S.3303 / H.R.6405 - "The Survivor Protection Act" Hits Close to Home on 10 Year Anniversary of Nikki Elias' Murder

By Claire Grusin Kaufmann, November 13, 2024

Trigger Warning: DV issues and gun violence are discussed.

It is not every day you have to explain to your nine-year-old that their sleepover is canceled because of a murder suicide. For me, that tragic day was ten years ago, this past weekend.

Veteran's Day weekend 2014, my daughter was supposed to stay over at Nikki Elias’ house. Our daughters were friends and both went to Portland Jewish Academy.

I texted with Nikki about my daughter’s shocking lack of food restrictions (remember this is Portland,) and she told me the girls were excited to watch “Cupcake Wars.” We texted back and forth about the date mix up, but we agreed since it was a holiday weekend that later in the weekend was still fine.

The following afternoon I received a call from another PJA parent who asked me if I knew, “what happened.” I hadn't heard. "Nikki Elias was murdered," they said. I remember looking at my daughter's backpack, ready to go by the door. "And then, the girls were abducted by their mentally ill father who later killed himself across town as negotitors approached."

Wait, what? How? WTAF? Somewhere between our texts about mac and cheese and the following day, Nikki was murdered?!. It has obviously taken me years to begin to unpack the many layers of this horrible tragedy.

In truth, my first feelings were selfish. I was angry Nikki didn't tell me about this. (Despite that she had restraining orders and court orders and the police on speed dial, and all the legal protections required.) I resented having to explain the concept of "murder" and "suicide" to my daughter, who's friend tragically lost both her parents in one day.

I experienced the quiet discomfort of noticing, "no murdering," had been added to our list of "Basic House Rules:".

If you haven't personally been affected by gun violence in America today, you are so very, very lucky. The rest of us are grappling with how to turn tragedy into action. Nicolette's family has catalyzed momentus change, now manifesting in new dv gun safety legislation in nearly a dozen different states.

After working to pass Oregon "House Bill 4145," banning known domestic abusers from owning a firearm, their framework was adopted on a national level as Senate Bill 3303 and House Bill 6405.

Personally, my successes are far less impressive. I've worked to turn tragedy into giving back to my community and caring for those I love most.

On this tenth anniversary I honor Nikki, remembering this terrible tragedy, and the moment gun violence crept into my perfectly arranged, suburban living room. HB6405/S3303 should absolutely be adopted, nationally, and thank you to everyone for their efforts to date.

#gunsafetyadvocacy #gunviolenceprevention #gunsafetypolicy #SASPA #DVSPA #S.3303

Thank you for your support Senator Ron Wyden , Senator Richard J Durbin , Rep. Jamie Raskin ...