Sleepless nights and baby smiles - The journey through postpartum depression (PPD)

Postpartum depression, also known as postnatal depression, is a mood disorder that affects women after childbirth. It is characterized by unexplained sadness, anxiety, obsessions, and exhaustion. 

While this condition typically arises within the first few weeks after delivery, it can also manifest months later. Recent studies indicate that postpartum depression can even start during pregnancy.

I experienced this during my third trimester when I began feeling low and tearful daily. The situation worsened after giving birth following 48 hours of sleep deprivation. I found myself in a state of shock, often in tears, and overwhelmed with confusion and isolation. It felt like I was navigating through life with a foggy lens. When I received flowers in my hospital room, I thought, “For what? What are we celebrating”? I felt ashamed and guilty about having those thoughts, and I could not understand why I was not as happy as everyone expected. My son, who was born following an induction in traumatic labour conditions, did not leave my arms for the first three months. This unexpected loss of freedom and round-the-clock care left me feeling like I would never have a moment to myself again. The sense of being perpetually needed was both overwhelming and isolating. I wish I knew at that time that pain is not permanent. Instead, my thoughts were that my life was over and that I would never be able to get out again. The situation spiralled out when the lockdown started six weeks after I gave birth. The absence of family support due to travel restrictions extended this period of emotional strain, pushing me deeper into depression. 

According to the American Psychological Association, postpartum depression affects about 1 in 5 women who give birth. This means approximately 15% of new mothers experience this mood disorder. 

These numbers may be inaccurate because many women might not seek help or receive proper diagnoses. This is particularly true in the Middle East and Africa region, where postpartum and mental health issues are often highly taboo or misunderstood. 

I am an example of where my close relatives misinterpreted my symptoms and thought PPD's only symptom was a lack of interest in the baby, which wasn't my experience as I was fully committed to my son 24/7.

Cultural expectations also play a significant role. The notion that it's the mother's sole responsibility to take care of her baby is prevalent, partly due to the mother being the primary caregiver and breastfeeding. As a result, societal expectations often put undue pressure on mothers to handle everything, further worsening the symptoms. It's important to acknowledge these pressures and understand that they are not a reflection of your worth as a mother. Mothers are expected today to :

• Always look good, happy, and smiling, regardless of their circumstances, including handling drastic hormonal and energy level dips after giving birth.
• Manage household chores as if they were experts in the "Art Manager."
• Cook healthy meals from scratch because they are responsible for the family's health and well-being.
• Work to be financially independent; otherwise, they take advantage of the system.
• Switch into "superwoman" mode, handling the already complex and challenging job of being a mum and having a full-time job. Tasks as a mum include but are not limited to managing school registrations, health appointments, extracurricular activities, social events, and daily nursery and school requests (Flower costume, hero costume, Valentin day costume, Christmas, Mawlid al Nabawi costume, National Day costume, etc which is on itself already a proper job called personal shopper)
• Do all this without help, support, or a network because, after all, she can.

In today's global world, many women give birth far from home, but this factor is often overlooked when handling postpartum symptoms. Modern society has transformed motherhood into survival mode, where mothers are expected to handle everything independently while also having a full-time job, and they must suppress their feelings along the way. Until recently, no one dared describe motherhood as anything other than pure bliss. Silencing mothers doesn't alleviate the pain; it exacerbates feelings of confinement and guilt. I urge everyone to raise awareness and encourage new moms to open up about their feelings, not to shut down their emotions before they have time to speak up.

Remember, you are not alone in this journey. Please, speak up—don't worry about what others think. Your health and well-being are the priority, and seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness.