Stepping into Power and Magnificence After a Midlife Mental Health Meltdown

Imagine a picture-perfect moment, the sky is blue, the sun is shining, the snow is glistening and I’m walking my 2 small toddlers, a girl and a boy, and a chocolate lab across the fields with views of the River Severn, a perfect Instagram moment – except insta didn’t exist then or maybe I didn’t know about it in my baby bubble!  They were both carrying a Toy Story character in their hands, one had Woody and the other had Buzz and they were happy and all togged up in snow wear and we’d just been sledging. And I remember thinking to myself “Why do I hate everything and everyone?” I know now, it was perimenopause, I didn’t know it at the time, in fact at the time, I probably hadn’t even heard of perimenopause.

I had a midlife meltdown shortly after my 50th birthday and it was so difficult to untangle the “M”s, I couldn’t isolate the “M” that pushed me over the edge. Was it Marriage, Menopause, Mood, Memory, Money, Misery, Mental Health, Mum, Mid-life crisis, Work/Life Mix or Motherhood? I had my very own maelstrom (thank you Eleanor Mills you gave me a couple of names to describe it) and a midlife collision (thank you Dr Lucy Ryan ) encompassing all the above in a perfect storm. It was quite a few years ago now and there wasn’t much menopause information out there like today and people only spoke about hot flushes which weren’t that big a deal for me anyway, no one talked about anxiety, loss of self, brain fog and depression. My doctor tried to fob me off with anti-depressants but I was too scared to take them.

 The good news is that I had my children later, at 41 and 43, so luckily I wasn’t dealing with empty nester syndrome at the same time too, like many of my university friends were. But at the same time many of my “Mum” friends were 10 or 15 years’ younger than me, so menopause wasn’t a topic or a thing. It’s interesting now though because a few years on, they have hit the midlife WALL.

 After 50, we often find ourselves navigating a unique set of challenges and transitions in our lives. Juggling various responsibilities while experiencing physical fluctuations and changes in personal circumstances can impact our mental health.

 I could POWER through in my 20s, 30s and 40s but in my 50s I was FORCED to STOP and take stock. With massive hindsight and out the other side I can say “Mother Nature, thank you for this genius human engineering.” I was FORCED to STOP doing everything for everyone else and FORCED to look after me!  

 An exciting revelation is that the other side of menopause, you stand in power and magnificence and it’s a great place to be. We need to talk more about this because the narrative is all menopause and misery. As I approach 60 at the end of this year, I’m more energised, focused and unstoppable than ever before.

In this newsletter, I’ll explore three significant aspects that could affect the mid-life you and we’ll delve into some of the most proactive ways to address them.

 What are some of the most common events that can push us off track?

 Battling Burnout

 As we reach midlife, we frequently face competing responsibilities and demands, both at home and at work, if we’re lucky enough to have parents, we might be part of the sandwich generation and many of us have children to care for and although they’re teenagers they need you in a different way. My daughter has just started 6th form and it’s a big transition and stressful to watch from the side-lines.   

 Maybe you’ve been on deck for years without taking a break, a leader who has navigated the global pandemic, new Government and turbulent times, changing tack and pivoting the business in ever changing conditions, you might just be exhausted. I have a friend who allegedly worked flexibly but when we were playing tennis on Tuesday morning first thing, she used to get called into work. #FakeFlex 

This can lead to burnout, a state of chronic physical and emotional exhaustion. To prevent burnout, you must have open and honest conversations with your employer and yourself. It’s also important to prioritise self-care, I think burnout is cumulative, so as time moves on burnout builds up and up and so one day it cannot be avoided and things might come to a head in midlife.

 It’s important to change things, set some boundaries, delegate some tasks and make time for activities that bring you joy. Engaging in hobbies, practising mindfulness, and seeking social support are essential strategies for managing stress and maintaining mental wellbeing. It’s time to talk to your employer about what they could offer, better flexible working choices or a sabbatical perhaps for a reset.

 Embracing Menopause

 Menopause is a natural phase that every women goes through as we transition out of our reproductive years. It’s a time of hormonal fluctuations that can have an impact on mood, energy levels and overall mental health and symptoms like hot flushes, anxiety, insomnia and mood swings may arise.

 I’ll give you some clues that you might be in peri-menopause, you experience brain fog, a nice glass of wine just doesn’t go down so well, you can become increasingly anxious, I was always a positive and happy person and suddenly I became negative and down. I couldn’t put my finger on what was wrong. I have a friend who is an Occupational Therapist, who became disorganised overnight from being ultra efficient, was feeling out of sorts and suddenly didn’t fancy a glass of wine in the evening (your body tells you) and I suggested to her she might be in perimenopause! She didn’t even suspect!

 It’s crucial to see your doctor in the first instance and explore various coping mechanisms which might or might not include hrt. It’s also time for a complete reset, powering through isn’t an option anymore and self-care becomes compulsory rather than optional.

