Same As It Ever Was — Imposter Syndrome in Upper Retjenu

The following is a response paper I wrote for the third session of a Catherine Project reading group I am leading on the Egyptian literary text 'The Tale of Sinuhe' written in 1940 BCE.

The many years the Egyptian Sinuhe spends in his adoptive home of Retjenu paint a portrait of staggering ambivalence.

Sinuhe is powerful. “The messenger who went north and south to the Residence would tarry for me. I would make all men tarry” [B94-95].

Sinuhe’s power extends to the next generation of his family: “my children became heroes, each man subjugating his tribe” [B93].

The strength and ability to plan that make up Sinuhe’s power are qualities he employs not for himself but in the service of upper Retjenu’s ruler Amunenshi. Amunenshi “would have me to do many missions as the commander of his army” [B101], conquering neighboring lands and suppressing insurgencies.

Sinuhe’s reward for rendering this service? The love of Amunenshi. “In his heart I attained high regard; he loved me, knowing my valour. He placed me at the head of his children, having seen the strength of my arms” [B106-108].

Sinuhe uses his power to be benevolent: “I would give water to the thirsty, and I returned the wanderer to his path and rescued the robbed” [B96-97].

Perhaps most importantly, his use of power is entirely deliberate. Faced with a challenge from a hero of Retjenu who sees Sinuhe as a rival, Sinuhe consults with Amunenshi and receives his blessing before agreeing to engage the homegrown Retjenu hero in battle.

The portrait that emerges over decades with each of Sinuhe’s deeds is heroic. Sinuhe appears to everyone in his surroundings to be an eminently capable leader, loyal to his ruler, a boon to his community. The Egyptian papyrus is the unexpected flower of Retjenu’s mountain. 

This contrasts violently with the portrait Sinuhe painted of himself in the first section of the story. In a quailing panic, Sinuhe deserts Egyptian prince Senwosret’s Libyan campaign and flees Egypt for Qedem upon hearing of Dual King Sehoptibre’s death. Sinuhe claims no forethought to his flight. Sinuhe can’t explain his escape even to himself. Sinuhe speaks in half-truths as he enters Amunenshi’s service. From Day 1, Sinuhe’s experience of his illustrious career in Retjenu is undermined by his secret knowledge of himself as utterly powerless.

Sinuhe’s ambivalence comes to a head as he entreats the Gods for grace, attempting to reconcile his impeccable reputation with his desertion:

A fugitive takes flight because of his surroundings;

but my reputation is in the Residence.

A creeping man creeps off because of hunger;

but I give bread to my neighbour.

A man leaves his land because of nakedness;

but I have bright linen, white linen.

A man runs off because the lack of someone to send;

but I am plentiful in serfs.

Good is my house, spacious my dwelling place,

and memory of me is in the palace.

Whatever God fated this flight

— be gracious, and bring me home! [B150-157]

Sinuhe’s ability to navigate Retjenu society seems peerless. Yet Sinuhe’s experience of himself and his own value system essentially leave him asking, “So what?”

Sinuhe recognizes he’s ‘supposed’ to take pride in his life’s work. But it all rings hollow. To use Sinuhe’s exceptional qualities in the service of any ruler other than the Egyptian king is to waste his own life. The speed and clarity with which Sinuhe turns his back on Retjenu, abandoning his own children and the ruler Amunenshi who loves him, as soon as he receives an invitation to return to the Egyptian court and receive a dignified Egyptian burial underscore this.