Why do we abandon ourselves?
Do you have a hard time trusting yourself? Are you a people pleaser? Do you hide parts of yourself your feelings, beliefs, and ideas in order to fit in and/or please others? Do you diminish your feelings because you think they don’t really matter? You think no-one cares.
This is self-abandonment.
Here are some ways we abandon ourselves.
- Doubting yourself– second-guessing yourself, overthinking and ruminating, letting others make decisions for you and assuming they know more than you do. You are always second best.
- People-pleasing looking for acceptance/approval from others, suppressing your needs and interests to please others. Putting others first and yourself on the bottom of the priority list or not even realizing you should make yourself a priority. Everyone is more important than you.
- Hiding parts of yourself – giving up your interests and goals, not disclosing your feelings. Afraid what others will think, criticizing, rejecting or judging you.
- Perfectionism – having unrealistically high expectations for yourself, never feeling worthy regardless of how much you do and what you accomplish. You find yourself procrastinating because why bother doing something if it can’t be done perfectly. When we are perfectionists, we usually have control issues as well.
- Self-criticism and judgment – saying hurtful and mean things to yourself when you don’t meet your own painfully high standards. Being a bully towards yourself. You talk to yourself in ways you wouldn’t talk to your closest friends and family.
- Not honoring your needs not recognizing that your needs are valid, failing to practice self-care, feeling unworthy of self-care even your basic needs aren’t met. Having a hard time saying no or asking for help.
- Codependent relationships - focusing on the other person's needs, wants, trying to fix their problems, making the other person happy and neglecting your own needs/wants.
The definition of self-abandonment - Self-abandonment is an unhealthy coping mechanism that involves rejecting or suppressing parts of yourself, often in order to meet someone else’s needs.
Do you notice yourself in this definition?
Do you find yourself doing any of the above? Just becoming self-aware is the first step towards having more self-love and higher self-worth.