 Personally, I see menopause as akin to a storm – an inevitable experience that we must weather. Some storms can be fierce, and others hardly noticeable as we cross to the other side. It’s when we sit on the other side of menopause that we discover a tremendous inner strength and we step into our power and glory.

 Exercise, healthy eating, reducing alcohol intake (check out NoLo Cocktails & Bars for some tasty and delicious options) and practicing stress reduction techniques become essential. Slowing down is the new speeding up and you need to be kind to yourself and learn to work with your body. Do what makes you happy, I have always mountain biked, walked, done yoga and walked but now it’s essential, a week without any of this activity and I struggle mentally.

 Children Leaving Home and Rediscovering Your Identity

It’s October Half Term as I write this, the holiday that used to push me over the edge. My son’s birthday, juggling work and childcare, Halloween too and the darkness and entry into winter. Now I look back with fondness at that chaos, although my children are at home, they’re doing their own thing.

As children grow up and leave home, we often experience a mixture of emotions, including joy, sadness, and even loss, it’s a huge transition. It can be a time of new beginnings, self-discovery and personal growth. Many children have just started university and it’s a big, huge, massive transition as a parent. I’m on lots of parental groups and last week was called “Wobble Week”, the week when many want to return home.

My children haven’t left home yet but they’re teenagers and they’re doing their own thing. It is vital to give yourself permission to grieve while also focusing on rediscovering individual passions, interests, and personal goals. Engaging in activities that bring you joy, pursuing further education, or embarking on a new career can help you redefine your identity and find purpose beyond motherhood.

So now you’re aware of some of the key triggers of adverse mental health, let’s look at what can be done to mitigate the impact these events might have…

Finding Purpose and a Job You Love

Now can be a great time to reassess your values, desires, and life goals. Finding a sense of purpose can contribute significantly to happiness, and it may involve volunteering, pursuing a new career, or engaging in creative endeavours. Discovering what brings personal fulfilment and aligning your life choices with your purpose can greatly enhance your wellbeing.

 Having a job that aligns with personal values, strengths and brings a sense of satisfaction is crucial for mental wellbeing. Now is the time to evaluate your professional life and consider making changes if necessary. This might involve seeking new career opportunities, developing new skills, or transitioning into a different field altogether. Being happy and fulfilled at work is vital for positive self-esteem, increased motivation, and overall mental health. Career priorities shift with age and life stage, so in our 40s, 50s, 60s and beyond, we might want to leave a legacy or do more meaningful work or we might want to upsize our career and get back on the career carousel.

Creating a Work Life Mix  

 Whilst finding a role that fulfils you is important, it’s also essential that that work situation accommodates your lifestyle needs. Flexible working options, such as remote work or flexible hours, can provide a better work-life balance. Additionally, exploring job-sharing arrangements allows women and men to share responsibilities and commitments, reducing stress and promoting mental wellbeing.

 Having a 2-way conversation with your boss or HR partner and exploring available options is crucial to crafting a work situation that meets your new needs.  

 Mental health is a vital aspect of wellbeing. By acknowledging and addressing the challenges we face, such as burnout, menopause, and children leaving home, you can start to take control and create a life you love.

 We just need business to catch up and provide flexible working and job share for the over 50s. We need companies to understand someone who is upsizing their career as well as downsizing their career.

Seeking Help and Belonging to a Community 

 When I hit the brick wall with a bang, I couldn’t see or think my own way out of the position. I had a coach at the time but because I was stuck and not able to move forwards, my coach introduced me to a gestalt therapist. Wow the best thing I have ever done, I invested time in myself and found techniques to remember who I am. Thank you Anne Pettit and the Gestalt Centre Wales and Malcolm Parlett .

I’m also a member of The Girls Club - Network which is an absolutely brilliant community, a great vibe and I have a real sense of belonging and we’re talking work but we’re talking life too. It’s a community of female leaders and fabulousness, without pretentiousness where I can be authentically me and sense check conversations in the workplace. And sense checking content before it goes out in the world. And it’s fun, fun and more fun. I’ve met some amazing women.

If you're struggling with any of the things above and would some help discovering the next steps in your career, do not hesitate to drop me a message. As an experienced Career Navigator, I specialise in helping midlife midcareer women find careers that align with their values and give them the life they love.

My 💎DIAMOND 💎Programme is tailored to support YOU understand, recognise, know, feel, articulate and celebrate your inherent value, preciousness, and potential. It's about knowing your worth and understanding the wealth of experience and crystalised wisdom you bring to the work party and being able to communicate it in a compelling way. Drawing inspiration from the enduring qualities of diamonds—strength, brilliance, resilience, and wealth - as over 50s we know our greatness is cultivated over time and under pressure. We'll help you rediscover your strengths (an absolute game changer), shine brightly, gain clarity on your unique abilities and capabilities and recognise the richness of your professional journey. We'll future proof your work / life / career voyage, ensuring flexibility and wellbeing takes centre stage, and we'll support you along the way and help you navigate the route and reimagine your phased return or non-retirement.

#FlexibleWorking #