Self-Sabotage: Ensuring what you want doesn’t happen by Marc LeVine

“I think I sabotage myself when I don’t follow through with things that are important to me. It’s always been a problem of mine. I have a hard time committing to things, even if they’re good for me.” – Britney Spears

Years ago, a university study was conducted that showed that some college students would register for classes at opposite ends of their campuses ensuring the likelihood that that they would be late to class or miss them entirely. They may not have even been cognizant that what they were doing was deliberate and personally destructive. The truth is that many may have hoped to fail and move on from what was expected of them.

These concerning behaviors can be considered self-sabotage and - together with dis-engagement (giving up completely and accepting failure) - can severely damage one’s chances for academic success. Such may be the case for many otherwise intelligent and sometimes even gifted students dealing with difficult emotional challenges.

Sabotage and disengagement often rear their ugly heads in professional employment settings, as well.  It may be hard to believe that so many people willingly set themselves up to fail at work and threaten their employment record. It is horrible to be one’s own worst enemy, but self-sabotage is far from rare.

People self-sabotage themselves in every position in life. Don't we all know someone who told us they wanted to lose weight and signed up for a gym membership they didn't almost never attended. Soon after signing their agreement, they often arrived too late for their individualized trainer sessions or conveniently forgot their sneakers and couldn’t use the treadmill machines.  This is why so many gyms have more memberships billings than they do active members. Many of them just don’t want to make a regular commitment to go there after their novel sense of "belonging" wears off.

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Why do so many students, employees and others behave this way?  Most struggle with trying to reconcile their internal contradictions. They may say they want something but are not willing to do whatever is required to get it.  Their personal behaviors are out of alignment. This leaves them with only one of two options to succeed. They can either change their behaviors or develop greater self-awareness. The only other option is failure by giving up.

Failure is viewed by some as a comfort zone, where responsibility and accountability surrender themselves to sympathy, pity, and neediness. If we continue to self-sabotage and de-engage ourselves, we begin a nearly inescapable downward spiral that always seems to end the same way - with a nod to underachievement and reduced expectations. For some, it feels infinitely better to issue lame excuses and assign others blame in exchange for receiving sympathy, pity and a warm hug. It is much harder to engage in the hard work often required to be successful.

WARNING. Self-sabotage and de-engagement can become habit-forming and offer the potential for recurring problems. They have the ability to drain all of our motivation, enthusiasm, and self-esteem.  We may eventually come to believe we are abject failures - worthless and useless people in the eyes of many, including ourselves. This becomes our perception, even if not completely true.  

Our expectation of failure leads to our acceptance of this false belief, and we accept being too lazy and fearful to confront any necessary challenges. After all, why bother to attempt anything if we believe we will fail in the end?

How to avoid self-sabotage and de-engagement? There are only a few easy steps but very important ones.

1. We MUST develop self-awareness.  We must identify what negative, internal behaviors and destructive “self-talk” conversations are going on in our lives and heads and are standing in the way of our success.
2. Note thoughts and feelings.  Journalize your thoughts and feelings as you face each challenging situation similar to those you have avoided or failed at in the past.  You may wish to discuss these notes with a professional counselor at some point.
3. Shape a plan — and stick to it! Once you can identify your usual reasons for procrastinating, you can begin to plan how to successfully confront and overtake your bottlenecks each time they surface. Eventually, they will be replaced by new, success-oriented behaviors via repetition. And your well managed challenges increasingly will result in pride worthy accomplishments.
4. Practice mindfulness. Become one with your mind and body to achieve inner peace and well-being. You may currently be internalizing fear and failure, which is not good for an of us.  Release the toxicity from inside of you to lighten your load.
5. Communicate. Do not fear revealing your true inner feelings to others. You will find that most people will be sympathetic to your needs and want to help you achieve self-acceptance.

Self-sabotage and de-engagement are stealth enemies already inside of many of us. They may be remnants from our upbringing and early life experiences. Without recognizing their destructive influence on us, we can easily surrender to them and let them take us in the wrong direction.

The Author

My Recent Interview on “Engineering Success”

Marc LeVine is a graduate of Syracuse (NY) University with a degree in Industrial Psychology, Marc is currently Talent Acquisitions and Learning and Development Lead at Thermo Systems. He is the recipient of the Excellence in Talent Acquisitions Award from HR Awards in 2021.

Marc's prior employment includes senior Human Resources and Staffing Industry management roles with Edgewood Properties in Piscataway, NJ, Brickforce Staffing in Edison, NJ, InfoPro Inc. in Woodbridge NJ and Plainsboro, NJ and Harvard Industries in Farmingdale, NJ, a former Fortune 500 company. He also served as Director of Human Resources for New Jersey Press, the parent company of the Asbury Park Press, Home News and Tribune and WKXW-NJ101.5. Earlier in his career, Marc served as Director of Career Services and Placement at Union Technical Institute in Eatontown and Neptune, NJ. In addition, Marc owned and operated Integrity Consulting Associates, a New Jersey based Human Resources and Social Media Marketing firm for 11 years. Marc also served as Council President in his hometown of Freehold Borough, NJ