Provocative advice to the spouses & partners of entrepreneurs (aka the unsung heroes of the startup world)

Entrepreneurship isn't just a career choice; it's a relentless pursuit that consumes everything in its path, including personal relationships. As the spouse of an entrepreneur, you're not just married to your partner; you're in a ménage à trois with their startup. 

Over the years, I’ve talked to many partners of entrepreneurs and heard about their experiences - the good, the bad and the decidedly ugly. Here's some of the best advice I've heard about how to not just survive, but thrive in this unconventional setup:

1. Become Fluent in BS: Entrepreneurship is often about selling visions before they materialize. Sometimes, this means your partner might sell you on a future that's perpetually "just around the corner." Learn to differentiate between optimistic forecasts and reality.
2. Demand Your Due: Your partner's startup might be their baby, but remember, you're not a babysitter. Demand the attention and respect you deserve. Relationships are a two-way street, even when one lane seems perpetually under construction.
3. Master the Art of 'Strategic Neglect': Not every entrepreneurial crisis needs to become a household crisis. Learn to discern when to engage and when to strategically neglect the startup drama.
4. Embrace the Rollercoaster, but Build Your Own Safety Nets: Financial instability comes with the entrepreneurial territory. Be proactive. Build your own financial safety nets so that you never find yourself in free fall.
5. Implement 'Take Your Child to Work Day': Insist that your partner takes the kids to their startup or office regularly. Not only does this give them a glimpse into their parent's world, but it also teaches kids about hard work and entrepreneurship, while reminding your partner of their dual roles in life.
6. Declare 'No Entrepreneurship' Zones: Establish areas or times where entrepreneurship talk is off-limits. Whether it's the dinner table, your weekend getaways, or family traditions such as games or movie nights if you have kids, protect these sanctuaries vigorously.
7. Cultivate an Identity Beyond 'The Spouse': You're not just an accessory to your partner's success story. Cultivate your own identity, career, and social circles. Your independence is both empowering and attractive.
8. Risk Tolerance Isn't Just Financial: Emotional resilience is your currency. The entrepreneurial journey is fraught with highs and lows. Develop a high tolerance for emotional risk—it's your armor.
9. Love the Person, Not the Entrepreneur: Remember the person you fell in love with. They are not just their successes or failures. Love the person, not the entrepreneur, and remind them to do the same.
10. Employ 'Strategic Absence': Occasionally make yourself scarce, creating opportunities for your partner to step back into household or family roles, reminding them of the world beyond their startup.
11. Implement Key Parental Indicators: Define clear parenting goals and metrics for the entrepreneur, similar to business KPIs. This could include measures like attending a certain number of school events, family meals per week, or hours spent on one-on-one time with each child.
12. Negotiate Your Equity: If you're contributing significantly to the household or even the startup in indirect ways, discuss actual equity in the business. This acknowledges your contributions and secures a tangible stake in the venture's success.
13. Initiate 'Reverse Pitch' Sessions: Turn the tables and have your entrepreneur spouse pitch to you why you should continue to support their startup journey. Their entrepreneurial pursuit is a joint venture that requires your buy-in.

In a world that romanticizes entrepreneurship, it's easy to feel sidelined as a spouse. But your role is as critical as it is challenging. So, stand your ground, demand your worth, and carve your own path alongside your partner's entrepreneurial journey. After all, in the end, it's not just their legacy—it's yours too.