The Sound (And Power) of Silence

Hello darkness, my old friend… No, we’re not going down the Simon & Garfunkel rabbit hole, but admit it, you probably thought of the song when you read the newsletter title. Or maybe you’re too young to have ever heard of Simon & Garfunkel. If so, you’re missing something. Anyway...what we will focus on is how silence can be used to your advantage in a professional setting.

We live in a world of information overload. It often feels like people are talking to us or even at us all the time. Communication comes in the form of traditional media, social media, text messages, phone and video calls, email, collaboration tools, meetings, online communities, and many other forms. It’s difficult to fully sift through all of the communication we receive, and in our increasingly ‘always on’ society, it’s easy to feel compelled to respond immediately. It can be exhausting.

But sometimes silence is the best option. Here are seven ways you can use silence to your advantage across a range of settings:

1. In a meeting. Silence can be uncomfortable in meetings. We’re prone to feeling like someone should step in and, well, say something. But occasionally, it’s more effective to let a comment hang in the room, so that people have time to digest it. And if you’re the senior person in the meeting, it’s also a useful tool to not just jump in, even when you feel the group might be expecting it. Let the discussion move forward without you whenever you can, as doing so will help the group lead for themselves and not just look to you for all the answers.
2. When giving a presentation. Here, too, silence can be used to amplify a key point. Pause in these moments and let your audience fully absorb your message. Resist the temptation to just keep on powering through your prepared comments. Use silence to increase the power of your most important words. Less is often more in these situations.
3. In a negotiation. When the opposite side has presented an opinion or position during a negotiation, you can use silence or the passage of time without a response to see if they will negotiate against themselves, i.e., weaken their original argument or improve their most recent offer. This, of course, requires that you're not in a hurry, but when you do have the luxury of time, use it to your advantage.
4. When interviewing someone. Along with open-ended questions and situational interviewing, silence can be used to get a richer sense of a person in an interview. Once you've asked your question and gotten the candidate's initial response, wait to see if they offer more context or detail. Those secondary remarks are often less practiced and therefore have the potential to offer a truer sense of the individual.
5. When you receive an email, or a text message, that sets you off. When we get one of these communications, our first response is often to fire back a witty or biting counterargument. When possible, don’t do that. Reflect on the discussion for a while. Do it overnight if you can. Waiting will give you time to consider not just the words but the broader context. If you do wait, you’re more likely to come back with a more carefully considered response, one formulated after the heat of the moment has died down.
6. When your team is struggling with something. Often in these situations, your team will be looking to you to make the decision for them or fix whatever is broken. By doing so, though, you steal an opportunity for them to sort it out on their own. When they do that, they learn and they grow. When you solve the problem for them, you just reinforce that they can depend on you to be their fixer. That adds to your workload and limits your team’s development.
7. On social media. At the risk of stating the obvious, comments made on social media are public, at least to your friends or contacts, and potentially to a broader audience. Always think twice about posting something that could be misinterpreted, that others might find offensive, or that you’ll regret later. Even if you later recognize the error in your ways and take the post down, the damage will have been done. Silence is often the better part of valor when it comes to social media.
8. In your life. Let’s face it. We’ve gotten too ‘always on.’ We need to give ourselves breaks from communication, especially the endless electronic onslaught. Log off your computer, put your devices away, and be fully present. By the way, this is the one I most struggle with, and I know I'm not alone in that respect. Especially with social media, more and more studies are showing that increased usage is correlated with deteriorating mental health, so start making a habit of taking a pause.

One last point, using silence effectively does not mean ghosting people. Ghosting has gotten too prevalent, and it’s just impolite, especially when it relates to family, friends, and co-workers. But, in my opinion, it is ok when you’re getting unsolicited outreaches, which are also more and more common. In those circumstances, you don’t necessarily need to respond.

Are there other ways you use silence effectively in a professional setting? Let us know!

JR and the PathWise team

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