She turned her head back, her blue eyes locked with her granddaughter for a long moment.

“Do you know how incredibly powerful that is, to know you have a partner who will NEVER stop trying to do what's unexpected?”