Seven Actions WE DO that Stop Our Happiness

In my last blog, I talked about the seven problems in our culture that are holding you back from your happiness. Now, I am going to share the things that we do. Once you start tackling these things, you're going to be able to clear space and find more satisfaction in life.

Number 1: We fail to put ourselves on our list

The list of what? The list of priorities, the list of items that are a need or a want to be able to have a fulfilling life. That’s the key. 

I recently hung out with a bunch of really successful professionals. They are amazing, smart, kind, and giving women who when asked the question of “What are your personal goals?” had no friggin idea! None at all.

I'm not blaming them. It's just sad. It is sad that there are still so many people out there who have no idea (men, kids, adults included) who still don't know what brings them joy, what they should do for fun.

People come to me and I look at their whole lives, and we talk about satisfaction in every area of life. Fun and recreation is often neglected. The health side is often neglected. And we're doing it to ourselves, as well as not seeing where society does it to us. 

Number 2: We fail to live according to our values

I don't mean morals. I mean values. The things that make us tick. The things that give us our energy, our mojo, our resonance. When we are honoring our values, we’re in alignment.

I do a Values Discovery Session, helping you figure out your values. You can't do it yourself. You need someone else to be looking in and asking you questions. But once you figure that out, you're going to know where you're aren’t honouring your values and who is dishonouring your values. 

When you're in alignment, you have energy. When you're OUT of alignment, you feel a void of energy. It feels like you're pushing and you can be so tired and overwhelmed from it.

Number 3: We fail to give to ourselves first

We give others the opportunity to have food, to have rest, or to have sleep. As nurturers, we give before we receive and make sure everyone else is good. I don't know how many times:

• I've eaten the thing that's burnt over someone else eating it. 
• I've cooked a meal and given people their food first. 
• I've been awake on the plane to take care of everyone else's needs.

We don't give to ourselves first even though you all know that analogy around, “You have to put your own oxygen mask on first.”

Number 4: We don't get support to make it happen

We often say to ourselves:

• “I’m gonna do it myself.”
• “I’m independent.”
• “I’m strong.”

You are, but you can have support to make all of these things happen. You can have support to figure out what you want. You don't need to do or know everything yourself. 

It's okay to hire a coach, a counselor, a psychologist, or psychiatrist, someone to support you in this, as well as all the health side of things: a naturopath, a homeopath, a chiropractor, a massage therapist. Whatever you need to support you in your growth. It's okay to get help! 

Number 5: We do not take care of our own needs all the time 

We wait. We put it off. This was very apparent to me when I’d been home working all day. I might have had one child at home at the time as well. Or I brought them to daycare and back or my other child to school and back and then I'm home and making dinner and I'm cleaning up and everyone comes in and then my husband disappears!

I'm like, “Where did he go?” He just walked in the door. The kids need attention. I'd like some help, and he disappeared. Then I hear the water running. He went to have a shower. I was so shocked. Why? Because I would never dare have a shower now because there's dinner that needs to be made, the house needs to be picked up, the kids need our attention, and he needs my attention. 

I'm going to shower when all of that is done and the kids are in bed and lunches are packed and maybe laundry has been folded. 

I realized that I was not taking care of my needs and I saw how I could learn so much from him. I needed to learn that it's okay:

• if I want to go have a shower
• if I want to go for a walk
• if I want to have some quiet time in my bedroom

How funny that I was pissed at first, but now I'm grateful that his action of simply going to have a shower gave me permission to take care of my own needs like he was. 

Number 6: We fail to ask better questions of ourselves and of others

We don't ask ourselves:

• What do you like to do? 
• What are your priorities? 
• What brings you joy? 
• What is enjoyable for you? 
• What do you do for fun? 
• What are you doing for your growth, your health etc?

What if these questions were more common at parties and get-togethers rather than, “What do you do?” being the topic. 

What if one of these were the first question we ask people rather than “What do you do?” because “What do you do for fun?” “What do you enjoy? What brings you joy?” That's something that will carry through your whole life. But “What you do?” isn't always something that will be there forever.

Number 7: We fail to listen to our intuition

It is talking to you. It is telling you what you need. It is sharing with you what you desire.

If we listen to our intuition, that little voice, a little positive voice that is answering these questions or giving us nudges, we'd be happier.

For example, I kept getting nudges around drumming. The kind where you hold a drum between your legs and hit it. I thought about it a lot and mentioned it to clients. I eventually took African drumming. I took the course every Sunday afternoon. I would go and I would do African drumming with a circle of other people all learning it. It's a lot harder than I thought it would be. I thought I could just whack it and you can't because there are techniques to it.

What are your little intuition pieces telling you? You have opportunities when you listen to your intuition.

Another example is following my intuition when picking my courses for university. I was flipping through the Course Guide and for some reason, the Japanese course was something that I was drawn to. I heard the little voice saying, “I want to do that.” There was something pushing me to do it. At the end of my four years of university, I loved all things Japanese. I loved the language so much that I went on an adventure to Japan for not just one year, but three!

Now it’s your turn!

Over the next 24 hours, I encourage you to listen to the little voice. The little voice may be saying: 

• go lie down for a minute or two
• try that yoga pose right now
• go talk to that person over there
• go check out that new shop
• pick up that book 
• listen to that podcast
• phone a friend

That little voice is helping you out. 

I feel super passionate about this. I want you to be able to answer the question of “What do you like to do?”

If you were a client of mine and we were working together through this right now, I would probably do values exercise to help you find your values. I'd go through the Wheel of Life so we could find out exactly what you are wanting. I would take you through some exercises so you not only have clarity, but are excited and motivated and you have a plan!

If you want to delve into this further, if the answer to this question is eluding you, or you're not quite sure if you have the right answer, I really encourage you to reach out. 

Let's have a chat. Let's see how I can support you. Why bother? Because there's a piece of you that wants more. That there's going to be a time when you're not so busy (the kids leave, you have more time or space, or you earn enough money so you don't need to work anymore). How are you going to fill your time and space? How are you going to get right in tune with yourself?

You can reach me at diane@dianerolston.com or click here. 

Read my other related blogs here: 

1. Seven Problems Holding YOU Back from Your Happiness

2. Want more success? Then pull up your big girl panties!

3. How successful women replace BAD habits with GOOD Ones