A sneak peak into my childhood bubble

This is a very personal story, and I am writing it with the purpose of providing hope to someone who has gone through or is currently experiencing a tough childhood. This is a special article for Mental Health Awareness Month. #mentalhealthawarenessmonth

I never had many friends while growing up; I spent a lot of time alone.

The reason why I could never get my hands dirty in this mud aka friendship was the difficult scenario that prevailed at home then, constantly. Quarrels between mom and dad were something that I had to deal with day in and out, even though everything on the outside looked perfectly fine. (I don't blame my parents anymore for this.)

This gave my young brain an exposure that people are bad per se like legit. Any hint of hurt, I would back off and go back to my little bubble of solitude and loneliness. Like people who get bit by dogs turn to hate dogs completely for the rest of their life.

I used this time to get good grades, and at the same time, I did have a lot of imaginary friends. It was dark and sad. I did make some friends when I moved up the ladder of high school education, but still, the pain lingered, and I never made any deep relationships.

The board exams came, and even the school management considered talking to friends as a waste of time. In fact, the school glorified my routine as they didn't know what exactly was happening in my life. ( Again I am not and never will blame them)

I pursued success, recognition, and validation from teachers to compensate for this void. I became addicted to the accolades that came with it. I maintained my first rank position in school from 7th to 12th grade. I was the school topper in the board exams. I served as the school captain, participated in dramatics, and engaged in interschool debates.

With all this in the forefront, I felt there was always something missing. I wasn't happy at home. I felt lost. All I wanted to become was an astrophysicist and a scientist like Nikola Tesla (who died in a hotel room with a pigeon). I thought this is how people become great.

But reality started to engulf my imaginary bubble with all its characters and expectations when I finished school. It was extremely debilitating going through that back then, but looking back, I'm grateful for it.

However after completing my school, heading to university in a new city, I was left to myself, which provided me with ample opportunities to better understand reality—a story of its own. It shattered the bubble. It was incredibly difficult, and I was on the verge of giving up. Nevertheless, I'm now glad it happened. After all, one cannot be molded without pressure. I made genuine friendships there, and the void I once felt has now been filled!

The takeaways I want you to have from my story are:

1. We all need someone to hear our story, our emotions, and share our jokes and laugh our lungs out.
2. Even if we can claim ourselves to be self-made, we can't truly be one; there will always be someone who sacrificed their today to make your tomorrow better.
3. Cherish your time with friends and family. You'll never repent it.
4. Don't be scared to get your heart broken; what was it made for anyway? It wasn't made to be locked away somewhere safe, not experiencing love and life.
5. You don't have to glorify trauma and pain and suffering to become successful. You can be successful without any of it.
6. If you are going through a tough time, open up. Some will put it down, but someone will definitely hear you. Don't give up. Nobody's life is perfect; everyone had their share of pain growing up.
7. Choose healthy habits even when things go awry; you'll thank yourself for it. Don't get addicted to things that hurt you in the long run and leaving you with momentary pleasure. As Charlie Munger said, you can win a lot in life just by avoiding failing.
8. Go deep into what's making your life miserable. Trauma and anxiety made, and still make my life tough, but going head-on is making me see things clearer for what they are.
9. And remember, there's more to life than just work. Live life to the fullest when you can.

If you have been through a tough childhood, my heart reaches out to you. Talk to someone, talk to a therapist, and don't get closed off with your own reasons of safety. More love and power to all of you going through a tough time. Also, a gentle reminder to all: please choose to be kind over being right and lend someone your ears when they want it the most. You could even be saving someone's life with it.

#trauma #anxiety #mentalhealthawareness