Rethinking resilience: attachment, relationships, and burnout in law

In this edition, Matt Aleksic rethinks resilience by focusing on workplace relationships and attachment theory. The article explores how our early experiences shape how we interact with colleagues and handle stress, highlighting the hidden role these connections play in tackling burnout. By shifting the focus from individual strategies to fostering trust and support at work, Matt offers practical insights into creating healthier, more sustainable environments in the legal profession.

During WWII, the US military studied returning bombers to map where they were hit, planning to reinforce those areas to improve survivability. But statistician Abraham Wald noticed a flaw: the real danger was in the planes that didn’t return. He realised that the bullet-free spots on surviving planes revealed where fatal hits occurred. By focusing on these unseen gaps, he helped save lives. Similarly, in the legal profession, we must look beyond the surface and address hidden vulnerabilities to truly improve wellness.

This isn’t just another article about burnout. We’re all familiar with the advice: take breaks, exercise, download a mindfulness app, or try Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT). While helpful, these approaches often perpetuate survivorship bias by overlooking unseen factors driving burnout and attrition. The usual focus on individual resilience helps some, but what about the planes that don’t return?

A recent LawCare webinar (and article) highlighted a key, often-overlooked element: workplace relationships. Our ability to connect with colleagues, like any other relationship, is rooted in our unique attachment styles. Attachment theory offers deeper insight into regulating emotions, combating burnout, and fostering smarter, more connected teams.

How we “attach” matters

Attachment theory explains how our early relationships shape the way we connect with others throughout life. While usually discussed in the context of romantic relationships, its impact is more far-reaching, including how we navigate workplace interactions.

People with a “secure” attachment style are comfortable forming bonds, trust others, and are less likely to fear rejection. Those with “insecure” attachment styles—through no fault of their own—mainly fall into three categories: anxious (or preoccupied), avoidant (or dismissive), and disorganised. Insecure attachment styles increased from 51% to 58% of young adults between 1988 and 2011, reflecting a significant shift in how people relate to others (See Changes in adult attachment styles in American college students over time: a meta-analysis).

As one study illustrates, “an anxiously attached employee, driven by a need for social acceptance, may lean toward the majority’s preference to avoid conflict, potentially overlooking valuable insights" while “an avoidantly attached employee, valuing independence, may prefer a solution that minimizes reliance on the team, disregarding collaborative benefits” (See Attachment and self-regulation in the workplace - a theoretical integration). Those with a disorganised attachment style are more unpredictable and often display conflicting behaviours by seeking connection while also fearing it.

These contrasting approaches often lead to workplace tension, highlighting how our attachment styles can subtly influence everything from team dynamics to decision-making.

The link between attachment styles and burnout

Workplace attachment plays a significant role in shaping how we cope with the pressures of professional life. Workplace attachment styles are closely associated with exhaustion, described as “the key dimension of burnout” (See The relation between workplace attachment style, design satisfaction, privacy and exhaustion in office employees: A moderated mediation model). People with insecure attachment styles are particularly vulnerable. Anxiously attached individuals, driven by a need for validation and acceptance, often overextend themselves emotionally, leading to depletion. Avoidantly attached individuals, valuing independence and avoiding reliance on others, may disengage, compounding feelings of isolation and stress. Both paths pave the way for burnout.

But in the legal profession, these qualities can be hard to recognise as negatives. After all, lawyers are often paid to worry - anticipating risks, overthinking details, and preparing for worst-case scenarios are seen as strengths, not vulnerabilities. Similarly, the avoidant traits of independence and self-reliance are highly valued in a field where long hours of solitary, meticulous work are the norm. These behaviours can mask deeper struggles, cultivating a culture where burnout thrives under the guise of productivity and competence.

From resilience to relational accountability

Our ability to connect with colleagues directly impacts how we handle stress and avoid burnout. Despite the significant role workplace relationships play, they are often overlooked in favour of solutions emphasising individual resilience. But if this ability to connect is the product of deep-rooted patterns formed early in life, what can be done?

As one paper argues, effective workplace relationships require leaders to act as “secure bases” by creating an environment where individuals feel confident to contribute, seek help, and express vulnerability without fear of judgement, regardless of their attachments (See Attachment and the leader--follower relationship). Creating a secure base in law doesn’t require delving into personal feelings but can instead focus on fostering a culture of trust, respect, and support.

Leaders can focus on approachable communication, regular discussions about workloads, and acknowledging achievements. Prioritising team goals over competition and ensuring feedback is constructive and helps build psychological safety.

Building true individual resilience requires tackling insecurities and doing the inner work, usually with the help of a psychotherapist. Although CBT is becoming more accessible and carrying less stigma, its focus is on altering present-day thought patterns and behaviours rather than addressing the deep-rooted, relational experiences that shape attachment. Changing these patterns typically requires approaches that delve into relational dynamics and unconscious processes, such as psychodynamic-based therapies, which can help individuals understand and rework their ingrained ways of relating to others.

The bottom line

If nothing else resonates, consider this: strong workplace relationships, grounded in the principles of attachment theory, enable lawyers to attune more effectively to their clients’ needs. Lawyers who act as secure bases foster environments where collaboration, innovation, and growth thrive, ultimately enhancing advocacy and deepening client trust. By addressing these unseen gaps in workplace dynamics, we can build a profession that supports its people as effectively as it serves its clients.

Matt Aleksic is an Associate at Hogan Lovells in London and a Law Society Council member representing Central London. Outside of work, he is studying for an MSc in Theoretical Psychoanalytic Studies at University College London.