STILETTO NETWORK: A DECADE LATER

It’s hard to believe that my first book, Stiletto Network: Inside the Women’s Power Circles that are Changing the Face of Business (Harper Collins Leadership, 2013), was published more than ten years ago. Yet I remain passionate about showcasing female trailblazers and moving women forward, so I’d like to revisit the book’s core messages.

First, what are Stiletto Networks and how do they work? Stiletto Networks are an underground movement of women’s dinner groups and networking circles that are changing the world. I found these groups in every major city across the U.S. and globally too. Most have no more than 10 women but in aggregate they number in the millions across the world. And they all had funny names… like Babes in Boyland, Power Bitches, Chicks in Charge, or (my favorite) SLUTS: Successful Ladies Under Tremendous Stress.

What’s more, I found this same activity among women in all industries and all age groups, from CEOs to aspiring Millennials to moms launching businesses in their basements. And I charted a massive money trail – billions of dollars of transactions, corporate board seats attained, and companies founded and funded, all as a result of genuine female friendships. This is why I say Stiletto Network is a love story disguised as a business story!

In almost every case, these women thought they were alone in assembling likeminded ladies to learn and share. But I witnessed an explosion of these groups, a Venn diagram of interlocking circles of women who were shaking the foundations of business, philanthropy, and politics. These groups have and are continuing to change the world. 

I tell everyone that I lived the story of Stiletto Network as I was writing it. My life, network, and career opportunities all expanded – exploded, really – as a result of meeting women who were shaping society in meaningful ways. As a result, my mission was not only to identify these groups but also to catalyze them. 

When I traveled the globe on a speaking tour, I urged women to put these steps into action and watch their lives change. Because if women from all different walks of life, in all industries and age groups, were doing the same thing at the same moment in history, what did that mean? That anyone could do it.

How do you create a Stiletto Network?

• Start now – the younger the better. You don’t need to be famous or fabulous, and you need not begin with major connections. Younger women can create these groups overnight be assembling friends and planning events honoring accomplished female alumnae of their colleges or senior women within their firms. I’ve seen young women make themselves the hub with amazingly well-known elders as spokes on their wheel – just because they had the guts to organize and ask!
• Think diversity. Stiletto Networks aren’t cabals of best friends or employees from the same firm. The most effective groups draw women with diverse skills and backgrounds from a variety of industries. They introduce women who wouldn’t otherwise meet, keep members’ thinking fresh, expand their horizons, and increase their spheres of influence.
• Filter for relevance and shared experience. For Stiletto Networks to gel, you can’t pair a CEO with an analyst straight out of college; they won’t have enough in common. Assembling members who are about the same age or level of experience helps build bonds of trust and loyalty.
• Strike a balance between personal and professional. Stiletto Networks should be both fun and purposeful, so make “asks and offers” part of each meeting. Go around the table and give each woman two minutes to ask for what she needs. This could be help finding a new CMO or technology platform, help filling tables at a charity event, or help getting someone’s kid a summer job. Whatever the ask, each member must then think about how she can mobilize her network to help.
• Have courage, give courage. Stiletto Networks push members to pursue their passions and take risks. Women help each other script difficult conversations about promotion or compensation, and they speak hard truths. You want a personal board of advisors, not a group of yes-women.
• Raise profiles. Recommend each other for speaking engagements or press appearances and blast each other’s accomplishments on social media. Women are often told not to brag, so let’s be each other’s bull horns.

We’ve made strides in the past decade, but we’ve also seen Covid-related obstacles and significant setbacks in politics. So, it’s more important than ever to make a personal commitment to hire more women, pay women more, support flexible work and childcare, and remember that we’re stronger working together rather than apart.