Silencing the Inner Crow

In her book Addiction to Perfection, psychoanalyst Marion Woodman tells us about an inner voice that repeatedly criticized her while she was writing her book. She calls this negative inner voice “the crow.” As Woodman explains, “I have done battle with the black crow sitting on my left shoulder croaking, ‘It isn’t good enough. You haven’t anything new to say. You don’t say it well enough." This inner crow seeks to undermine her sense of self as a writer.

Though we are not all writers, we all can share Woodman’s familiarity with the crow that sits on our shoulder and croaks at us with negative self-talk. To speak up with confidence we need to confront this force. 

What the Inner Crow Says

The expression “eat crow” refers to a situation in which one has humiliated oneself. Indeed, the crow in our minds does everything it can to embarrass and undermine us. And it does so especially when we are putting ourselves forward or expressing ourselves in front of an audience. I have coached many clients who have told me about this mental cackling “crow.” 

Here are some of the situations when we hear the voice of the crow:

• A financial planner making a presentation to colleagues hears a voice saying, ‘You’re going to fail. Not everyone in the room wants you to do well. 
• A managing director hears his crow say, “You’re losing deals. You’re such a failure. Don’t expect to win this one.”
• A manager returning to work after Covid-19 thinks, “I don’t know if I’m up to the challenge. Everyone will be watching my every move, to see if I’m keeping a safe distance and washing my hands. They’ll be testing me, judging me.”
• An entrepreneur hears an inner voice saying to her, “What if you fail? Maybe you shouldn’t have given up that secure job. Are you crazy?”

How Can You Silence Your Inner Crow?

We don’t have to live with the sound of this cackling crow. There are many things we can do to silence or soften that negative voice.  Here are five ways you can do so.

1.  Become Aware of its Presence.  Write down on a piece of paper the things that your inner crow says. Becoming aware of this inner voice is the first step in conquering the crow. It allows you to separate that voice from your own and realize it is not necessarily you talking.
2. Don’t Give Voice to Your Inner Crow. You can take away the crow’s power by refusing to repeat out loud what it says to you. After all, no one else hears its cawing. As one woman, a banker, put it: “I had a boss who told me, ‘The whole world doesn’t need to know every slip-up.’” So, keep the crow to yourself.
3. Bolster Your Confidence. The crow feeds on our insecurities, so anything we do to bolster our confidence will diminish its power. Preparation is crucial here. As a team leader explained, “I have weekly calls with my senior leadership team. I used to be nervous about them and went in cold, without preparing anything. But now I actually take time to think about what I want to say. This eliminates some of my self-doubt.”
4. Engage in Positive Self-Talk.  Replace the crow’s voice with your own confident inner voice. As one woman who was about to make a presentation on a project she had overseen told me, “Throughout the whole morning I kept repeating to myself, ‘I am the program manager.  I am the program manager. I am the program manager.’ I just nailed that into my head and got rid of that crow by replacing its voice with my own positive thoughts.”
5. Defy the Inner Crow. When we become more daring, the crow will fly away—or at least become quieter. It realizes that its negative messages don’t fit your behavior anymore. Chances are when you are sitting at a meeting, there are times when you feel afraid to put your hand up to speak. You may fear that what you say will not come out clearly. You may fear that others will disagree with you. But defy the crow and put your hand up anyway. The more you do this, the more the crow’s voice will fade. In university I forced myself to put my hand up once in every class. It worked, and eventually I didn’t feel reluctant to do so.

These five steps can silence your inner crow.  We must banish this negative voice if we want to communicate with confidence, strength, and authority.  So, stop the crow! And gain the confidence you need to come across as a leader.