A Sense of Entitlement

“When we replace a sense of service and gratitude with a sense of entitlement and expectation, we quickly see the demise of our relationships, society, and economy.” Steve Maraboli

 ‘We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness’  US Declaration of Independence

As the United States starts to unravel and governments around the world struggle to deal with Covid19 and its economic consequences, the cracks in the social fabric of society are becoming ever more pronounced. Some divisions, such as in education, social status and the distribution of wealth are transparent; others, such as gender discrimination, employment, health and white privilege, just as pernicious, are more subtle. But we should not be surprised. Entitlement, when one group of peoples or nations holds sway over others and treats them differently, is embedded in history and underpins many of the problems that beset societies today.

Apart from its contractual meaning, that is where money is paid or services given in exchange for goods and services, entitlement is broadly understood to be the belief held by someone or some group that they are inherently deserving of privileges or special treatment. While not always visible, especially in race and gender issues where well-meaning people struggle to get it right, the whole concept of entitlement starts in early childhood and manifests itself in our schools and families. In addressing it, that is where we need to start. 

This week, a group of 190 former students of independent schools in the United Kingdom wrote to the Independent Schools Council to highlight racism in independent schools and recounting the experiences of racism that they had experienced. Of course, racism is not restricted to any one section of society or school type, but what was pertinent was their implication that there was a responsibility on those who were endowed with the benefits of a good education and support in their careers to get it right.   The degree to which a sense of entitlement can be used to explain some of the comments alluded to in the report is not made clear; nor does the letter address the implication that they are any worse than their state school counterparts. What was explicit, however, was the comment that ‘ . . . in a country where two-thirds of the cabinet attended private school, along with 65 per cent of Supreme Court judges and 26 per cent of FTSE 100 chief executives, independent schools have a clear responsibility to produce balanced, unbiased individuals’    

While independent schools may feel unfairly singled out, the message is, broadly, that the more advantages you have in life, the greater responsibility you have to use such privilege with tolerance and empathy. Sadly, entitlement is as alive and well in many of our schools as ever and despite promoting British values and starting, at last, to teach more of our history as a multi-racial nation, there is much more work to do with our children and adults to counter bias – not just racial, but personal, social and economic. And that for those with the most advantage, whatever the education, need to be taught to act with humility and balance and to acknowledge the advantages they have (and that applies to most of us in this country). After all, nothing is more cringeworthy than the comment ‘Do you know who I am?’ often reported in the press by entitled persons with its implication that 'who you are' is more important than your abilities and what you have achieved.

At a grassroots level, entitlement shows itself in the way children treat each other. Young children are always more likely to interact with other children as innocents, not because of an accident of birth, family, nationality, wealth or religion. As with prejudice that has its origins in the bosom of the family, the same applies to a sense of entitlement that results from whatever messages, explicitly or implicitly are received by the child. Of course, as children grow up, personalities, temperament, interests all play a part in classroom interactions, but too often children growing up believing they are entitled to a life they have been gifted, one they haven’t paid for, children who are made to feel they have a higher value than others and are therefore entitled to more – respect, protection, healthcare, lifestyle – than their peers and, as they get older, a greater right to be lead, to be noticed and listened to. 

All schools need to challenge these presumptions for they lie at the heart of so much of the misery and division in our society, manifested in our schools through bullying, teasing and exclusion. There are various examples in the media that point out such inequalities and why the question to ask children and young adults is ‘what is the difference between what you have been given and what you done for yourself.’ Any sense of entitlement based on the family you were born into, inherited wealth or social rank, school attended, possessions owned, race, culture or religion, is no entitlement at all. Too many children, coming from stable homes and supportive families and who don’t have to worry about food or material comforts need to learn why they shouldn't make disparaging comments about those who have less, the wrong clothes, the wrong accent or the wrong colour of skin. Children can be cruel as we know, but so is the workplace with job discrimination for anything from accent, height, perceived attractiveness or even tattoos.

While this issue is societal, it is in schools that we can temper such bias. This is where children should learn that they are what they are by dint of their own personalities, character traits, labours, not from any hand me down entitlement. Too often people who have had a leg up, an advantageous internship, backing to pursue a particular interest, forget that without that support, they would not have succeeded.  Children need to be taught that treating other students as less worthy because of their own academic abilities or sporting prowess, again often the result of advantages they have inherited, is not only disingenuous, but wrong. Only by learning that lesson will they be able to weigh any imagined ‘entitlement’ they may feel in a global context, ie  what is this lifestyle I aspire to and feel I deserve costing my fellow man or woman? They may come to realise that what they think they are entitled to is unsustainable and unrealistic, and that other factors such as the rights and freedoms of others, poverty, wide-scale mining, over-cropping, soil erosion come into the equation. Viewing people, or other races, critically or somehow inferior is even more unacceptable if you have achieved nothing more than a fortunate marriage or been born into a stable and supportive family. While we should encourage aspiration in our young, we should ensure it doesn't trip over into expectation. The old adages that 'life doesn't owe you anything' and 'life isn't always fair' are important for children in order to build resilience and to help them become more empathetic adults. Realising that a sense of entitlement reinforces social division, in schools and in the workplace and leads to bullying between individuals as well as amongst nations, is a very important lesson to learn.

We need a systematic approach in our schools to counter entitlement at a grass roots level, by teaching children to look at the contributing factors that make successful lives and to show empathy towards those not so advantaged - selflessness rather than self. We need a little more modesty and humility from parents and children. We need to teach our children to look at the way people or countries feel entitled, whether it is taking the resources they need to maintain their standard of living or by abusing privilege. Of course, we will still get celebrities or authors trying to distance themselves from their backgrounds (Dominic Cumberbatch is one such person) and we can sympathise with him.  Julie Birchill once wrote that the answer was to be born working class as ‘the struggle, prejudice and stupidity we have to face, only we are ever really sure of our own worth’ so you don’t have to wonder whether you, ‘could have made it if they had started from the same place as I did’, an argument that merely serves as another form of entitlement.  

At a global level, many well-off countries accept as their right, the access to pursuing a certain standard of living and level of material comfort. The argument is that if we have the money then we should be able to have what we can afford, that spending benefits the economy, regardless of whether our appetites and desires negatively affect the lives of others.  Such an expectation which is present in most of our lives, often subconsciously fuels an almost insatiable demand for foods and transport, for products and services. Palm oil plantations in Central America, sweat shops in Bangladesh, landscapes laid waste by mining, oceans from over-fishing, all to provide a lifestyle we aspire to, but to which we are not entitled. Particularly now, knowing what we know of climate change and increasing social inequality, we need to pull our heads in and think more modestly and with a collective conscience about what is necessary and appropriate.  At present, we consume significantly more than we consume and end up wasting large amounts of what we do produce. We even expect the waste of our extravagance and over-consumption will be collected from our doors and become someone else’s problem – perhaps even another countries that buys our rubbish. We expect this. We even think it is our right. We may acknowledge how criminal is the whole idea of planned obsolescence just to keep the wheels of industry turning, but we’re removed from the damage it causes elsewhere.  Our desire to pursue a certain standard of living sometimes makes us forget that someone else is paying the cost.  That while we can afford it, we are not entitled to it. That the earth’s resources are for all of us, not just a selected few. That the entitlement to certain unalienable rights applies to us all equally  – and to the planet. That is a lesson we need to teach our children. That is a lesson we all have to learn.