Returning After a Loss

My first day back from a holiday filled with joyful memories, deep connections, and a profound loss.

I spent 1.5 months in Turkey, reconnecting with my roots, inhaling the familiar scents of the earth and air from my childhood, and immersing myself in the warm, healing embrace of the Aegean Sea. I wandered among olive trees and grapevines, and cherished time with old friends who feel like home. When we look at each other, we still see our 15-year-old selves, and through years of maturing, I am so grateful that we’ve reached a point where we can express our love and care for one another with wholehearted honesty and generosity.

In the final days of my holiday, my father passed away. Even after two weeks, writing these words still surprises me. My father, Faik Falay, one of the most brilliant minds I’ve known and a former European bridge champion, had been battling dementia for years and hadn’t recognized me for some time. His passing is a liberation and relief. Yet, despite anticipating this news, it struck me in an unexpected way. Even though the loss of my father was present in me and my family for so many years already, the end felt nothing like I was able to imagine. 2024 has offered me many losses in different shapes and kinds, the latest being my father's. Loss makes you feel small, helpless, confused, and lonely. It shakes you like an earthquake.

Yet, it also deepens care and gratitude in unexpected ways. The support of my friends and family has been invaluable. I believe that community is essential for connecting with a greater sense of being and processing our collective emotions. Thich Nhat Hanh says, “The more we embrace the community and each other, the more we can let go of the feeling of a separate self.”

I have to admit, that I’ve always struggled with the individualistic culture of Finland. People here are inherently kind but tend to face difficult times in solitude by nature, offering space as the best gift to one another. While solitude in lush Finnish nature is healing, it can still feel lonely for those of us from communal cultures.

So I’m back to work, wondering even deeper what we should do with this short time called life. For me, it’s about nurturing communities that are healing our planet together, and striving for a better collective future. I can’t wait to reconnect with our Falay Transition Design Collective and get back to work. Keep following us and reach out for projects and collaborations.