Solitude is not Loneliness. Why Kids Need Time Alone

Solitude: Teaching Children to Trust Their Own Thoughts and Feelings

In a world filled with constant distractions, from the buzz of notifications to the pull of screens, the idea of solitude can feel foreign. For children growing up in this environment, the ability to spend time alone—and enjoy it—is a skill that often goes overlooked. Yet, solitude is where children learn to trust their own thoughts and feelings, a foundation for emotional resilience and self-confidence.

The Growing Need for Solitude in Today’s World

Renowned social psychologist Jonathan Haidt has shed light on the link between modern technology, anxiety, and depression, particularly among young people. Studies show that constant connectivity and over-stimulation can lead to feelings of isolation and social anxiety, rather than connection.

As children and teens become increasingly reliant on their digital devices for social interactions, the simple act of solitude has become both rare and vital. Solitude is not just a break from the noise—it’s where children can find clarity, learn self-reliance, and foster a sense of inner peace.

The Power of Solitude

Solitude is not loneliness. It is a deliberate space where children can pause, reflect, and grow. In these moments of quiet, children process their experiences, explore their imagination, and begin to understand their emotions. Solitude teaches them to listen to their inner voice, to make sense of the world around them, and to develop a sense of self that isn’t dependent on external validation.

When children learn to embrace solitude, they also learn to:

Build Emotional Awareness:

Time alone allows children to sit with their feelings, understand them, and work through them without immediate distractions.

• Foster Creativity:

Solitude creates room for imagination to flourish, whether it’s inventing stories, building with blocks, or exploring nature.

• Develop Problem-Solving Skills:

Without the input of others, children can tackle challenges independently, building confidence in their ability to think critically.

• Creating Opportunities for Solitude

As parents, encouraging moments of solitude doesn’t mean isolating children. It means creating opportunities where they can explore their inner world in a safe and nurturing environment.

Here’s how:

• Model Solitude:

Children often mimic what they see. Show them that you value time alone by setting aside moments for quiet reflection, reading, or creative pursuits.

• Encourage Independent Activities:

Provide your child with activities that encourage self-sufficiency and imagination, such as drawing, journaling, or building with LEGO.

• Limit Constant Connectivity:

Create tech-free zones or times in your home to reduce distractions and allow children’s minds to wander and settle.

• Celebrate Boredom:

When children say they’re bored, resist the urge to fill the silence. Boredom is often the gateway to creativity and self-discovery.

Practical Ways for Parents to Teach Solitude to Kids

• Create a Solitude Corner:

Designate a cosy spot in your home where your child can retreat for quiet activities like reading or drawing. Stock it with calming items like pillows, books, or art supplies.

• Practice Mindful Moments Together:

Introduce short, shared moments of mindfulness, such as deep breathing exercises or silent observation of nature, to show them the value of being still.

• Set Daily Quiet Time:

Establish a routine where everyone in the household spends 10-15 minutes on individual quiet activities. This normalises solitude as part of daily life.

• Encourage Journalling:

Provide your child with a notebook to write or draw their thoughts and feelings. Journalling helps them process emotions and builds self-awareness.

• Limit Over-Scheduling:

Ensure your child has unstructured time in their day to explore their own interests or simply relax without external pressures.

• Ask Reflective Questions:

After a moment of solitude, ask your child how they felt or what they thought about. This helps them articulate and appreciate their inner experiences.

The Benefits Over Time

Children who are comfortable with solitude grow into adults who are self-assured, emotionally intelligent, and empathetic. They’ve learned to pause, reflect, and act thoughtfully—skills that are increasingly rare in today’s fast-paced world. They approach relationships with authenticity, knowing their own worth and respecting the individuality of others.

Solitude is where children learn to trust their own thoughts and feelings. It’s where they discover who they are, away from the noise of the outside world. As parents, fostering this skill is one of the greatest gifts we can give—preparing them not just to face the world but to thrive in it, guided by their inner compass.