Reopening Schools During Covid 19 — Is it Possible Without Trauma?
Carol Sankar
RE investor/developer, Founder, NYT bestseller & more! Grab my book, "No Explanation Required! A Woman's Guide to Assert ... Confidence"
A mental health perspective from a mother
I am the proud parent of an awesome 15 year old son named Ryan. Honestly, just saying his name makes me blush. He is tall, inquisitive and quite opinionated — just like his mother, and I love every bit of his ability to form his own opinions about today's global issues.
As a parent, the worry never truly goes away as your children age. In fact, it exacerbates — especially when you are the parent of a brown child. There are conversations that happen in our home that many families who do not share in our reality would never understand, and it goes far beyond being pulled over by an officer. I am talking about the talk that we have with our sons about the reality of bias in schools with teachers, who simply are looking for ways to deem your child as a “problem,” or the call I received from my sons’ 8th grade Social Studies teacher, who said that my son’s hair was “getting in the way to the progress of others” because his hair is curly and long. He even suggested a few “ethnic barbers” who could work “for underprivileged kids,” to imply that we were probably too poor to afford a haircut for our son. My son attends a very affluent college prep school with few “brown kids.”
Then, there were the years of countless school shootings that were raising my level of anxiety each day. As I prayed with my son in the morning before school, the thoughts of Parkland, Sandy Hook, Columbine, Virginia Tech and others, crossed my mind each morning as I stand in the carpool line. My prayer is that my morning kiss to his forehead would not be my last. As he went further into his teenage years, it wasn't considered “cool” to be kissed by mom in the parking lot, but honestly, I needed it. It gave me something to hold on to each day as I watched him connect with his friends and walk through the door.
As I drove off, my phone remaining in my hand each day, I would continue to pray for his safe dismissal and my joy would immediately return the moment I knew he was safe. Nothing replaces that level of joy as a parent — the protection of our children from all harm at all costs.
In March 2020, when it was announced that schools would close due to the pandemic, there was so much uncertainty about the virus. I was called on March 13th and was advised that the lockdown would only last two to three weeks. Well, eight months later, lots of time spent at home and only Facetiming with friends on weekends, Zoom has become his classroom and although I feel comforted that my only child is safe, my comfort is now in question.
My son’s school is due to return to in-person on campus learning in January and my anxiety is through the roof. A few days ago, I received a notice that there have been 4 confirmed cases of Covid 19 in the school for the parents who have opted to return to campus due to professional obligations. The email was so vague and stated “we assure you that the infected persons have not been in direct contact with any students that we know of.” I scratched my head and used more expletives than I care to repeat. I was not aware that my son received the same email.
In a conversation with Ryan, he just uttered out “Mom, I don’t want to catch Covid and die. Please don’t send me back in January!!” My heart sank … I realized he is experiencing trauma as time is near to the Christmas break. To make is worse, my half-sister recently passed away due to Covid 19, and he noticed the deep emotional toll it took on me as I was not allowed to see her before her death. The school is not giving any further guidance, the nation is divided and I am concerned that our kids have become political pawns to boost the economy.
Now comes the real test — what is my next move?
I have a busy career and a growing company, which significantly requires my time — but I learned how to play Chess at an early age with my Dad and Uncles. My husband and I are trying to wear a happy face, although we have not seen our parents all year, missed the birth of my first nephew, unable to attend my sisters funeral, and now trying to find an alternative to keep our child safe. More importantly, we are aware that our son has a healthy immune system, but if he is asymptomatic, and spreads it to us, even with no underlying health conditions — what could that mean for our child’s level of trauma? I don’t even want to think about mortality, but my sister thought she would walk out of the hospital too.
What are we willing to risk?
I don’t want to get into “Red” or “Blue,” but this is about common sense. We are traumatizing our children, so we can get “back to normal.” In the end, we may be leaving these children without parents too. Schools are under-reporting the confirmed positive caseloads to parents. The only notice I have received from the state was when one teacher died at the school. Otherwise, they send parents rose-colored emails that ensure us that everything is fine — yeah right!
As I am exploring the idea of education without boarders and other online options, let’s not forget the importance of protecting our children from harm and trauma. Are we sending our children back to school for a “grade” or to contract a virus that, as of today, doesn't have a cure?
Our kids have trauma too, and they are just as scared as we are! Don’t put economics ahead of their well-being.
Carol Sankar is a high level consultant and the founder of The Confidence Factor for Women in Leadership. She has been featured at TEDx, The Steve Harvey Show, Harvard Business School, The United Way and more. In addition, her work has been covered by Inc. Magazine, Glamour, O Magazine, Forbes, Harvard, Entrepreneur Magazine — to name a few. Carol is also a contributor for Inc., & Entrepreneur Magazine. For more details, visit www.carolsankar.com
WRITTEN BY