Say "No" and win your life back!

Ask a child if she will not write on the walls and see her response. She will not bend down to yield to our demands let alone requests. Children are the most innocent, most natural human selves until they are corrupted by the dos and don'ts that we dump upon them and by the whole business of propriety that we so fixatedly teach them. They will say yes only if they are actually in with the idea of saying "yes" not otherwise.

At one time, I wished I could stay a child forever and say Nos all the time I wanted but I often found myself in situations where I ended up giving long justifications for my Nos. These justifications ran me the risk of being talked out of my “Nos” and into insincere “yeses”. Can't even start with how many times this actually happened.

A "No" uttered from the deepest conviction is better and greater than a "yes"merely uttered to please, or worse 'to avoid trouble'.

-Ghandi

The journey from childhood to adulthood is perilously ridden with corrupting experiences as far as shaping of our characters is concerned - As we grow up and become aware, aware of the consequences of uttering the innocent yeses and nos alongside many other lessons of life. Our brains are slowly conditioned, mostly washed into believing that yeses are pleasantly delightful and nos are audaciously impolite and so commences our journey of planting ourselves firmly in the pleaser quadrant even though it comes at the cost of our own welfare.

So, we need to hop out! We need to hop out from this mould (the pleaser mould) for our own dear sakes! We need to traverse the path from being a pleaser to redeeming ourselves from the burden of carrying these harrowing yeses on our backs and to arriving at a more sunny spot and liberating ourselves from the afflictions of trying to please the entire realm.

A few years back, I used to say yes to every darned thing in this world, like literally everything!

Somebody would ask for my number – I’d give and regret!

Someone would come home asking for funds for their charities – I’d donate from my credit card because I had no cash in bank.

My help at home would ask me for an off (she used to be off 15 days a month – seriously, it was a lot!) – I’d say yes, only to do the chores myself!

My boss would keep burdening me with everybody else’s assignments (coz I was apparently too good – just imagine!) – I’d keep taking, going home late, cursing him under my tongue but doing the work nonetheless!

My friends would ask me to hang out with them mid-week – I’d say yes even if that meant getting a bashing from boss!

I freakishly said “yes” to every damned thing.

All the assertive communication trainings I attended – my only question used to be – how to say “NO”. I learnt the art and unhappily (and to my utter dismay!) unlearnt it when I returned to workplace and life in general.

It came to a point where I had to consciously decide that I had to start saying “No”. And when it happened the first time it extricated me, it freed me from my usual indisposition to saying nos. I felt as if I got wings, as if I was flying. It was a feeling (and continues to be) that I seriously believe everybody should get to experience and relish the happiness it brings along.

So it brings me to this point where I share the how-to of developing one’s ability at saying “No” - 

1.     Say No but don’t repent – don’t look weak, be firm and look sure!

2.     Don’t offer excuses – Save yourself from offering long justifications for why you’re saying ‘no’. Stick to your stance with a crisp reason.

3.     Don’t be swayed – people who are used to hearing yeses will not give in easily, they will come after you to drive you to say yes and retract your no. Don’t let them!

4.     Offer alternatives – Offer a plausible replacement for who can perform the job better or how it can be done without the effort otherwise envisaged.

5.     Ask them to prioritize – Usually at workplace when you are required to multitask, offer the activities to your supervisor and ask him/ her to prioritize them for you. Try this, its mighty effective!

6.     Be watchful of your personal needs – Literally, be selfish! Never prioritize the needs of others over your own, they will suck out everything you have for their sake and not look back for a moment in your moment of suffering.

 Warren Buffett said,

 "The difference between successful people and very successful people is that very successful people say no to almost everything."

The sunny side of saying no, my friends, as many. So soak yourself in them and enjoy it for we all deserve a happy life.

1.     Happier life – When you say No – you actually say yes to something better, something that grows you as a person and as an employee. When you grow, you learn! When you learn, you become wiser! When you become wiser, you become happier!

2.     It makes you brave – It makes you more confident, what saying No can do for you, saying yes seldom can. It allows you to appreciate and value your personal strengths and the strengths held in your character.

3.     It matures you – It helps you to evolve into a maturer version of yourself.

4.     Teaches time management – Saying No to less significant things in life will help save time and manage it more productively leading to overall improvements in effectiveness.

I’d be happy to hear what you all might want to share ..any personal stories or incidents that might have prompted you to jump boundaries..go on people , share your bit..