Can we control our internal critic?

If I had to describe the voice in my head, the one that wrestles with my innermost thoughts, it would be a  cross between a high-energy football coach and an actor reciting a rambling soliloquy. What does yours sound like?

My internal voices are just a little too loud. Most of the time, I wish I could turn them off — or at least down. This is something I’ve been reading more about in a new book called Chatter: The Voice in Our Head, Why it Matters, and How to Harness It, by the experimental psychologist Ethan Kross It really made me start to question the perceived role of our internal monologues.

Here’s why I’ve decided to rethink my relationship with my inner critic:

What is our inner voice?

According to one study, we talk to ourselves at a rate equivalent to speaking 4,000 words per minute. To put that in perspective, an average speech that lasts 30 minutes is 3,900 words. Our inner voice clearly has a lot to say!

It’s faster than verbal speech because we don’t have to use full sentences to talk to ourselves; we know what we mean.

The mantra of our times is to “live in the present.” The message, however, runs counter to what our minds evolved to do. “We spend one-third to one-half of our waking life, not in the present,” writes Kross. “The ability to engage in mental time travel is an exceedingly valuable feature of the human mind.”

 Our brains are constantly ruminating about past events or rehearsing future scenarios. When we slip away from the present, our mind enters streams of verbal thoughts. That’s the running conversation in our head.

Inner voices don’t have to be harsh critics

The idea of hearing inner voices is often associated with traumatic events. It can be very distressing, and often negative. Internal chatter gets louder and faster during moments of stress. An inner voice, however, can be neutral, and even helpful in certain cases. 

Playing different roles

Charles Fernyhough’s  book The Voices Within helped me understand the different functions of the inner voice:   

●      Motivation: to psych yourself up to improve performance (as you see in sports)

●      Humility: to tell you when you don’t know something    

●      Imagination: to create and enter alternative realities or possibilities

●      Interrogation: to examine our own beliefs and moral judgments

●      Expression: to understand ourselves better

Can we gain more control over the chatter?

One of the most straightforward tips Kross gives is what he calls “distanced self-talk.”   It means zooming out and talking to yourself in the third person.

Here’s how to put it into practice:

• When you feel frustrated, frazzled, or worried, try talking to yourself in the third person.
• Imagine you’re speaking to a friend who needs your advice. For example, I could tell myself, “Rachel, you’re super prepared to teach this class. You’ve got this.”
• Say it out loud several times,  not just in your head.   

It’s not possible to silence our monkey minds, but we can rethink the role of our internal monologue. The voices in our heads can have valuable things to say.

I now think of mine as a supportive coach, not a constant critic.

Warmly,

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