Start Where you are! Gender-Based Violence is not just a hashtag

I had been following Noor's case yesterday and had a terrible night processing it. Can't stop thinking about all the wrong questions being asked, all the wrong focuses, and all the wrong assumptions. I know I need to write it now. Here is what i want to tell everyone....everyone, who is following or not following this case:

1) first and foremost it is very important to put the right words when you want to mention or refer to this. She was not killed, she was not murdered. It was not her action. Please mention the actor "he killed noor" Zah`ir killed/murdered her. Do not make the actor irrelevant.

2) This is not a mental illness issue. It is a CRIME. Whether or not he was mentally ill or faking it or was in rehab... all this is irrelevant. Under no circumstances, any murderer should be given the right to use mental illness as an alibi to get away with the crime.

3) This is not the only case of gender-based violence. Every single day GBV is increasing and seemingly normal, educated people support them by not talking about them or by saying that this is just one case. if anything COVID has just exasperated it.

4) All those asking why was she there, what was her relationship with the murderer, or claiming this was a result of "mazhab say doori" this is not your job to decide. It is her matter with her creator. The focus right now is only that "he murdered her" Period.

5) Most importantly, a women's character, conduct, dressing, relationships, language, gate, eyes, body, or even a single hair of her is not the reason why the GBV happens. Gender-based violence is happening to completely Pardey wali, married to a guy, single, mothers, old ladies, newborn babies, transgenders, or whosoever you see as any gender other than MEN. even boys are getting killed because some MEN see them differently. It has nothing to do with the victim. It is everything to do with the MEN. Statistics prove that GBV has nothing to do with the victim and the perpetrator is only MEN.Don't say not all MEN, if you are not speaking against it you are part of it.

6) Bills, laws, institutions and any other medium of channeling this energy is not enough. We need them as of yesterday but with all of these, we need to get rid of Patriarchy. Whoever thinks Men are superior in any form, whoever promotes the concept of "light punishment" to a grown-ass woman in the name of disciplining the wives/daughters/daughter-in-law/mother, whoever thinks MEN is the Ghar ka sarbarah, whoever thinks that women provoke the violence, whoever thinks that GBV is because of feminism, whoever thinks "not women of my home", whoever thinks "SHE asked for it"..........yes all of you, YOU need to hear it loud..... YOU ARE THE REASON. and YOU are the one we need laws, bills, and penalties against. You are the one who needs to stay home after Maghrib, you need to be watched, you need to be trained to behave among humans, You need to be put in rehabs till you know how to respect fellow humans.

7) lastly, hashtags don't work till you take action. changing DPs with a frame doesn't work till you act. Start where you are! make sure you do not let men harass any women on the road, in-home, in workplaces, in hospitals, during childbirth, in marriages. Make sure you become the voice. YES, you all men who think they are not perpetrators. Remember when you protect your daughter from society slap your face with your hand...because it's you yourself whom she needs to be protected against.

START WHERE YOU ARE.... make sure women are not only safe around you from your eyes, tongue, thoughts, actions but they are also taken care of when you are not around. Make sure you are part of the solution at home, at the workplace, and the society as a whole. Start where you are!!!!

#genderbasedviolence #JusticeForWomen #endpatriarchy #startwhereyouare #GBV