Seeing Our Conflict and Disagreement in a Different Way
Conflict is unavoidable at times, yet these "unavoidable" times should not happen as often as they do. Many times, if we can become aware of the "story" we are telling ourselves, we can avoid conflict. There are a few things we have to understand about how conflict works.
First of all, others do not make us mad, unless we allow them to do so. We really make ourselves mad by listening to the emotional story in our head about a situation. Often this story is much more negative and sinister than reality, and somehow, we are almost always the hero, while our nemesis counterpart is almost always way out of line of any reasonable thought. Funny how that works. If we become our own positive storyteller, we can cut through the emotional reactions and come up with a more relational response instead. Save the fight for the rare times when it is actually called for (usually for the sake of others instead of ourselves). Remember, Jesus turned over tables but not all the time. In fact, not most of the time.
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Disagreement does NOT equal Conflict. They are two very different things. I can disagree with you without fighting, but I can't allow my lying emotions of anger and fear and insecurity lead my actions. I must become more intentional in leading those lying emotions to the facts and being diligent in focusing on identifying what I really want in this situation. Many times, it is better to be happy than to simply be right or win the argument. Look at your situation in a different way and determine if it is truly a conflict that you need to fight (and occasionally it really is) or simply a disagreement that just needs some clarity and understanding. Possibly in both of these situations, a bit of Grace would go a long way toward relationship peace.
Engagement Center Associate
11moGreat viewpoint. I tend to see conflict linked to offense (not always but many times). I've always said that when offensiveness starts, the listening stops. Fits with your perspective of this negative narrative storyline. When we start to build conflict with another it tends to do with us being frustrated or offended and instead of continuing to listen to see their perspective we stop and create our own storyline. When those walls of self-preservation begin to rise it becomes difficult to build those bridges to unity and growth. But when pause to listen and begin to silence those lying emotions, we can see much clearer! Thanks for sharing your view. I always grow from these types of discussions and learn so much from you! 😊
I-O Psychologist | Associate Professor of Management @ UAB | Chief Science Officer @ Personality Pool | Consultant & Speaker | Passionate about creating a BETTER workplace | Compassion costs nothing, but means so much
11moGreat post, my friend! 👏👏👏
SME, Buyer/Analyst at EMC Industrial Corporation
11moThese trials and tribulations have always been a fork in the trail, sometimes a beaten path and the trail less traveled; Other times neither trail has been used: These are where “On Self Reliance” and “Original Thought”attitudes become necessary; I try not to turn over my life to the toss of a coin.